This article was co-authored by Stefanie Barthmare, M.Ed., LPC. Stefanie Barthmare is a Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC) with a private practice in Houston, Texas. With two decades of experience, Stefanie specializes in body-based trauma treatment and counseling for relationship issues, parenting and family struggles, depression, anxiety, and grief. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in English from The University of Texas at Austin and a Master’s degree in Counseling Psychology from The University of Houston. Stefanie is also an LPC Associate supervisor and consults as a facilitator for groups in the educational, spiritual, and business communities.
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When you are bossy, you are trying to control other people and the situations that you find yourself in. Other people don't enjoy the company of bossy people and often you don't like yourself for being bossy. Avoiding being bossy takes practice and self-recognition of your capacity to be a little too know-it-all.
Steps
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1Sit down and listen. Instead of trying to impose your worldview and thoughts onto other people, take time out from that need and just listen. What are others really saying? Is it so urgent to make them see things your way?
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2Start joining slowly in to conversations. Rather than asserting yourself as the person with all the answers, simply ask questions as part of your joining in the conversation. Ask about people's feelings, thoughts, wants, concerns, etc. and avoid overlaying your feelings, etc., in return.Advertisement
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3Adopt the mantra: "People should choose for themselves." This means that you become open to presenting options and reaching compromises rather than insisting that it's "your way or the highway." Find the middle way instead and the means by which your interests and the other person's interests can meet in the middle. It might mean giving up a little of something, but, in turn, you'll gain a great deal more.
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4Be yourself. Though perhaps a cliché, it's quite true. When you're trying hard to be something you feel is expected of you rather than the person you really are, you may become more bossy to cope. Try to overlook those expectations from others and be guided by your own values, wherever possible. Once you feel secure with your values, you'll feel a lot less need to push others around. You'll stop seeing others as a challenge to your identity.
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5Accept difference. Not everyone can do things at a hare's pace and not everyone is good at the things you're good at. If we were all the same, there would be no room for excelling and there would be no place for learning about diversity. Be grateful that there are differences and instead of seeing obstacles in the way others behave, look for their strengths only and work with those. This is especially important if you've fallen into a bad habit of thinking that you have no weaknesses; that sets you up for a fall. Instead, show people you know how to recognize their strengths and work with those.
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6Know when to let others make mistakes. Even if you do know a better way to do something, when a co-worker is reluctant to listen to your suggestions, consider that maybe they'll have to suffer the consequences of their actions and choices. If you don't, you might be enabling those around you who aren't quite as competent as you're helping them appear.
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7Enjoy life! Bossy people don't have time to stop and smell the roses because everything must be "just so." Let it go now and then and just stop. Tame that perfectionism before it engulfs you!
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