How to Change a Woman's Mind About You

Co-authored by John Keegan and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: March 29, 2022 References

If a woman has the wrong impression of you, you can change her mind about you by showing her the person you truly are. Be a great listener and do thoughtful things for her. If you're hoping to have a romantic relationship, express your feelings for her. You might find that you can change her mind just by improving communication.

1

Do something nice for her.

Surprise her with kindness if she has the wrong idea about you. If she thinks you're arrogant or self-centered, show her that you're actually a caring person. Sure, giving her flowers is a classic display of affection, but you could bring her a coffee or run an errand for her.^{[1]
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- If she's a co-worker, maybe you could help her with a project. Offer to do a task that she doesn't really enjoy doing.

2

Make her laugh.

Humor is a really effective way to connect with a woman. It shows her that you're smart, but you don't take yourself too seriously. Being funny is really helpful if she thinks you have a high opinion of yourself or that you don't relate well to others.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Tell a few jokes and she may start to rethink her opinion of you.^{[3]
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- Stick with jokes that aren't at anyone's expense. She won't think well of you if you're telling jokes that hurt someone else's feelings.

3

Pay her an authentic compliment.

Say something nice before you try to persuade her. This might not seem very helpful, but research suggests that giving a compliment can soften someone's outlook so they're more likely to consider your perspective.^{[4]
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- Giving compliments also shows that you're not completely wrapped up in yourself. If she thinks you're rude, saying nice things might be enough to change her mind.^{[5]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- For example, you might say, "Your earrings are beautiful. You always look really put together."

4

Point out the things you have in common with her.

Sharing similarities will put her at ease and could spark a connection. She might realize that she can relate to you if you share the same interests. This might even lead her to think that maybe she was wrong about you.^{[6]
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- For example, if she's talked about traveling somewhere you'd love to go, share your enthusiasm for the place! She might start to see you in a new, positive light.

5

Be honest with her about your feelings.

Don't pretend or ignore how you feel about her. It's obviously important to you that this woman think better of you, so don't hide how you feel. If you're interested in a romantic relationship, be open with her instead of just staying friends and hoping that she'll become attracted to you.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- For example, you could say, "I realize we haven't known each other very long and you might not think of me in this way, but I really like you and I'm hoping we could be more than just friends."
- Plus, a platonic friendship should be based on trust and respect. It's dishonest to simply be friends in the hopes she'll become your girlfriend.
- The key is to be truthful—don't tell her what you think she wants to hear or she'll think you're not authentic. Besides, you want her to like you for who you are.

6

Listen to what she has to say without interrupting.

If you're trying to change her mind, you might just listen for what you want to hear. Keep an open mind when you talk with her and ask her questions so you completely understand what she thinks and how she feels.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Active listening is a great way to make a connection with someone, especially if you know she thinks you're rude and don't listen to people.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Patti Novak Williams
Professional Matchmaker & Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 12 January 2021.}
- For instance, show her that you're listening by saying something like, "It sounds like you've been through a pretty bad breakup and that your ex didn't really appreciate you."
- Make eye contact and mirror some of her gestures to create an unconscious connection with her.^{[10]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Just remember to look away occasionally so you're not being too intense with a direct gaze.

7

Keep your body language open and confident.

Show her that you feel comfortable in your own skin and easy to approach. Instead of hunching forward and making yourself seem small, push your chest out and pull your shoulders back. Stand straight and tall so you have a big presence. Keep your arms at your sides instead of crossing them so you don't look standoffish.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
Official peer-reviewed and multidisciplary journal for the National Academy of Sciences.
Go to source}
- Confidence is contagious—if you want to change her mind, show her that you believe in yourself and that you value yourself.
- Don't forget to read her nonverbal cues. If she's open and receptive to what you're saying, she'll probably have her arms open instead of crossed and she'll make eye contact. If she's not into what you're saying, she'll probably glance away and keep her arms crossed in front of her.

8

Look your best so you impress her.

Dress the part so the woman thinks more highly of you. Clean yourself up and wear a nice outfit, style your hair, and groom yourself, so you make her rethink her impression of you.^{[12]
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- This is especially important if you're usually really casual. Instead of throwing out lounge pants and an old T-shirt, for instance, wear nicer clothes that fit you well and take the time to accessorize your outfit. You'll look like you put more effort into your appearance and she'll notice.

9

Don't nag or harass her to change her mind.

If you've told her how you feel and ask her to think better of you, that's great! Give her a chance to think about how she feels before you bring it up again. She's more likely to change her mind if she doesn't feel pressured.^{[13]
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- She may be turned off if you constantly tease her, especially if she thinks of you as a player. Giving her some space shows maturity and interest in her as a person.
- This doesn't mean that you ignore her or don't respond when she's around. You don't want to validate a negative opinion that she might have of you.

Expert Q&A

Question

Where can I meet a new woman?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You can meet a new woman anywhere and everywhere. Be open to it every day of your life. There are a lot of attractive people around you. For example, you may find them at the supermarket, bookstore, or in a subway car.
Question

How do you introduce yourself to a woman?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you want to introduce yourself to someone, you should not enter their life abruptly. Give them enough space and distance. You can make eye contact with them and say hello in a soft tone. Let them feel safe and then open up. Offer a direct compliment or start a conversation with something in the situation. For example, if you are shopping for fruits and vegetables, you can say that you are moving to all-organic and ask them if they are doing the same.
Question

How do I change a woman's mind about me if she spends time with me, but is also spending time with someone else?

Community Answer

Tell her how you feel. Let her know that you have serious feelings for her and you want to be in an exclusive relationship. If she needs time to think about it, give her that time. If she says she's not interested in a relationship with you, let her go and find somebody who is.

Warnings

Never think that you can change a woman's mind by being physically or verbally aggressive. Intimidation, threatening, and bullying are abusive.

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