How to Cope when a Long Term Relationship Ends Suddenly

Co-authored by Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: October 21, 2021 References

All breakups are hard, but they can hurt even more when you don't see it coming. While it might not seem like it right now, there are ways you can cope with your long term relationship ending and get on the path to healing. Read through these tips to learn how you can take care of yourself and mend your broken heart over time.

Method 1

Method 1 of 10:

Work through your emotions.

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Express yourself however you feel you need to. You might be sad, angry, hurt, or confused about your recent breakup. Don’t try to tamp those feelings down—yell or cry as much as you need to right now. If you’re feeling really angry, try expressing it in a healthy way by exercising or trying meditation.^{[1]
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- It might also be helpful to write your feelings down in a journal. That way, they stay private, but you can still let them out.
- Or, talk to a loved one about what happened and how you’re feeling about it.
- If you’re really struggling with your emotions, try talking to a mental health professional.^{[2]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

Method 2

Method 2 of 10:

Lean on your support system.

1
Ask your friends and family to spend time with you. They can offer you advice or simply be a distraction in your time of need. You don’t have to do anything big—simply going over to someone’s house for dinner or watching a movie together can help you keep your mind off things.^{[3]
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- If you feel comfortable, you could try talking about your feelings with your friends or family members. If you don’t, that’s okay too.
- Being alone suddenly after you’ve been in a long term relationship can be hard. Try not to isolate yourself, and aim to spend time with positive, upbeat people who will improve your mood.
- If you’re feeling particularly lonely, try reconnecting with old friends or making new ones by joining a club or hobby group.

Method 3

Method 3 of 10:

Develop a daily routine.

1
Sticking to a schedule gets you out of bed every day. Try to get out of bed around the same time to start your day. Make sure you eat 3 meals, drink a lot of water, and try to get some exercise in, too. It might seem hard now, but creating a routine makes it a lot easier.^{[4]
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- Exercising might seem difficult now too, but it can really help improve your mental state and keep you physically healthy. Aim for 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day if you can.

Method 4

Method 4 of 10:

Practice self care.

1
Do something you like to do every day. You could take a bubble bath, read a good book, or listen to your favorite music. Set aside 10 to 15 minutes to do something relaxing and energizing to keep your spirits up and improve your overall mental health.^{[5]
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- You could also try doing yoga, practicing meditation, getting crafty, or going out into nature.
- Doing self care can help boost your self-esteem, which is a great thing to do right after a breakup.

Method 5

Method 5 of 10:

Try out new hobbies.

1
What’s something you’ve always wanted to do? It could be a new sport, a new art, or a new piece of technology. Dive into a fun hobby that you’ve been too busy for to focus on something else and keep your mind off your emotions.^{[6]
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Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources.
Go to source}
- Trying new hobbies can help you focus on the now instead of dwelling on the past.
- If you don’t have any hobbies that excite you, try focusing on your career path instead. Throw yourself into your work as a distraction from your feelings and recent events.

Method 6

Method 6 of 10:

Don’t make any major decisions.

1
Wait until your head is a little clearer. After a breakup, it’s natural to think about quitting your job and moving across the country. Give yourself a few months to let the dust settle before making any huge changes in your life. When you’re thinking clearly again, then you can make big decisions.^{[7]
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- It’s normal to feel scared or uncertain about your future right after a breakup. Think of life as a journey, and don’t worry if you don’t have it all figured out just yet.^{[8]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

Method 7

Method 7 of 10:

Find the lesson in your breakup.

1
It might not seem like it, but your experience taught you something. Take a look back on your relationship and see what you learned—maybe you found out what kind of partner you want in life or what your goals are going forward. Try to reframe this situation into a positive one to allow yourself to heal.^{[9]
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- It can be tough to do this right away, so give yourself a bit of time before attempting to reframe like this.

Method 8

Method 8 of 10:

Don’t contact your ex.

1
Too much contact can send mixed messages. Block their number, delete them from social media, and don’t answer if they try to contact you. The more you can distance yourself from them, the easier you’ll heal.^{[10]
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- You may still need to contact your ex about logistics, like mortgages, bills, or even your kids. If that’s the case, try to keep your communications brief, and only talk about logistical things.

Method 9

Method 9 of 10:

Get back out there when you’re ready.

1
Don’t be afraid to date again after a few months. While you probably don’t want to jump right back into the dating scene (that’s a recipe for a rebound relationship), don’t let your breakup stop you from falling in love again. It might not seem like it right now, but you can find someone to love you and commit to you all over again.^{[11]
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- There’s no specific timeline for how long you should wait before dating again. However, if you think you’re still in love with your ex, it’s probably too soon.

Method 10

Method 10 of 10:

Avoid using drugs and alcohol to cope.

1
It can be tempting to use these things to ease the pain of your breakup. However, in the long run, these substances will only end up hurting you more. Plus, they won’t help you work through your emotions, and it could make your healing process last much longer.^{[12]
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- If you’re struggling with drugs or alcohol, a mental health professional may be able to help.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
  Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
  Expert Interview. 15 October 2021.}

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you deal with an unexpected breakup?

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical

Expert Answer

Journaling and confiding in a good friend can be a big help. You can also talk to a therapist, who can emotionally coach you through the aftermath.
Question

How do you accept the fact that your relationship is over?

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C
Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical
Raffi Bilek is a couples counselor and family therapist, and the Director of The Baltimore Therapy Center, LLC. With more than ten years of experience, he specializes in helping individuals, couples, and families save and improve their relationships. He enjoys training other therapists to work with couples through the most difficult situations, including infidelity, divorce, and more. Raffi holds a Bachelor's degree in Computer Science from Brown University and a Master's degree in Social Work from The Wurzweiler School of Social Work.

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C

Licensed Certified Social Worker – Clinical

Expert Answer

Try coming to terms with the reality of doubt. As tough as it is, you might not get closure from your ex, and that's a very important thing to accept. Try saying an affirmation to yourself, like "I would like to know why Jay cut things off, but I may not get that."