How to Become Best Friends with Your Crush

Co-authored by John Keegan and Amy Bobinger

Last Updated: July 14, 2022 References Approved

There’s a reason that so many relationships start out as friendships. Becoming best friends with your crush is like laying the foundation for your future romance—you’ll understand each other on a deeper level, share fun memories and inside jokes, and already know that you’re compatible together. But how do you actually make it happen? Don’t worry—below we’ve put together some of the best ways to get closer to the person you’re crushing on so you can start building a friendship with them (and eventually maybe something more).

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Talking to Your Crush

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Start a conversation by talking about what's happening around you. It can be hard to work up the courage to start a conversation, but it's pretty important if you plan on becoming your crush's new best friend. Find a time when they aren't busy or talking to someone else, then walk up and start a conversation about something that's going on around you. If you guys are at lunch, for instance, walk up and start a friendly conversation maybe about school work or an upcoming event.^{[1]
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- If you have a class together, ask your crush about your latest homework assignment or offer to help them study for the next test.
- Never start a conversation by talking badly about another person, since this will make you seem negative.
2
Ask your crush for advice. Try asking your crush for casual advice, and try to use this advice as a way to open the door to hanging out. For instance, you could ask your crush for advice about where to eat after the football game, then use the conversation as an opportunity to invite them to sit with you and your friends at the game.^{[2]
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- Say something like, "Hey, my friends and I were looking for somewhere to get a bite to eat after the football game. Where do you think we should go?" If your crush offers a suggestions, say, "Thanks! Do you want to come with us to the game and eat with us afterwards?"
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3
Ask your crush about the things they like. Show an interest in learning about the things your crush is into. Find out if they secretly love math class or if they can't get enough of black and white movies on the weekends. These things help a lot...getting to know them better than anyone else is one of the most important steps in friendship.^{[3]
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- Try asking your crush open-ended questions instead of questions that can be answered with yes or no. For instance, instead of asking "Do you like the show Vikings?" you could say "What kind of TV shows are you into?"
- Ask "What do you like to do for fun?" to find out what kind of hobbies your crush is into. Be ready to answer with the things you like to do, too. See what kind of things the two of you have in common!
4
Use humor to get closer. If you hear a funny joke, try repeating it to your crush. If telling jokes isn't your style, tell a funny story instead. Not everyone shares the same sense of humor, so don't worry if your jokes don't go over well, but best friends can usually find something to laugh about together.^{[4]
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- Try telling your crush about something funny that happened in class, like when your teacher accidentally said a swear word after dropping her coffee cup.
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Don't pretend to be someone you're not. If your goal is to be best friends with your crush, you'll need to be yourself in order to be a true friend. If you pretend to be someone you're not just to get them to like you, eventually they're going to discover that you were being deceptive. Another thing that you could say would be telling your crush about something that you did that was either stupid or attracted laughs. Chances are, they'll laugh too!l^{[5]
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- Embrace whatever makes you unique! For example, if you love comic books, don't be afraid to share that. You might just find out that your crush has an impressive stash of vintage Green Lantern comics.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting Closer to Your Crush

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Compliment your crush.^{[6]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Don't go overboard with this, because it can make you seem like you're trying too hard. But if you notice your crush got a new haircut or is wearing a really cool pair of shoes, go ahead and mention it. You can also compliment them on their character to show that you really value them as a friend. For instance, you might tell your crush, "I thought it was really cool when you invited that kid who was sitting alone to join our lunch table. You're really kind."^{[7]
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Offer to help your crush with a problem. If you notice that your crush is having trouble with a school project, offer to lend a hand. Your help can even be to just offer emotional support. You might say something like, "I overheard you saying you got in a fight with your parents this morning. Do you want to talk about it?"^{[8]
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3
Make time to hang out together. Once you and your crush have gotten to a friendly level, invite them to hang out with you. Start by hanging out as part of a larger group, like going to the movies with several friends. Eventually, see if your crush is open to just the two of you grabbing lunch together.^{[9]
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4
Share things about yourself. When you're first getting to know each other, you and your crush might only talk about casual subjects like sports or school. As you get closer, it's important that you start to share things about yourself, like how you feel about your parents or the way you felt when your pet ran away. This will encourage your crush to open up to you, as well.^{[10]
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- If you feel too vulnerable after you share something intimate about yourself, make a joke about it and change the subject. Even if your crush doesn't say anything at the time, they will remember that you felt comfortable enough to share a piece of yourself.
5
Go on adventures together. One of the best ways to go from friendship to best-friendship is to share a crazy experience together. These usually happen when you least expect them, but you can try to make them happen by planning something unusual, like a trip to a nearby haunted house or an afternoon at the flea market.^{[11]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Having Realistic Expectations

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Give the friendship time to develop.^{[12]
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John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Think about the last time you called someone your "best friend." It likely took a while for that friendship to develop to that level, right? Don't try to force the friendship to be best friend-level too fast. Just work on being a good friend and let it develop naturally.^{[13]
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2
Don't expect anything more than friendship. This one can be hard if you're really crushing, but trying to get to be friends with someone with the goal of making them like you is usually really obvious. This can push your crush away, and then you'll lose out on even being friends with them. Focus on the value of your friendship, and just enjoy the time the two of you spend together.^{[14]
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- As you and your crush get closer, the two of you might end up developing a relationship, but you also may find that you start to see your crush as just a very good friend.
3
Don't be jealous if your crush likes someone else. You should be prepared that at some point your crush might decide they like someone else. If you're really being their friend, be supportive, not jealous.^{[15]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Instead of criticizing your crush's new girlfriend or boyfriend, try to make friends with them instead. Your crush will appreciate your maturity in the situation.^{[16]
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Conversation Help

Ways to Introduce Yourself to Your Crush

Conversation Topics to Become Best Friends with a Crush

Ways to Tell Your Friend You Have a Crush on Them

Expert Q&A
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Question

What can I do to befriend my crush?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

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Take your friendship slowly so you can learn more about the other person. As you get more comfortable with them, you can start flirting with them more.
Question

Is it okay to be friends with your crush?

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Of course! In some cases, a good friendship can even lead to a romantic relationship down the line. However, it’s important to keep your expectations realistic and respect your crush’s boundaries. If they’ve made it clear that they aren’t interested in a romantic relationship, don’t try to push it. If you feel like your attraction to them makes it too painful to just hang out as friends, then it might be a good idea to get some distance from them for a while.
Question

How can you make your crush fall for you?

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You can’t make your crush fall in love with you—that’s up to them! However, spending quality time with them, being supportive, and showing a genuine interest in who they are as a person can help. Try to be the best version of yourself around them so that they can see your attractive qualities. It might not have occurred to them that you like them as something other than a friend, so it can also be helpful to tell them honestly how you’re feeling. Or, just try asking them on a date and see what happens!