How to Know if You Should Ask a Girl Out

Co-authored by John Keegan

Last Updated: May 31, 2021 References

Sometimes it can be hard to tell if you like a girl – and even harder to tell if she likes you back. Start by reflecting on your feelings to see whether you’re really interested and ready to take things to the next level. Once you understand your own feelings, look for some telltale signs that she’s falling for you, too. If you’re crushing on a girl and it seems like she returns your feelings, take the leap and ask her out!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Determining If She’s Interested

1
Establish eye contact to see how intense her gaze is. Even without words, you can tell how someone feels about you by observing the intensity of their gaze. Lock eyes and pay attention to how she looks back at you.^{[1]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} If she gives off a direct and passionate gaze, she’s probably pretty interested in you. Not all girls are as bold, though, so if you catch her eye and she demurely looks away, this might also be a sign that she has feelings for you.^{[2]
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- If she’s completely present when you’re together, take it as a good sign. But if she’s distracted by her phone, watch, or other people around the room, she may not be romantically interested.^{[3]
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2
Take note of whether she flirtatiously breaks the “touch barrier” with you. If she makes an effort to get close enough to you to make some kind of innocent physical contact, she’s most likely trying to tell you that she’s interested in you as more than just a friend. Think about whether she’s ever brushed up against your arm, or lightly touched your knee, chest, or shoulder.^{[4]
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- The rest of her body language can give you clues to her level of interest, too. If she leans into you while you’re talking, or if she mirrors your body language, it’s a sign that she’s probably into you.^{[5]
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- Consider how her body language and gestures differ when she’s around you versus when she’s around other people. If she tends to be physically expressive around everyone, look for some other signs of her interest, like whether she teases you playfully or pays you extra attention.^{[6]
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3
See if she texts or calls you often. If she frequently comments on your social media posts, responds right away to your messages, or sends you the first text, you’re obviously at the front of her mind.^{[7]
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Research source} Look for detailed replies and new messages at least every other day or so.^{[8]
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Expert Source

John Keegan
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- If you’re also excited to respond right away with a similarly detailed response and you’ve been having long, in-depth conversations over text or social media, it’s a good sign that she’d want to spend more time with you in the real world.
- If she remembers the little details you’ve told her and brings them up in later conversations, it’s a good sign that she likes you.^{[9]
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- A girl who shoots off cagey 1-word replies or fails to respond to your messages in a timely manner might not be very interested.^{[10]
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4
Listen up when she mentions future things you could do together. If you’ve discovered that you share similar interests, pay attention to whether she speaks about the 2 of you exploring those interests together at some point. If she says something about a future date idea, like, “you and I should go see that movie when it comes out next summer,” take it as a good sign. This indicates that she wants to spend time with you and wants you to stick around for a while. Or test the waters by talking about hypothetical dates to gauge her level of interest.^{[11]
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- If she’s bummed out about her busy weekend, say something like, “That’s too bad. If you were free you could come to the game with me instead.” While this date idea is impossible, her response can reveal a lot about how interested she would be in going out with you another time.
- Notice whether she talks about you both as a unit with words like “us” or “we,” or whether she refers to a larger friend group. For instance, “you and I should go!” means she’d like to go with you; “we should all go!” suggests that she likes you as a friend.
5
Take signs of bashful or shy behavior as a sign that she might like you. When you’re talking in person, pay attention to whether she starts blushing, gets into fits of nervous laughter, or can’t stop smiling. If she shows some of these signs, there’s a good chance that she’s crushing on you.^{[12]
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Research source} If you notice any awkward moments or uncomfortable silences, don’t worry! It might just mean you’re both feeling the chemistry.^{[13]
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Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Figuring out Your Feelings for Her

