How to Deal with Toxic Coworkers

Co-authored by Meredith Walters, MBA

Last Updated: January 28, 2022 References

Struggling to put up with an obnoxiously toxic coworker? It can be tempting to react strongly to a problematic coworker who is getting on your nerves, but it’s a lot easier to deal with them in a healthy, efficient way. In this article, we’ll show you how to put up with their nonsense in the most efficient, professional way possible. Remember, if all else fails you can always ignore them so that you can continue to focus on yourself and your work.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Staying Positive in Your Interactions

1
Highlight their work. Toxicity is often a sign of insecurity. By giving the co-worker credit or highlighting something that they’ve done, you may give them some semblance of positivity in their life, which could help with the toxicity. You may also find a friend you didn’t think you could have.
- For example, tell your boss all that your co-worker has done if you’ve worked together on a project. Or nominate them for employee of the month. You never know what this act of kindness could do for someone.^{[1]
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2
Avoid taking the behavior personally. Chances are, you’re not the reason for the behavior. However, you may be the person on which they are taking out their frustrations. But that doesn’t mean you should allow it.
- Hold the person accountable for their behavior and don’t justify it. Attempt to talk to them about it. You could ask them why they behave the way they do towards you. Your confrontation may be enough to make them stop. ^{[2]
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- Keep in mind that being direct and respectful is a much better option than letting the behavior slide. Letting it slide may lead to more problems over time.
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3
Search for the positives. Dealing with a toxic co-worker can affect more areas of your life than just work. It can make you act differently at home and in other aspects of your life. Find people who could potentially lift you up, especially if it is at work.
- Along with surrounding yourself with people who are positive, give yourself some positive self-talk, as well. Remind yourself that you are a good person who has many things to contribute, despite how this person may make you feel.^{[3]
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4
Counteract the negative. There are always two sides to every situation. Try to help the person see the positive rather than the negative. Tell the person the reasons why the situation isn’t as bad as they think it is. Doing so could put a spin on their perspective, making life easier for both of you.
- For instance, if the person says, “I hate these hours. I can’t ever do what I want.” You could say, “I actually like the hours. It allows me to have more flexibility with my schedule outside of work.” Telling them a positive to their negatives may also make them stop flooding you with the toxic comments.^{[4]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Setting Personal Boundaries

1
Keep yourself away. Try to distance yourself from the toxicity. Keeping yourself away can prevent you from being affected by the negativity and stop you from becoming toxic yourself.
- Ask to be seated somewhere else at work to get away from the co-worker, if possible. You could also have a one-on-one talk with your manager or boss and tell them why you would prefer not to work with the person.^{[5]
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2
Speak to someone about the behavior. The person may be so used to their toxic behavior that they don’t even realize they are doing it. If they are impeding with your productivity or livelihood, it may be time to alert the attention of your supervisor. Bring other co-workers into the conversation, if needed. Having more people with you can make a bigger impact.
- You could say, “I just want to make you aware of how Terry acts at work. It makes him look like a negative person, which I don’t think he really means to be.” Then go on to give examples of their toxicity. Giving proof can help them believe it more, and make it more likely that they take action.^{[6]
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- Also, keep in mind that you might find out that you are the only one bothered by the person’s behavior. You may be projecting your own negativity onto this person, so be prepared for this possibility.
3
Don’t engage. Keep things short and sweet with this person, particularly if they start to complain. Interacting any further with them only encourages them to keep going. Shutting them down lets them know you aren’t interested.
- For example, when they start to complain about something that happened to them at work, you could say, “I’m sorry to hear that.” And then change the subject. The person should take the hint that you aren’t interested in hearing their negative comments, eventually.^{[7]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Protecting Yourself from Toxic People

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Understand why the person’s behavior bugs you so much. Are you bothered by the person’s behavior because it reminds you of something you don’t like about yourself? Do they talk about things that bother you, but that you don’t want to speak up about? Taking a good hard look at the real reason for your disdain may help you learn to deal with it better.^{[8]
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- The next time you're in the presence of the toxic coworker, observe what they do and what goes on in your head. Take some notes. Later, review what you observed and see if you can find any personal impact.
- For example, maybe this person makes hideous comments that you would never say aloud. However, you do think these comments in your head. You may be upset because this person doesn't know to keep such comments to themselves, or you might be envious because you would never dare speak them aloud.
2
Think of yourself first. You don’t want to turn into that toxic co-worker you can’t stand. A good way to stop that from happening is to find out how they got there. You may be able to prevent that by putting yourself in their shoes. Taking a look at something through their eyes may shed some light onto the situation.
- For instance, reflect on your own attitudes and think about how you’re acting towards them. Think about how you are perceived by them, especially if it is you that they often lash out at. Is it something you are doing unconsciously? If so, change your ways and they may change theirs. You may also stop yourself from becoming so negative, as well.^{[9]
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- Try to learn whatever you can from the situation and view it as an opportunity for growth. This may help to make the situation into something positive.
3
Throw yourself into work. Keep yourself busy and try not to pay attention to what they’re doing. Try not to give yourself any downtime. Doing so can stop you from engaging with them and give you an excuse if they attempt to engage with you.
- For instance, if they walk into your office or desk and attempt to have a conversation, you could say, “I’m sorry. I don’t have time to talk. I really need to get this work done.” You’re not lying and it sends a message.^{[10]
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4
Leave the work environment. Sometimes you just can’t make a situation better. You may not be able to change the person’s ways. Instead of staying around and waiting for something to happen, while the toxicity tears away at you little by little, your best option may be to leave.
- There’s not much chance that the person in question will leave or get fired. Unfortunately, you may have to make the move. Doing so may seem difficult at first, but it will likely be better for you in the long run.^{[11]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you outsmart a manipulative coworker?

Meredith Walters, MBA
Certified Career Coach
Meredith Walters is a Certified Career Coach who helps people develop the skills they need to find meaningful, fulfilling work. Meredith has over eight years of career and life coaching experience, including conducting training at Emory University's Goizueta School of Business and the US Peace Corps. She is a former Member of the Board of Directors of ICF-Georgia. She earned her coaching credentials from New Ventures West and a Master of Business Administration from the University of San Francisco.

Meredith Walters, MBA

Certified Career Coach

Expert Answer

It's not always easy, but try to have some compassion. People who are toxic have usually had many hurtful, challenging experiences in their life that made them that way.