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This article was co-authored by Liana Georgoulis, PsyD. Dr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.
There are 8 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page.
This article has been viewed 32,303 times.
Depression and anxiety can greatly impact people’s lives and leave them feeling isolated and unable to cope with daily life. It’s difficult to see someone you care about struggling with mental health problems and not know how to help. Some of the best help you can offer is by being present in this person’s life and showing that you care.
Steps
Part 1
Part 1 of 3:
Responding to Symptoms
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1Learn about depression and anxiety. Educate yourself about both depression and anxiety.[1] As the saying goes, “knowledge is power,” and this is true in helping someone with mental illness. The more you understand anxiety and depression, the better you can respond to someone’s needs. Do some research about anxiety and depression online and/or talk to a psychologist, psychiatrist, therapist, or medical doctor.
- You may want to look into how depression and anxiety often go together and what that looks like.
- For more information about anxiety check out How to Recognize Social Anxiety Disorder, How to Overcome Anxiety. How to Diagnose Depression may help you identify signs of depression as well.
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2Identify warning signs. While depression and anxiety have specific markers for diagnosis, you may pick up on a person’s warning signs before they fully develop depression or anxiety. With depression, someone may start off by dropping out of activities or being increasingly negative in speech or opinions, or stop taking care of themselves (poor hygiene, etc.).[2] Likewise, early signs of anxiety may include being overly preoccupied with certain events or situations and the fear that surrounds them. Once you notice early warning signs, you can help your loved one identify and address symptoms.
- Notice any patterns of stress or withdrawal that the individual shows as an early sign. You can also learn to anticipate symptoms. For example, if someone is about to move and start a new job, you may anticipate stress and unease and help your loved one to cope with stress before depression or anxiety symptoms pop up.
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3Watch for warning signs of suicide. Some people with mental health problems, especially depression, may be at a higher risk for suicide. People that are at-risk may talk about suicide, death, or dying, self-harm, express hopelessness or self-hate, seek out means (such as pills, weapons, or other ways to end life), or experience a sudden sense of calm after a deep depression.[3] If someone you know exhibits any warning signs, talk about your concerns right away.
- Contact the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline at 988 via phone or text.
- You can call emergency services if the person is making threats of violence against themselves or others, has made a suicide plan, or you have other reason to believe they may be ready to attempt suicide. In dire circumstances, you can take the person to the emergency department at your local hospital or check them into a behavioral health unit/facility for crisis care.
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Part 2
Part 2 of 3:
Offering Help
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1Express your concern and support.[4] Let your loved one know that you are concerned about their health and that you are there to provide care and support. It can be comforting for someone to know that others are concerned and willing to help. Some people try to hide their struggles, so a sense of relief can come once you state your concern and care.
- You can say, “I’ve noticed you’ve been struggling more than usual, and I want you to know that I care about you.”
- Remind this person that it’s okay to talk about mental health and daily struggles. No one should suffer alone.
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2Ask what you can do to help. Let your friend or family member know that you are willing to help. You can ask, “What can I do to help?” or you can offer specific help, such as offering to study together or call a therapist for an appointment.[5] You can give emotional and verbal support, as well as offer to cook meals, help with transportation, and do activities together.
- Ask if the person is receiving treatment. If not, offer to help find a therapist or to go to a mental health center on your university campus.
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3Encourage treatment. Sometimes, people with depression do not recognize that they are depressed. Depression can also leave a person feeling ashamed or embarrassed. Let this person know that you see their pain and that you want them to feel better.[6] While you may want to do everything in your power to help, remind the individual that trained professionals can help with both anxiety and depression and that it’s okay to reach out for help.
- You can express your desire to help by setting up appointments with a medical doctor or psychologist, going with your loved one to appointments, or checking in after appointments.
- If someone resists treatment, figure out why they don’t want therapy. Sometimes people are embarrassed or ashamed of wanting or needing help. Even if your loved one continues to resist, assure them that you care and if things change, you are willing to help find treatment.[7]
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4Help set goals. Goals can be helpful in giving your loved one direction and something to work toward. Sit down with the person and come up with some goals together. These may include professional, family, social, work, and hobby goals. Make sure goals are realistic, attainable, and can be met one step at a time.[8]
- If this individual struggles with isolation, make a social goal of getting together with family and/or friends once a week. This can include activities such as movie nights, bowling, or going to dinner.
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5Encourage a healthy lifestyle. Part of managing depression and anxiety comes through healthy habits. Encourage your loved one to sleep fully each night, exercise regularly, and eat a balanced diet.[9] These lifestyle habits can aid in overall well-being and can buffer the risks of increasing symptoms of depression and anxiety.
- Lead by example by modeling a healthy lifestyle of your own.[10]
- Discourage substance use. Using alcohol or drugs is not the way to cope with stress. Additionally, substances can worsen symptoms of depression and anxiety.
