How to Get a Cat to Like You

Last Updated: January 3, 2022 References

By nature, cats are known to be more independent than dogs.^{[1]
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Research source} Although your cat’s independence may look like he or she is being standoffish or aloof, they can actually become very affectionate with you. Their affections will help improve and deepen your relationship with them. Depending on your cat’s personality, getting them to like you and bond with you may take a lot of time and patience. No need to worry, though—the more your cat likes you, the happier they will be, and the happier you will be with them.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Developing Positive Interactions With Your Cat

1
Learn their body language. As your cat gets more comfortable with you, they will demonstrate body language that shows they like you. Understanding this body language will help you gauge how comfortable your cat is with you. For example, they may demonstrate head bunting, in which they will lower their head and rub the top of their head against your head or other body part.^{[2]
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Research source} This is a clear sign that your cat has affection for you.
- Your cat has scent glands near their ears, so head bunting is a way for their to leave their scent on you. They may also rub their cheek against you to mark you with their scent.^{[3]
  X
  Research source} Marking you with their scent is one way of them communicating that they like you.
- To show you that they like you, your cat may establish eye contact with you and softly blink. The eye contact demonstrates that they trust you.^{[4]
  X
  Research source} Softly blinking back at them will show them that the trust is mutual.
- Imitating some of your cat’s body language back to them, such as the head bunting and soft blinking, will deepen your bond with them and show them that you have affection for them.
- Other examples of their affectionate body language include soft purring, kneading you with their front paws (“making biscuits”), sitting on your lap, and licking you.^{[5]
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2
Provide them with plenty of toys. Toys will keep your cat mentally and physically stimulated in your home. This type of environmental enrichment is a great way to get them to like you. Your cat may prefer certain toys to others, depending on their personality. For example, if they like to chase things, they may enjoy toys that dangle from a pole.
- If you have an older and/or more sedate cat, she may prefer a toy that she does not have run or chase after, such as a catnip-filled toy that she can play with when laying down.
- Be sure to rotate the toys on a regular basis so that they do not become bored with their toy selection.^{[6]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  The Humane Society of the United States
  National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
  Go to source}
- If you do not want to spend a lot of money on toys, you can also turn common household items into toys for your cat. For example, empty toilet paper or paper towel rolls and paper bags with the handles removed can be fun for your cat to play with.^{[7]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  The Humane Society of the United States
  National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
  Go to source}
- Be mindful of toys that your cat should not play with—ribbons, strings, rubber bands—due to the potential of them swallowing them. Swallowing any of these toys could lead them to getting stuck in, and wrapped around, your cat's intestines. This would lead to serious medical problems requiring extensive veterinary care. These medical problems could be even fatal.
- Also, be aware of toys that have smaller components, such as plastic eyes, that your cat could remove and potentially swallow.^{[8]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  The Humane Society of the United States
  National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
  Go to source}
- If you are unsure about which toys would work best for your cat, talk with your veterinarian or visit your local pet store for additional advice.
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3
Schedule regular playtime with your cat. Your cat is likely very independent and can probably entertain themself.^{[9]
X
Trustworthy Source
The Humane Society of the United States
National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
Go to source} However, they still need to have regular interactions with you to bond with you and like you. Cats tend to be most active at dawn and dusk, so it would be good to schedule your playtime with them at these general times of day.
- If your work schedule allows for it, schedule play sessions at dawn and dusk, with each session lasting 5 to 15 minutes. Keep in mind that older or overweight cats may not have the endurance for long play sessions.^{[10]
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- No matter what time of day you play with them, make sure that your playtime is at about the same time each day. This will give them something to look forward to, and will help you develop and maintain regular and positive bonding sessions with them.^{[12]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  The Humane Society of the United States
  National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
  Go to source}
4
Maintain a regular feeding schedule. You may not realize it, but feeding your cat is an opportunity to bond with them. In addition, it is very important that your cat see you as their food source. For these reasons, it is preferable to feed your cat at specific times of day, rather than leaving food out for them all day.^{[13]
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- Ideally, the first ingredient of their food should be a protein, such as turkey or chicken.
- Because of the wide variety of cat food available at your grocery store and local pet store, consult with your veterinarian to determine which type of food would be best for your cat. Depending on your cat’s age and current health status, some foods may be better for them than others.
- How often you feed your cat partially depends on their age. Kittens up to 6 months of age should be fed 3 times a day. Twice-daily feedings are good for cats who 6 months of age to 1 year old. Beyond 1 year of age, once-daily feedings should be sufficient.
- Certain medical conditions, such as diabetes, can also influence how often you feed your cat.
- The amount to feed your cat will depend on several factors, such as their size, activity level, and age.^{[14]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
  Leading organization dedicated to the prevention of animal cruelty
  Go to source}^{[15]
  X
  Research source} Although there is no 'one size fits all' approach to how much to feed your cat, there are some general weight-based recommendations for dry food: 5 lbs (1/4 to 1/3 cup), 10 lbs (3/8 to 1/2 cup), and 15 lbs (1/2 to 3/4 cup).^{[16]
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- Consult with your veterinarian about the amount and type of food you should feed your cat at feeding time.
5
Give your cat treats. Giving your cat the occasional treat can also be a good way to get your cat to like you. Treats should make up only a small part of your cat's diet (10 to 15% of her daily diet), since they provide little nutritional benefit. A helpful rule of thumb is to give your cat treats no more than 2 to 3 times per week.^{[17]
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- Cat treats are available at your local pet store and grocery store.
- In general, do not treat your cat with human food. In fact, some human foods (e.g., grapes, onions, raisins) are toxic to your cat and should be avoided.^{[18]
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- Catnip is an excellent treat for cats.^{[19]
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- Treats are useful when rewarding them for good behavior.
6
Pet your cat. Petting is another great way to bond with your cat and get them to like you. Cats love to be petted near the areas of their scent glands: base of the chin, base of the ears, the cheeks behind the whiskers, and the base of the tail. Your cat actually derives enjoyment when they rub these areas against you or your furniture to mark their territory. Similarly, they will love when you pet them in these areas.^{[20]
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- Keep in mind that your cat may not want to be petted all the time, or for long periods of time, even when looking relaxed and content.^{[21]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Brian Bourquin, DVM
  Veterinarian
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} If their body language tells you that they are overstimulated by petting (dilated pupils, fur twitches, tail wagging like a dog),^{[22]
  X
  Research source} or they try to move away from you, give them some space to be alone. Let them dictate how much they're comfortable with you petting them.
- When you pet them, gently stroke your hand in the areas where they like to be petted. You can even talk to them in a calm and soothing voice to make the experience more enjoyable for the both of you.
- In addition to petting your cat, consider brushing and grooming her,^{[23]
  X
  Research source} if they will let you. Brushing and grooming are ways for you to learn the areas in which your cat likes, and does not like, to be touched.
7
Have quiet interactions with your cat. This is especially useful if you have a timid or anxious cat. Keeping your interactions quiet and calm will help them warm up to you and become more comfortable with you. Examples of quiet interactions include sitting quietly on the floor or reading a book on the couch when they're in the room with you.^{[24]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Avoiding What Your Cat Does Not Like

