How to Deal With Falling in Love with Your Best Friend (for Guys)

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: March 24, 2023 Approved

If you're one of those guys who's begun having feelings for your female best friend (or just a female friend), these instructions might help. Dealing with it can be very tough, especially if you find she doesn't feel the same way about you.

Steps

1
Assess your personalities. Are they compatible? You've likely seen your best friend in a relationship with someone else before. Is she flirty with other men even when they're not single or does she become all-consumed in a relationship with someone? Examine her (and your own) common traits when dating someone and see if you can handle this step-up in relation with her.
2
Look at your habits. Does she do things which completely irritate you (and vice versa)? If so, the chances of lasting in a long-term relationship will be affected. Annoying habits are easy to brush over for a few months before they become all you notice.

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3
Understand your abilities to compromise. There's way more give-and-take in a relationship than there is in a friendship. Can you truly accommodate each other's wants and needs? Can you do so maturely?
4
Assess your abilities to trust. If you're already best friends, you already knew each other's secrets and some very personal information about one another. Can you trust your friend not to fall in love with someone else again or use that information against you if you break up?
5
Understand the attraction. If the attraction is mostly physical, a fling may not be worth damaging such a close friendship over. If you don't want to risk the mental component of your relationship, look at finding a casual sex partner elsewhere.
6
Observe if she has the same feelings for you.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Remember, she might look at you as a brother-figure and then be shocked when you tell her how you feel about her. This could ruin everything, but it could also make the relationship better. Weigh the risks against the possibilities. Be careful about coming out too suddenly or openly. No matter what you have to say, there's always a gentle way to say it.
7
Take your time. Don't tell her right away. Drop subtle comments like, "You know, we've been friends for a long time," or "What would I do without you?" These are essentially harmless displays of affection toward her. However, don't drop them too often because you will risk being too obvious.
8
Spend some time together. Enjoy the same activities you always have as best friends. Show her that you're fun to be around.
9
Use humor. If you both have a sense of humor, tell each other jokes you like. It serves to entertain you both (and if you're lucky, you may get emotionally little closer before you even properly realize). If you have an inside joke, use it when it fits the situation.
10
Be there for her. It's important to understand what she needs. If she wants a shoulder to cry on, offer one. If she's cold, lend your jacket. Over time, she's bound to notice how great you are. You need to make sure she sees what a great boyfriend you would make and starts thinking about the idea herself. Remember to be there for her because you care about her, not because you expect anything in return.
11
Be patient. If you're lucky and compatible, things will work out. Most relationships are made long in advance and are just waiting to happen.
12
Tell her how you feel.^{[2]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} This is often easier for a guy than a girl because most girls are pretty considerate of feelings. Give her a chance to understand you and when you think the time is right, tell her what you think.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Candice Mostisser
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.} Of course, you may risk ruining and/or losing your friendship, or at least changing it even if you don´t want to. But if it turns out lucky, then she will be even more considerate of you and your feelings.
- Don't break the news in an awkward, uncomfortable place where they won't have any escape route, like a party.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}
13
Be prepared for rejection.^{[5]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If she doesn't end up liking you back, stay cool. Be casual and try not to let the friendship get awkward. Try to get things back to the way they were before.
- Your friend might also not have an immediate answer. Give them to think things over with a clear head.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Candice Mostisser
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 24 January 2020.}

Warnings

If you tell her and she isn't interested, steer clear of rubbing your feelings in and trying to make her love you. You'll lose a very good friend.

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Even if you do get together, this can spell utter doom for the friendship. You might get together, but what if you break up later on? Even if it's mutual, you would be seeing your former lover in the arms of other people. How would that make you feel? Be mindful of the future.

⧼thumbs_response⧽
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This can be a very tricky situation. If you truly love her, you will know in your heart and the truth will want to come out. Pick a good moment to tell her and it may just work out your way.

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