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Part 3
Part 3 of 3:
Interacting with the Person Compassionately
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1Say when you notice changes.[11] If you’ve noticed a change in behavior that relates to depression or anxiety, let your loved one know. It can be helpful to have outside influences recognize when behaviors change. Additionally, it can help to build self-awareness around symptoms and behaviors. You may choose to do this through questioning, which can feel less accusing.
- Be gentle in your approach. Instead of saying, “It seems like you’re anxious and depressed today” say, “You seem to be more on edge than usual. Is there something upsetting you or causing you stress?”
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2Treat the person with respect and dignity. While it may be difficult for you to be around this individual, remember to treat the person with gentleness and compassion. Avoid saying things like, “Get over it,” or, “I wish you would snap out of it.” Don’t try to solve the person’s problems. Instead, focus more on the emotional experience and being a supportive friend. Talk to your loved one in a normal voice and don’t talk down to them.[12] Be supportive and respectful, even when your patience wears thin or you don’t feel like interacting.
- It’s not helpful to say, “Just smile.” Instead say, “I notice you’re really down today. I’m sorry you feel bad.”
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3Listen. Encourage your loved one to talk about depression and offer a listening ear. When listening to someone, withhold any judgments or advice you may have and instead, focus on encouraging the person to talk about thoughts and feelings. Be available to listen and remember that one discussion won’t make the anxiety and depression go away.[13]
- Resist your urge to problem solve and “fix” the person. Be compassionate in listening and responding to the person.
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4Be patient. You may want your loved one to get better ASAP and get on with living a full life. While some pushing may be wanted and necessary, it’s important to recognize when pushing is hurting the other person or harming your relationship. Try to find a balance between gently encouraging the person to push the boundaries and quietly allowing them to make their own decisions.[14]
- You may find a balance between pushing and being patient through trial and error. Focus on how your loved one responds to both circumstances and when one is more appropriate over the other.
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Expert Q&A
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QuestionHow do you comfort someone with anxiety?
Liana Georgoulis, PsyDDr. Liana Georgoulis is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 10 years of experience, and is now the Clinical Director at Coast Psychological Services in Los Angeles, California. She received her Doctor of Psychology from Pepperdine University in 2009. Her practice provides cognitive behavioral therapy and other evidence-based therapies for adolescents, adults, and couples.
Licensed PsychologistIf someone seems really anxious and needs support, the best thing to do is to acknowledge their experience first. Start by saying something along the lines of, "you seem like you’re nervous right now," or "you seem like you’re a little bit overwhelmed or stressed out." Always talk to the person in a way that doesn’t sound critical or judgmental, and be willing to help the person pause and figure out what’s going on. -
QuestionHow can I help a friend who has anxiety?
Rebecca Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC, MARebecca A. Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC is the Founder of the Iris Institute, a San Francisco, California-based business focusing on using somatic expertise to teach individuals and groups the skills to deal with dilemmas using interventions, including her own Original Blueprint® method. Ms. Ward specializes in treating stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), a Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP), and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Rebecca holds an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marymount University and an MA in Organizational Leadership from The George Washington University.
Licensed TherapistIf your friend is suffering from anxiety, don't over-fixate on the problem. Talk to them about calming, relaxing things. When somebody's anxious, it's not the time to be having complicated conversations or conversations that would be triggering for them. Invite them to do things with you that involve moving around and getting active, since moving will help curb the symptoms of anxiety, and encourage them to get help if you notice their symptoms getting worse. -
QuestionWhat can you do to help someone with anxiety?Rebecca Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC, MARebecca A. Ward, LMFT, SEP, PCC is the Founder of the Iris Institute, a San Francisco, California-based business focusing on using somatic expertise to teach individuals and groups the skills to deal with dilemmas using interventions, including her own Original Blueprint® method. Ms. Ward specializes in treating stress, anxiety, depression, and trauma. She is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT), a Somatic Experiencing® Practitioner (SEP), and a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) accredited by the International Coach Federation (ICF). Rebecca holds an MA in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marymount University and an MA in Organizational Leadership from The George Washington University.
Licensed TherapistDon't exacerbate it by bringing up things that are anxiety-provoking for them. Instead, talk about things that are calming and settling. It's also really helpful to exercise together, or at least do something that will get their body moving.
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References
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
- ↑ https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/warning-signs-of-suicide
- ↑ https://www.mentalhealth.gov/talk/friends-family-members/
- ↑ http://www.campusmindworks.org/students/helping/how_do_i_support.asp
- ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/depression/in-depth/depression/art-20045943
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
- ↑ https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm
- ↑ https://www.beyondblue.org.au/supporting-someone/supporting-someone-with-depression-or-anxiety
- ↑ https://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-someone-with-depression.htm
- ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/articles/depression/helping-a-depressed-person.htm
- ↑ http://www.adaa.org/finding-help/helping-others/spouse-or-partner
About This Article
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Medical Disclaimer
The content of this article is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, examination, diagnosis, or treatment. You should always contact your doctor or other qualified healthcare professional before starting, changing, or stopping any kind of health treatment.
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