1
Refrain from petting your cat on their belly. Knowing what your cat does not like will help you avoid doing the things that could jeopardize your bond with them. Unlike dogs, cats generally do not like belly rubs.^{[25]
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Expert Source

Brian Bourquin, DVM
Veterinarian
Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.} In fact, if you try to rub their belly, they may instinctively react defensively by extending their claws and trying to bite you.^{[26]
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Research source}
- In the wild, cats are aware that they can be predator and prey at the same time. The belly houses the most vital organs,^{[27]
  X
  Research source} so if you reach for their belly when they're unaware of your harmless intentions, their prey mentality might be triggered and they may do all they can to protect that area of their body.
- When your cat is stretched out and showing their belly, they may feeling very relaxed and comfortable in their environment.^{[28]
  X
  Research source} However, they might be demonstrating defensive behavior.^{[29]
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  Research source} To be on the safe side, do not mistake the showing of their belly as your cat's invitation to rub their belly.^{[30]
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- Even though some cats may not mind their bellies being rubbed, it is best to avoid this area and pet your cat only in the areas where you know they enjoy being touched.^{[31]
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2
Do not force interactions with your cat. As mentioned before, follow your cat’s lead when it comes to how much they want to interact with you. Forcing them to play with you, or trying to pet them when they do not want be petted, will probably make your cat like you less. They may even become fearful of you because they do not trust that you will respect their space.
- Just as your cat can show you affectionate body language (e.g., purring, head bunting), they can also let you know when they've had enough and want to be alone. For example, if they start growling, hissing, or spitting, give them some space and alone time until they calm down.^{[32]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  The Humane Society of the United States
  National organization devoted to the promotion of animal welfare
  Go to source}
- Your cat may also simply become physically tired from playing and will probably stop on their own.
- Avoiding forced interactions is especially important if your cat is timid.^{[33]
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3
Do not yell at or physically punish your cat. Physically punishing your cat is not effective, since they will not be able to make a direct association between their behavior and your punishment. Instead, consider giving them a timeout, during which you simply leave the room without talking to them or interacting with them.^{[34]
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Research source} Soon enough, they will realize that certain behaviors result in you not interacting with them (a negative result in their mind) and will discontinue those behaviors.^{[35]
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Research source}
- Physically punishing your cat will likely make them fearful and wary of you.^{[36]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Brian Bourquin, DVM
  Veterinarian
  Expert Interview. 20 December 2019.}
- Rather than yelling at them, you can try giving them a firm ‘no’ in a stern voice when they demonstrate bad behavior.^{[37]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do you bond with a cat?

