How to Choose Who Walks You Down the Aisle

Co-authored by Hope Mirlis

Last Updated: September 24, 2021

Choosing who walks you down the aisle at your wedding can be a tricky decision, especially if you are torn between several people. Being walked down the aisle by a significant person in your life, whether it’s a family member or a friend, can feel like an essential part of your wedding. You can decide who to ask to give you away at your wedding by thinking about possible candidates among your family, friends, or other important people in your life. You can then ask that person to walk you down the aisle with tact and diplomacy so that they agree to be apart of your special day.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Choosing Family Members to Walk You Down the Aisle

1
Identify the most important family member in your life. It may help to start by thinking about who is the most important family member in your life and then consider asking that person to walk you down the aisle. Perhaps you consider your brother your most important person in your life. Or maybe the first person that pops into your head is your single mother who raised you on her own.^{[1]
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- You may write down a few people who are important to you in your family on a piece of paper and then choose one from the list. Or you may discuss the most important family members in your life with your partner or another family member and come up with the right person together.
- Keep in mind you can be walked down the aisle by more than one person. For example, you may realize that your mother and your father are both important to you, and decide to ask them both to walk you down the aisle. This is your wedding after all, so you can make it your own.
2
Go traditional and ask your father. Traditionally, the bride is escorted down the aisle by her father. If you want to go traditional, you may decide to ask your father to accompany you down the aisle. This can be an option in heterosexual marriage and same-sex marriage for a dash of tradition in the ceremony.^{[2]
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- You may opt for asking a father figure in your life if you are not close to your biological father, such as a mentor, a coach, or a close family friend.
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3
Consider asking a stepparent. Perhaps your biological parent has passed or is still alive, but you were raised by a stepparent. You may decide to ask your stepparent to walk you down the aisle to honor their contribution to your life. Or you may ask both stepparents to walk you down the aisle to honor them both.^{[3]
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- If your biological parent or parents are still alive, you may feel a bit awkward asking a stepparent to walk you down the aisle. One option is to have one biological parent and one stepparent walk you down the aisle together.
4
Go for a close family member if your parents have passed. If your parents are no longer alive, you may consider reaching out to a family member you are close to. This could be an uncle, an aunt, or a cousin. You may also ask a grandparent, if they are still alive, or a sibling you are close to.^{[4]
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- Walking down the aisle with a sibling or another family member may be a good way to honor the memory of your parents as a family and acknowledge their contribution to your lives.
5
Ask your son or daughter if you are getting remarried. If you are getting remarried to a new partner, you may find you are closer to your son or daughter than to other family. You may decide to ask your child or two of your children to walk you down the aisle.^{[5]
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- This is a good option for individuals who are older in age and getting married, as they may not be as close to their parents as they are to their children.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Selecting Friends or Others to Walk You Down the Aisle

1
Opt for a close friend if you are not close to your family. Some people are closer to their friends then they are to their family. If you realize you are closer to your best friend than you are to a family member, they may be the right person to walk you down the aisle.
- You may even ask two close friends to accompany you down the aisle, especially if you are torn between two close friends and do not want to have to chose.
2
Ask a family friend. There may be a close friend of the family who has been in your life since childhood or during a pivotal time in your life, such as a good friend of your father’s or your mother’s. Perhaps your family has always been close with a next door neighbor or a business associate. You may decide to ask this family friend to walk you down the aisle to honor their contribution to your life and to help you honor your union with your partner.
3
Enlist the family pet. One fun option is to include your family pet by having them accompany you down the aisle at your wedding. You may enlist a pet you and your family own or a pet you and your partner own together. Having a pet accompany you can be a unique and interesting addition to your wedding.
- If you do end up enlisting a pet to walk you down the aisle, you should make sure you practice the walk with them several times so they are prepared on the day of the wedding.
4
Consider walking down the aisle alone or with your partner. For a non-conventional approach, you may decide to walk down the aisle alone. This approach can be a way for you to express your independence and try a non-traditional way to run your wedding. You may also feel more comfortable walking down the aisle alone than with family or a friend.
- You and your partner may also decide to forgo the walk down the aisle tradition to family or a friend and walk down the aisle together. This can be a way for you to feel connected and part of a pair at your wedding from the very start of the ceremony.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Asking the Person to Walk You Down the Aisle

1
Find a quiet, private time to ask. When you ask the person the big question, try to pick a time where you will be able to speak to the person in private. You may invite the person out for coffee or for dinner and pose the question then. Or you may pull the person aside at a social gathering and ask them when you are both alone.
- If you are asking someone who lives in a different area, state, or country, you may end up calling them at a time when they will be alone to ask them the question.
2
Pose the question to the person. Let the person know you want to ask them an important question and that you hope they say yes. You might explain to them that they have been an important person in your life. You may then phrase the question by asking, "Will you do me the honor of walking me down the aisle at my wedding?" Or you may ask, "Would you be willing to be a part of my wedding and walk me down the aisle?"
3
Let others know why you choose the person. Once the person accepts your request, you may worry about others in your life who will be upset that you did not ask them. You may also have people in your life who expected they would be asked and may be disappointed by your choice. You should reassure them that you choose the person for specific reasons and because you have the ability to decide who is part of your wedding. You may also tell others that you made your decision by going with your heart or your gut, and not to slight or offend anyone close to you.^{[6]
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- For example, you may say, "I'm sorry if you're upset about my decision but I went with the person I felt was right for the role. I hope you will still support me on my special day."

Expert Q&A

Question

Who walks you down the aisle if you've lost your father?

Hope Mirlis
Wedding Officiant & Marriage Counselor
Hope Mirlis is a registered Wedding Officiant, an Ordained Non-Denominational Minister, and a Certified Yoga Instructor specializing in pre-wedding mental health. She is the Founder of A More Perfect Union, a premarital counseling business. She has worked as a counselor and officiant for over eight years and has helped hundreds of couples strengthen their relationships. She has a MFA in Dramatic Arts from the University of California, Davis.

Hope Mirlis

Wedding Officiant & Marriage Counselor

Expert Answer

Decide what feels the truest to you if your father has passed. In instances where a bride's father can't walk her down the aisle, I've seen mothers step in, I've seen siblings walk with the bride, and I've seen brides walk themselves down the aisle. In those cases, the bride is usually saying, 'No one can take the place of my father, so I would prefer to walk by myself.' It can be a really stunning moment, because there's a lot of strength, not necessarily sadness.
Question

Who will escort the bride down the aisle? Her father or does she go on her own?

Community Answer

Her father will escort her down the aisle, that is traditional with the wedding processional. However, if your father cannot do it for any reason, you can choose someone else important to you in your life, such as a brother or sister, your mother or a friend. It is also possible to go down the aisle alone, if that is what you prefer.
Question

I am the maid of honor. Can I get escorted by the best man?

Community Answer

Yes, you can if you want, at the reception. To do so, enter in with the best man as the maid of honor.