How to Get Your Coworker to Stop Telling You How to Do Your Job

Co-authored by Meredith Walters, MBA

Last Updated: October 3, 2022 References Approved

Should a bossy person rule the roost in the workplace? A bossy coworker can make work life unpleasant and even difficult if they insist on taking the reins of everything you're responsible for. Get some control by creating boundaries and changing the way you interact with the person. Have a talk with them and let them know how you feel. You can always go to an authority for help.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Responding to the Comment

1
Stay calm. It can be frustrating and upsetting when someone tries to take over something you know you are fully capable of completing. If you’re feeling annoyed or angry, try to keep your cool. Don’t do or say anything you might regret or that might make you look foolish at the workplace.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Meredith Walters, MBA
Certified Career Coach
Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.}
- If you need a moment, walk away or take some deep breaths. Return to resolve the problem when you’re ready.
2
Keep it about work. Don’t take their words or actions personally. It likely has very little to do with you and is more about them wanting to help or feel important. It’s not a personal attack on your character, so do your best not to make it about you.^{[2]
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- Remind yourself that this is about work and your co-worker. This will help you stay in control and not react emotionally.
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3
Gain some perspective. Think about the behavior and try to figure out where it comes from. For example, the coworker may have had your job before you and done it differently. If you’re new to the job or to the department, take some time to get to know the people and how they operate. Some people are high-strung while others want to impress the manager with good group work. Whatever it is, try and gain some understanding.
- For example, some people don’t like change. Your coworker may be bossing you around because they are uncomfortable with things being done differently.
- It can be helpful to check in with other coworkers to see if they feel they are being micromanaged, too. This can shed light on whether the behavior is specific to you or if this is just how the person operates
4
Ignore the behavior. There are some times when ignoring the behavior is the best course of action. If your coworker is bossy only at times, such as one particular task they used to do before you took over, but leaves you alone most of the time, it's perhaps best to just let it be and dismiss the bossiness on those occasions when they do intervene. If the impact of their behavior in minimal, let it go.
- Ask yourself, “Can I live with the bossiness?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Interacting with the Coworker

1
Acknowledge them. Sometimes, people just want to be heard. You can acknowledge them and their “advice” without making a big deal or getting upset. When they speak, look them in the eye and listen. Don’t interrupt them. Allow them to speak and say what they want to say, then respond in a way that shows that you've heard them. Without saying anything more (or arguing), let the person know you’ve heard them.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Meredith Walters, MBA
Certified Career Coach
Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.}
- For example, say, “I hear you saying you’d use different materials” or, “Okay. Thanks for that feedback.”
2
Say something to them. If someone is behaving inappropriately at work, it’s okay to say something. Take a calm and professional tone and say something short and succinct. Avoid making a scene by remaining polite.^{[4]
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- For example, say, “I know you would do it differently, but this is my project.”
3
Share how you feel. You might want to say how their behavior is affecting you. If you do this, stay away from blaming and stick to “I” statements. Let them know how their behavior is affecting you and that you want it to stop.^{[5]
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- For example, say, “It bothers me when you step in and take over my job.” Or try saying, “I feel like you don’t trust me to do a good job on my own.”
4
Create firm boundaries. Be consistent and firm in asserting your own boundaries at work. If someone wants to boss you around, respond in a similar manner each time so that they understand that you’re fine on your own. Assert yourself and your needs so that the person knows your boundaries and not to cross them.^{[6]
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- For example, say, “No, I’m planning to do it this way” or, “Thank you, but I’ve got this covered.”
- If you want to be extra clear, say, “I hear that you want to help, but it’s not necessary. Please respect my work and let me complete it on my own.”
5
Lead by example. If someone is quick to offer advice to you on your work, take a different approach when discussing their work. Give them an appropriate alternative and interact with them in the way you’d like them to approach you. When talking to co-workers around the bossy co-worker, model a similar behavior.^{[7]
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- For example, say, “Would you like some input?” or, “Is there any help you’d like?” You can also say, “I don't want to overstep. Is it okay for me to comment on this?”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Making Workplace Changes

1
Define your role. Be clear in what you do and who else is involved in the work you do. Schedule a meeting with your manager and go over what’s expected of you. Then, clearly assert the work you do as your own. This can help clear misunderstandings and clarify roles.
- This way, you can be clear in any misunderstandings with your coworker. Say, “That’s part of my responsibilities, not yours.”
- Consider scheduling a meeting with your work group, too, and going over the responsibilities that everyone involved has been assigned. This will help clarify your own and everyone else's roles.
2
Speak up at meetings. Talk to your manager about having some time to discuss your work at meetings. You can make a presentation or update your coworkers on any changes you’ve been making. This allows you to inform people what you’re working on. Give people time to ask questions and gain understanding of what you’re doing.^{[8]
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- Throughout your speaking time, remain confident in portraying the work you’re doing. If anyone chimes in, say, “You can ask questions or make comments at the end.”
3
Talk to a manager. If you’ve tried different methods to get the person off your back and they haven’t worked, try talking to someone in more authority. Let them know what’s going on and, more importantly, how it’s affecting your work. Ask them for advice or how to move forward. If necessary, ask them to intervene.^{[9]
X
Expert Source

Meredith Walters, MBA
Certified Career Coach
Expert Interview. 22 November 2019.}
- Say, “I need some help. There’s someone who keeps trying to take over my work and I’m not sure how to handle it. Do you have any advice on what to do?”

Expert Q&A
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Question

How do you deal with backstabbers at work?

Meredith Walters, MBA
Certified Career Coach
Meredith Walters is a Certified Career Coach who helps people develop the skills they need to find meaningful, fulfilling work. Meredith has over eight years of career and life coaching experience, including conducting training at Emory University's Goizueta School of Business and the US Peace Corps. She is a former Member of the Board of Directors of ICF-Georgia. She earned her coaching credentials from New Ventures West and a Master of Business Administration from the University of San Francisco.

Meredith Walters, MBA

Certified Career Coach

Expert Answer

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People are rarely toxic for no reason at all. Start by pulling the problematic coworker aside and speaking to them privately. Ask them honestly, and openly, what their problem with you is. It may be that they have something going on in their personal life, or that you don't have all of the information. Just try to be empathetic and see things from your coworker's perspective. Even if they do authentically dislike you, at least now you know and you tried to address the problem as a professional.
Question

How do I deal with a confrontational coworker?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

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Your best bet is to keep the conversation about the work and avoid being defensive or overly personal. You will also need to set boundaries with them and be direct about how their behavior is affecting you. Try to use only "I" or "me" statements when setting boundaries for the greatest effect.
Question

I think I'm a helpful yet bossy coworker, but know that I annoy my coworkers. Any advice to fight this sincere urge to help others?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

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You should consider taking a step back and seeking the advice of your coworkers directly. You seem to be aware that your actions annoy them. It might be helpful to get their opinion on how they would prefer to work together and try to accommodate their needs.