Brian Bourquin, DVM
Veterinarian
Brian Bourquin, better known as “Dr. B” to his clients, is a Veterinarian and the Owner of Boston Veterinary Clinic, a pet health care and veterinary clinic with three locations, South End/Bay Village, the Seaport, and Brookline, Massachusetts. Boston Veterinary Clinic specializes in primary veterinary care, including wellness and preventative care, sick and emergency care, soft-tissue surgery, dentistry. The clinic also provides specialty services in behavior, nutrition, and alternative pain management therapies using acupuncture, and therapeutic laser treatments. Boston Veterinary Clinic is an AAHA (American Animal Hospital Association) accredited hospital and Boston’s first Fear Free Certified Clinic. Brian has over 19 years of veterinary experience and earned his Doctor of Veterinary Medicine from Cornell University.

Brian Bourquin, DVM

Veterinarian

Expert Answer

Cats have short attention spans, so it's usually best to play with them in short sessions. In fact, you don't always need to cuddle or play with your cat to spend time with it. Sometimes your cat may just enjoy being in your presence.
Question

How do you get a cat to trust you?

Brian Bourquin, DVM
Veterinarian
Brian Bourquin, better known as “Dr. B” to his clients, is a Veterinarian and the Owner of Boston Veterinary Clinic, a pet health care and veterinary clinic with three locations, South End/Bay Village, the Seaport, and Brookline, Massachusetts. Boston Veterinary Clinic specializes in primary veterinary care, including wellness and preventative care, sick and emergency care, soft-tissue surgery, dentistry. The clinic also provides specialty services in behavior, nutrition, and alternative pain management therapies using acupuncture, and therapeutic laser treatments. Boston Veterinary Clinic is an AAHA (American Animal Hospital Association) accredited hospital and Boston’s first Fear Free Certified Clinic. Brian has over 19 years of veterinary experience and earned his Doctor of Veterinary Medicine from Cornell University.

Brian Bourquin, DVM

Veterinarian

Expert Answer

Use positive reinforcement, like treats and petting, when your cat does something you want it to. Avoid punishing your cat when it misbehaves, since that could actually backfire and make your cat trust you less. Also, read your cat's signals when you're trying to play or give it attention. If your cat is whisking its tail back and forth or flattening its ears, that's a sign that it's not pleased. Take a step back and don't force things.
Question

How do you know if your cat loves you?

Pippa Elliott, MRCVS
Veterinarian
Dr. Elliott, BVMS, MRCVS is a veterinarian with over 30 years of experience in veterinary surgery and companion animal practice. She graduated from the University of Glasgow in 1987 with a degree in veterinary medicine and surgery. She has worked at the same animal clinic in her hometown for over 20 years.

Pippa Elliott, MRCVS

Veterinarian

Expert Answer

Cats don't do anything they don't want to. So if the cat strolls over and asks for a chin rub, this is a good sign they value your friendship and love you. Of course, anxious cats that are too shy to come out of hiding can still love you, it's just they're too frightened to show it.

Warnings

Strings, ribbons, and rubber bands can cause serious and potentially fatal medical problems for your cat if they swallow them. Keep these items out of reach of your cat.

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