How to Know if You Are Ready to Start a Family

Co-authored by Steven Hesky, PhD and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: May 1, 2022 References

Have you started fantasizing about what life with your partner would be like if you had a little one running around at home? If you want to plan for a family, it can be an overwhelming decision knowing when you're ready to start. Everyone plans their family at a different point in life, but there are sure signs that tell you that it's your time. Keep reading so you know what to watch for in your relationship and personal life to know if you're ready!

1

You and your partner agree about having kids.

Being on the same page about your future is essential. Even if you’re ready to start a family, your partner may have a different outlook on their life. Sit down with your partner and ask them when they picture a family in their future. Let them know how you’re feeling about the subject too just in case you’re feeling differently than them. If you both agree that you’re ready, then that’s a good sign.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}
- Starting a new family is a really big step, so respect your partner’s choice if they’re not ready yet. They may warm up to the idea the more they think about it.

2

You feel secure in your relationship.

Be prepared to support each other when you’re starting a family together. While you can raise a family as a single parent, it’ll be a lot easier knowing that you can rely on your partner to handle some of the responsibilities too. If your partner makes you feel safe and loved, and if they’re someone you picture yourself with for the long run, then it’s a good sign that you’re ready to start your family.^{[2]
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3

You feel excited to raise a family.

It's important that you're looking forward to when you start your family. You shouldn’t want a family because you think it will make you happy—you should have a family because you’re excited to share that happiness with your children. There’s going to be some ups and downs of raising a family, but the important part is that you still look forward to the time you get to spend together.^{[3]
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4

You’re emotionally mature and stable.

Being emotionally mature will help manage the stresses of raising a family. Kids need to have a positive environment when they’re growing up to help them develop emotionally. Work on building up your confidence and independence to make sure you can take care of yourself first. Once you feel like you’re in a good place mentally, it’ll be a better time to start your family.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- If you’re feeling anxious or depressed, tell your partner about your feelings and see if there’s anything they can do to help.

5

You’re physically healthy.

Starting a new family can be taxing on your body. Being pregnant, supporting a pregnant partner, and caring for a new baby can take a toll. As time goes on, you’ll want to have the energy to keep up with your kids and play with them. Get a check-up from your doctor and ask if they think you’re ready to start a family. They may give some medical advice to help you prepare.^{[5]
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- If you plan on getting pregnant, your body will go through a lot of changes before you give birth too.

6

You’re willing to sacrifice personal time.

Raising children will leave less time for other activities you want to do. You won’t always have the time for traveling, going out, or doing your hobbies as you’re raising children. But spending time with your family and growing together can be just as rewarding! You can still do the things you love, you just may have to squeeze some extra time in your schedule for them.^{[6]
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American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}

7

You have a steady career.

Adding a new family member has a lot of additional costs to consider. When you factor in food, clothes, and all the other necessities, it can cost around $13,000 USD every year to raise a child until they’re an adult.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
US Department of Agriculture
U.S. agency responsible for promoting good agricultural practices and protecting consumers
Go to source} Make sure you and your partner have jobs where you can make enough to provide for yourselves and any new additions to your family.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}
- Don’t forget to factor in the costs of hospital bills for check-ups and childbirth if you plan on getting pregnant as well as childcare if you’re not taking time off work.
- If you plan on being a stay-at-home parent, talk with your partner to make sure you can get by on a single income.

8

You’ve got a financial safety net.

An emergency fund is crucial for covering surprise expenses. It could be a big hit to your wallet if you have a medical emergency, go through a change in career, or take time off for maternity or paternity leave. Try to tuck any extra money you have aside. Review your finances and set up a savings account if you don’t already have one.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 2 September 2021.}
- Look for ways to cut costs from your life right now, such as shopping second-hand instead of buying new items or packing meals instead of eating out.

9

You’re prepared to handle the unexpected.

You won’t be able to fully plan for what happens in your family. Even if you normally feel like you’ve got a handle on your life, you’ll have to give up a little control when you’re starting a family. While you might expect life to take you in one direction, embrace feeling comfortable if things don’t go according to plan. If you can reasonably manage without everything going exactly right, you may be ready. Some things to possibly be prepared for include:^{[10]
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- Having twins or triplets
- Having a disabled child

10

You know what kind of values you want your family to have.

Before you have kids, think about how you plan to parent them. It’s important to make sure you’re on the same page with your partner about this. Talk with them about how you want to talk to your children, what values you want them to learn, and how you want to manage conflicts. If you feel like you have a solid plan for starting a family, then you could be ready.^{[11]
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- You can always take parenting classes to help you learn some of the basics of raising children, like how to discipline and handle confrontations.
- Ask to babysit children for a friend or family member so you can get an idea of what it would be like taking care of a child of your own.

11

You have support from your friends and family.

A trusted network of people can help guide and be there for you. While your partner’s support is really important, think about all the people outside of your relationship that you can lean on too. Ask the people you’re close with if they think it’s a good idea to start a family and listen to their advice. If they think it’s a great next step for you, then they’ll be honest and tell you.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Think ahead to when you actually have children too to see if you have people that could babysit or help you out at home when you’re busy.

Expert Q&A

Question

What is the ideal age to start a family?

Steven Hesky, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Steven Hesky is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist with over 37 years of experience. He specializes in long-term psychotherapy with adults and adolescents. His training includes Freudian, Jungian, and Existential approaches to psychotherapy, hypnosis, family therapy, marriage counseling, and biofeedback. Dr. Hesky holds a BA in Philosophy from Lake Forest College and an MA and PhD in Existential Clinical Psychology from Duquesne University.

Steven Hesky, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Being on the same page with your partner is more important than being the right age. A lot of times, people tend to think that they're never ready for kids until they actually have them.