How to Have a Normal Life

Co-authored by William Gardner, PsyD

Last Updated: March 20, 2023 References Approved

Having a normal life may sound like a simple goal, but it's actually a complex concept. What's normal for one person may not be normal for another, especially in a different culture or society. At the same time, the idea of normalcy is constantly changing. To have a normal life, you'll need to decide what is normal for you. While some individuals enjoy their uniqueness and individuality, other people need routines and structure.^{[1]
X
Research source} Discover what you consider to be normal and create daily routines that work for you.

1

Establish daily routines.

Routines can help establish normalcy and self-discipline. Start slowly, by building on the daily routines you may already have. This can make you feel more competent and able to tackle obstacles that may come up. For example, you might try getting in the habit of waking at a consistent time or making your own breakfast every morning. These may seem minor, but they create a sense of personal rhythm or normalcy in your life.^{[2]
X
Research source
Sparrow, T., & Malabou, C. (2015). Plastic Bodies: Rebuilding Sensation After Phenomenology. Ann Arbor: Open Humanities Press.}
- Avoid too much structure too fast, which could prevent you from growing by keeping you tied to repetitive behavior patterns.^{[3]
  X
  Research source}
- Finding daily routines or patterns of behavior that work for you can reduce stress and give you the confidence to experiment with expressing yourself.

2

Learn new things.

Education connects you with people, ideas, and resources. There are a lot of different types of degrees available at schools or universities. Look into them to see if any seem to fit with the sense of normalcy you’re trying to cultivate for yourself. If they aren’t, buck the norm a little bit by looking into vocational schools or apprenticeships in your area of interest. Don’t confine your own sense of normalcy to that of everyone else.
- While people are graduating from high school and attending college at rates higher than ever^{[4]
  X
  Trustworthy Source
  US Department of Education
  Federal government agency in charge of U.S. education law and policy
  Go to source}, it’s becoming more common for individuals to graduate college without being sufficiently prepared to work in the field they majored in.^{[5]
  X
  Research source}

3

Get a job that drives your passions.

Avoid choosing a job based on popularity.^{[6]
X
Research source} Instead, ask yourself what kind of people or environment you'd like to be around every day. If the work seems out of character for you and you don't think you'd be happy, consider finding another job that would allow you to be yourself.
- People who are generally happy at work are often those who get pleasure out of the day-to-day interactions they have with their co-workers.^{[7]
  X
  Research source}

4

Build meaningful relationships.

Find someone to connect with by meeting new people. While getting married might be normal for some, it's not for everyone. Instead, work to develop meaningful relationships with people from a variety of social groups.
- Regardless of the type of group you interact with, you need support from people around you. This is essential for you to feel a sense of normalcy in your everyday life.^{[8]
  X
  Research source
  Lin, N., Dean, A., & Ensel, W. M. (2013). Social Support, Life Events, and Depression. Academic Press.}

5

Get a pet.

Caring for a pet that needs your attention can create a sense of normalcy. Taking care of a pet can help you establish a daily routine and give you more pleasure in your day-to-day activities. Studies have also shown that pet-owners tend to be healthier and happier people in general.^{[9]
X
Research source} And, if you aren't ready for a long-term relationship or having kids, starting of with a pet can help transition towards building more meaningful relationships with other people.
- Keep in mind that choosing the right pet for your living space and daily schedule is important. If you don’t have enough time or space, caring for a pet could end up increasing stress and producing heartache in the long run.

6

Travel.

Exposing yourself to a variety of cultures can make you feel more normal. Travel can show you just how big and diverse the world is. The more you travel, the more you'll see just how much people across the world have in common. You'll also realize that differences are a part of every culture.
- Avoid using travel as an escape. Instead, travel to learn more about yourself, others, and what you enjoy.^{[10]
  X
  Research source}

7

Accept yourself for who you are.

Take some time to understand yourself. Since it takes a lot of work to change who you are, you should first understand who you are.^{[11]
X
Research source} Societies all over are made up of individuals with different personality types and traits. You'll need to decide what is normal for you. Does it mean breaking the mold or conforming to rules within a strict society? To determine your version of normalcy, ask yourself:
- Do you feel most comfortable following orders and maintaining rigid social structures?
- Do you enjoy the independence of figuring things out for yourself?
- Are you most happy when everyone around you seems to approve of your actions?
- Would you rather experiment with new styles of living along with people outside of the mainstream?

8

Consider what's "normal" in society.

Even though you're an individual, you still live in a world with set values. Whether you live in a neighborhood, community, or region, each of these has a unique set of norms that define what is normal. Think about how social practices and institutions in your society support an idea of normalcy. This will help you express your own identity through your interactions with others.^{[12]
X
Research source
Richardson, C., & Skott-Myhre, H. A. (Eds.). (2012). Habitus of the Hood. Bristol: Intellect Ltd.}
- For example, you might live somewhere where it's socially acceptable to speak quickly and somewhat abrasively. But, in another region, that kind of behavior might label you as a social outcast. Being aware of this will help you shape your public image.

9

Find spiritual and emotional balance.

Be prepared for emotional ups and downs. Learn how to take care of yourself during rough times. For example, if you get into a heated discussion with someone about your personal beliefs, you should know what makes a normal, appropriate response. Recognize that reacting aggressively indicates a deeper issue that you need to work through.
- You'll have a better sense of wellness if you live your life according to your own beliefs and feelings, rather than letting someone else dictate what should be appropriate or normal for you.

10

Deal with traumatic events that are holding you back.

If you've had a traumatic experience, it's normal to feel different. Trauma can leave permanent effects on bodily chemistry, which can permanently affect how you see yourself and your environment.^{[13]
X
Research source
Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma (1 edition). New York: Viking.} While you may not see yourself as normal, connecting with others who have experienced trauma can help you realize that you can move on from the event to lead a normal, functional life. Try to find a trauma support group.^{[14]
X
Research source} Such experiences can actually become a source of courage and strength for you if you can incorporate their effects into your life as opposed to trying to avoid them altogether.
- Once you've created a comfortable routine or rhythm, you can begin to experiment with what's a normal emotion. This will help you express your deepest and most raw emotions.^{[15]
  X
  Research source
  Malabou, C. (2012). The New Wounded: From Neurosis to Brain Damage. (S. Miller, Trans.) (1 edition). New York: Fordham University Press.}

Expert Q&A

Question

What should I do if I don't feel normal?

William Gardner, PsyD
Clinical Psychologist
William Gardner, Psy.D. is a Clinical Psychologist in private practice located in San Francisco, CA’s financial district. With over 10 years of clinical experience, Dr. Gardner provides individually tailored psychotherapy for adults using cognitive behavioral techniques, to reduce symptoms and improve overall functioning. Dr. Gardner earned his PsyD from Stanford University in 2009, specializing in evidence-based practices. He then completed a post-doc fellowship at Kaiser Permanente.

William Gardner, PsyD

Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Start by defining the term "normal." Then, try to challenge some of the assumptions that you associate with being normal.