How to Defend Yourself from Bullies

Co-authored by Adrian Tandez and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: September 7, 2022 References

Being bullied by someone can lower your self-esteem and affect how well you’re doing in school. While it’s usually best to talk to a parent or teacher about your bully, there are ways you can deal with bullies if you aren’t able to tell anyone immediately. Start by using your words and telling the bully that they need to stop in a calm voice. If your conversation escalates into a fight, you can either walk away or try to protect yourself. With a bit of confidence and perseverance, your bully may start leaving you alone.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Responding to the Bully

1
Ignore the bully if you’re able to. Bullies mainly say or do things to make the other person upset, so make it seem like their comments don’t bother you. Rather than engaging with your bully, try looking in a different direction or continuing with your day as normal. Pretend that the bully isn’t there and act like you can’t hear them so it seems like you don’t care what they say about you.^{[1]
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- For example, if you’re near your locker at school and a bully comes up to you, grab your things as quickly as you can and walk the other direction.
- Sometimes, bullies may try to step in your way or cut you off if you keep ignoring them. If they start getting angry, you may need to confront them.
2
Tell the bully to stop in a loud voice to appear more confident. If the bully keeps making comments and won’t leave you alone when you ignore them, turn toward them and make eye contact with them. Loudly say “Stop!” or “Please don’t!” to quiet them down. Not only will you sound more confident, but other people around you may notice and your bully may want stop due to the unwanted attention.^{[2]
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- Avoid yelling or raising your voice too loudly since your bully may notice that you’re still getting angered by them.
- If your bully is still being persistent, you can try saying something like, “I asked you to stop, so please stop.” Walk away afterward so your bully doesn’t have time to respond.
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3
Keep a straight face so the bully doesn’t see you get emotional. Bullies will usually keep picking on you if you notice that you’re getting upset or afraid of them. Do your best to hide your emotions while you’re interacting with your bully, or else they may start picking on you more. If you feel like you’re getting upset, take deep breaths while they’re talking to you so you can stay calm.^{[3]
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- Once you’re away from your bully, it’s okay to get emotional and react to what they said. Don’t try to suppress how you feel for a long time or else it could lower your self-esteem and confidence.
4
Talk to the bully without anger or fear. If you need to interact with your bully, try to talk in a firm, assertive voice to show that you don’t care about what comments they’re making. Maintain eye contact with them and stand with good posture to boost your confidence while talking to them. After a few interactions, they won’t want to bully you since you aren’t reacting to them.^{[4]
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- For example you may say, “I don’t like what you’re saying about me, and I would like you to stop.”
Tip: Use the bully’s name in conversation since it can help you feel more confident while you’re talking to them. For example, you could say, “Please don’t talk to me, John.”^{[5]
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5
Agree with the bully to take power away from them. Sometimes, agreeing with a comment a bully says takes away their power over you. When your bully says a minor comment or tries to belittle you, “own” the comment and tell them that they’re right. Mention how the comment doesn’t bother you because it’s true before asking them to stop or go away.
- For example, if your bully calls you a nerd, you can say, “That’s right, I am a nerd and I’m proud of it. Now please leave me alone.”
- You don’t actually need to agree with what the bully says, but saying that you agree can help deter them from bullying you more.
6
Joke around in response to the bully to deflect their comments. Saying something humorous in reference to the bully’s comments can make it seem like you don’t care what they have to say about you. Rather than get upset by what they’re saying, smile and laugh it off. Make a joke about what they told you and ask the bully if they think it’s funny. Chances are that the bully will stop picking on you once you realize you aren’t offended or angry.
- For example, you could say, “Didn’t you say the same thing to me last week?” or “I’m in a bit of a hurry. Can we reschedule this for some other time?”
- Don’t make jokes that insult the bully since that can make them angrier and they may get more aggressive around you.
7
Reach out to an adult after a bully confronts you. While you may not be able to reach out to an adult right away, talk to a parent or teacher soon after you’ve been bullied to let them know of the situation. Let them know who’s bullying you and what they’ve done to you so the adult is aware of what’s happening. The adult may be able to deescalate the situation before the next time a bully would confront you.^{[6]
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- Adults may not notice bullying right away, so always be sure to tell them as soon as you feel like it’s happening to you.
- Telling an adult is not tattling on your bully. The bully wants you to feel like you’re alone and can’t reach out to anyone to make them feel like they’re more powerful than you.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Protecting Yourself in a Fight

1
Try to walk away from the bully to avoid conflict. If you sense that your bully is going to get physical, try to get out of the situation as best as you can. Don’t say anything to them and walk in the opposite direction so you can get away from them. Go somewhere that has a lot of people or where they can’t follow you so they aren’t able to catch up.^{[7]
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- Avoid going to secluded places or somewhere where you’re alone since you could be more at risk of a bully fighting you there.
2
Surround yourself with friends so you don’t feel isolated. A bully will usually only pick on you if you’re alone or isolated from other people. Stay in a group of good friends when you’re walking around the halls so you’re surrounded by people who will stand up for you if the bully comes around. If the bully comes by, tell them that you’re with your friends and you don’t have time to talk to them.^{[8]
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Tip: If you don’t have a lot of friends who can be with you in the halls, ask a teacher or an adult to walk with you.
3
Stand your ground so you don’t fall down. If a bully pushes you down on the ground, it will be easier for them to beat you up or hit you more. Rather than moving away from your bully when they push or hit you, lean forward into the hits so you can maintain your balance. Try to stay upright as much as possible without fighting the bully back so you don’t get in trouble.^{[9]
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- Don’t let the bully push you against a wall or into the corner, or else you won’t be able to get away.
4
Keep your hands up near your face to block hits from the bully. If your bully tries to hit your face, keep your forearms straight up near the sides of your head and your palms facing out. When the bully throws a punch, push their arms out of the way so they aren’t able to hit your face. Always bring your hands back up to guard your head so they can’t hit you.^{[10]
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- Stay in an active stance while you’re defending against the bully so you aren’t taken off guard.
- Always keep your palms open so you don’t accidentally punch or hit the bully.
5
Fight back as a last resort only. If you aren’t able to reach out for help or you feel like you’re in physical danger, there may not be any other option except fighting back. Aim to hit the bully in a vulnerable area, like their stomach or groin, before getting away from the fight as fast you can. Never fight for longer than you need to or else you may get in trouble.^{[11]
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- Many schools have zero-tolerance policies for bullying or violence, so you may still get in trouble even if you’re just defending yourself.
- Only fight back to defend yourself. Never start the fight if you don’t need to.
EXPERT TIP

Adrian Tandez
Self Defense Trainer
Adrian Tandez is the founder and head instructor of the Tandez Academy, a world-renowned self-defense training center in Mountain View, California. Trained under the renowned martial artist Dan Inosanto, Adrian is a certified instructor in Bruce Lee's Jeet Kune Do, Filipino Martial Arts, and Silat, among other things. Adrian has over 27 years of self defense training experience.

Adrian Tandez
Self Defense Trainer

Our Expert Agrees: If a fight is inevitable, use active motions instead of defensive ones. If someone comes close to you, take action and strike with a punch or a kick. This will scare them off and keep you from having to block their attacks, which can actually lead to serious injury.

Warnings

Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy for bullying, so you may still get in trouble if you defend yourself or fight back against a bully.

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If you feel threatened or are worried about your own safety, contact the police or local authorities to let them know about your situation.

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