How to Get the Most Out of Therapy

Co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD

Last Updated: January 29, 2023 References

So, you’ve taken the leap and begun your therapy journey. Now, you’re wondering how to get the most out of your sessions. Although it can be difficult to open up, you’re ready to be brave, and curious as to how to blossom into the healthiest version of yourself. Continue reading to learn about how to make the most out of therapy, including steps to take before you even enter your therapy session as well as what to do after/outside your sessions.

1

Reflect on what you want to get out of therapy.

Knowing your goals for therapy ahead of time will make it more productive. Consider making a list of goals you want to accomplish in therapy. Although being in crisis or having a mental health condition are very valid reasons to go to therapy, remember that they aren’t necessary to meet with a therapist. Therapy can also be used to help you learn better coping mechanisms, talk about relationship issues, or begin a journey of personal growth.^{[1]
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- A couple of examples of goals could be “Be less reactive in arguments with my partner” or "To learn basic principles of conflict resolution strategies."
- If you can’t think of any goals, try writing down what prompted you to look into therapy. Bring this to your session, and you and your therapist can work together to brainstorm some goals.
- As humans we're not always adequately taught what it means to navigate the inner workings of our mind and our emotions. It's completely natural to try and build self awareness and empowerment in your life through therapy, then.

2

Find the right therapist.

Finding a therapist aligned with you and your goals makes a big difference. Feel free to call a couple therapists to schedule a consultation to test the waters before committing. Remember that therapy is still a paid service, and you don’t have to stick with a therapist if you feel they’re not properly supporting you. If the topics you want to discuss are rooted in your gender or ethnic identity, look into a therapist that belongs to that group or has familiarity with the issues. ^{[2]
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3

Allow a transition period.

Avoid any frustration by expecting a lot of information gathering. To get a better grasp of who you are during your first few sessions, your therapist might ask questions about your family, past and present romantic relationships, mental health conditions, or goals. You might leave these sessions feeling like you only scratched the surface despite revealing lots. Don’t worry! This is normal, and after the transition period, there will be opportunities to dive deeply into these topics.^{[3]
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4

Be open and honest.

Allow your therapist to support you by being your most authentic self. Bring all your emotions to therapy no matter how angry, sad, or shameful you think they are. Therapists are trained professionals who are there to help you through all of your feelings and experiences. ^{[4]
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- Don’t feel pressured to talk about things you aren’t ready to talk about. You can share on your own terms. If you find opening up hard, ease into it by talking about why you find it hard. What are you afraid of? Why don’t you want to talk about certain topics?

5

Make a plan with your therapist before your session.

Setting a plan allows your therapist to lead the session. Send your therapist a list of topics you’d like to discuss during the session. If opening up during therapy intimidates you, this takes some of the pressure off of you, and allows your therapist to ask you questions and suggest topics of discussion.^{[5]
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Mind
U.K.-based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems.
Go to source} This also prevents you from dropping what therapists call the “last minute bomb”. This is when clients drop big, heavy topics within the last 5-10 minutes of the session to avoid in-depth discussions about difficult topics.^{[6]
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- Examples of last minute bombs are: “By the way, I broke up with John.” or “Just wanted you to know, I was fired from my job yesterday.”

6

Be curious about yourself.

Noticing patterns in your behavior will help you address them. A big part of therapy is helping you understand your thoughts and motivations. When sharing your emotions or hard events in therapy, ask yourself questions like “Why did I react like that?”, “Where did I learn that from?”, or “What did this trigger in me?”^{[7]
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- Once you have answers to these questions, remember to have compassion for yourself. Therapy is a judgment and shame free zone!^{[8]
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7

Keep the focus on your feelings.

Intentionally tying conversations back to yourself will be most helpful. Your therapist is there to be an empathetic ear. While talking about other people’s wrongdoings can feel good, remember you can only control and change your own thoughts and actions. Root any rants in questions like “How could I have reacted differently?” or “What’s another way I can think about this situation?”. You can’t change how others act, but you can change how you react.^{[9]
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8

Take notes during therapy.

Avoid forgetting crucial points by jotting them down. Don’t hesitate to write down things your therapist says that resonate with you. Therapy sessions are usually jam packed with lots of information, advice, and emotions. Take notes to look at in between sessions. It’s a good idea to tell your therapist when you’re writing down a note so they don’t move on without you!^{[10]
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9

Make yourself comfortable.

Being physically comfortable will help you relax and open up. Turn the session room into your personal safe space. Don’t be afraid to ask your therapist to adjust the room’s temperature or light, or sit in a different position than usual. You can even try laying down if that’ll help you relax!^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
Mind
U.K.-based mental health charity focused on providing advice and resources to anyone facing mental health problems.
Go to source}
- If you’re attending therapy virtually, feel free to turn your camera off, or make yourself comfortable with a blanket, a comfy chair, or your favorite set of pajamas.

10

Don’t worry about the time.

Dwelling on the time can be a huge distraction. Keep your eyes off the clock, and allow yourself to be present during your session. Your therapist will keep track of the time!^{[12]
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11

Give yourself time to process the session.

Avoid overwhelming yourself by easing back into daily life. Therapy sessions can be emotionally taxing. Plan a relaxing activity after therapy, and let your mind rest and process the events before you jump back into your routine. This signals to your brain that something significant has happened and will improve your memory of the session.^{[13]
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- Get something to eat and munch by yourself in your car.
- Go on a walk and listen to some music.
- Practice some deep breathing exercises to calm your nervous system.

12

Practice in between sessions.

Use the tools you learn in therapy in real life to solidify good habits. Lots of good work is done during sessions, but the most important work is done outside of them. To solidify change, you have to continue to work at it independently when your therapist isn’t there to guide you. Your therapist might give you some homework to help you apply what you’re learning, but if they don’t you can also request they write some defined tasks for you to challenge yourself with.^{[14]
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