1
Pay attention to how happy and giddy you feel when she’s around. Not every girl can brighten your day and send you spinning; it takes someone really special to make you feel this way.^{[14]
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Research source} To determine whether your crush is that special someone, pay attention to the physical sensations you get when she’s around. Do you feel an adrenaline rush, scintillating sparks, or butterflies in your stomach when she looks at you? If you feel like you could take on the world with her at your side, it might be a good time to ask her out.
- In addition to seeing how happy you are in her presence, notice whether you get gloomy whenever she’s not around.^{[15]
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  Research source} If you don’t notice her absence, you might not be that into her, after all.
2
Consider how much of an effort you’re making to be around her. If you find yourself hastily rearranging your schedule so you can casually catch her after class or canceling on your buddies when she invites you to an event, take this as an indication that you really want to spend time with her. If you’re prepared to knock down any obstacles that might get in the way of seeing her, you’re probably ready to start going out with her.^{[16]
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- If she lingers around you while everyone else is heading home, or if she always manages to end up in the same rideshare as you, she’s probably making a concentrated effort to be around you, too.^{[17]
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- If you’ve had plenty of chances to see her but you haven’t made an effort, reflect on what’s been holding you back. If you have zero shared interests or you dislike her friends or social scene, you might not be happy in a relationship with her.
3
Notice if she’s on your mind all the time. If you’ve been thinking a lot about your crush, and you’re dreaming about asking her out, chances are you really like her.^{[18]
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Research source} If you constantly find yourself thinking about her happiness, rather than just how cute she is, you might be ready to ask her out. When little things remind you of her and your heart leaps whenever someone mentions her name, it may be time to make your dream a reality.
- Pay attention to whether you get jealous anytime you see her hanging out with someone else, or if you can’t stand the thought of her dating someone else.
- If the idea of introducing her your family and friends makes you really happy, or if you think a lot about your future together, consider making a move.^{[19]
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4
See if you catch yourself observing little things about her appearance. If you can’t stop staring at her, you definitely have a crush. But to know whether you’d be happiest admiring her from afar or you’re after a real relationship, determine whether you’re just in awe of her good looks in a general sense, or if you’re fixating on little intimate details about her facial features and expressions. Don’t get too embarrassed when she catches you looking at her; try to establish eye contact so you can better gauge her reaction.
- Beyond thinking simply that she’s cute, if you think it’s beautiful how her hair falls over her eye when she’s reading or if you’re struck how her eyes look blueish or brownish depending on the light, you probably have deeper feelings for her.^{[20]
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5
Decide whether or not you want to get to know everything about her. When you’re talking to your crush, pay attention to whether you just like talking to her about yourself, or if you can’t stop asking her questions in an effort to get to know her. If you remember the little things she tells you, and you’ve gone and looked up her favorite author or stopped by her go-to coffee shop, take it as a good sign that you should ask her out.^{[21]
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- Getting to know a girl can be one of the greatest parts of going out with her. If you’re already eager to learn everything about her, you’ll probably really like dating her.
- If you’d really rather not know much about her, don’t bother asking her out. It might be better to leave things as they are so you can crush on her mysterious ways from afar.
6
Get to know and love her flaws before making a decision. It’s easy to idealize someone when you’re simply attracted to them at a surface level. But make an effort to get to know her on a more personal level to see if you actually like her as a whole person, rather than just an idea.^{[22]
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Research source} Make a mental list of the behaviors, habits, or quirks that could be annoying or off-putting, and decide if these are deal-breakers or if you’re warming up to them.
- It’s best to know what you’re getting into before you take the plunge. For instance, if you’re a devoted dog person but she says she hates dogs, consider how this might affect your relationship.
- If you’re starting to see her quirks as being cute, or if you’re head-over-heels for her in spite of her flaws, you might be ready for a real relationship.^{[23]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Timing it Right

1
Ask her out only if she’s single. Usually, if a girl mentions that she’s seeing someone, it’s a sign that she’s not interested in going out with you. But if she’s mentioned that she’s single, and she hasn’t given any indication that she’s off the market, take it as a sign that she’s available. Take note if she asks about your relationship status; if she looks relieved to hear that you’re single, there’s a good chance that she wants to go out with you.^{[24]
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- It she’s brought up the fact that she’s single without being prompted to say so, or if she’s talked about her single status with a dismayed or flirtatious air, it might be a hint that she’s hoping to get asked out.^{[25]
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- If you’re also a girl and she mentions her queerness pretty early on, she might be trying to drop a hint about her feelings for you, especially if she’s giving off other signs of romantic interest.^{[26]
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2
Wait at least a couple of days between meeting her and asking her out. Give it some time before you pop the question, whether she’s a cute stranger or someone you just met through a dating app or in person. While you wait, focus on getting to know each other and forming a stronger connection.^{[27]
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Research source} Focus on whether your feelings fizzle out or intensify.
- If you just met her yesterday and you’re already crazy about her, it’s important to give yourself a chance to cool down and assess whether you’re really ready to ask her out.
- Be cautious about asking her out too hastily as you might give her the wrong idea.
3
Bring up the question when you’re having a great time together. While there’s no single right time to ask someone out, it helps if you’re both in a great mood and experiencing chemistry together. Wait until you’re having a great conversation, and ask her out at the peak of your conversation when you’re really connecting.
- Try not to wait too long, or else the chemistry might fade.
- Even if you’re just strolling around campus together after class or you’re hanging out at a friend’s party, find a quiet moment for the 2 of you to kick off a fun conversation.
- If you’ve been chatting over a dating app, ask her out when your conversation is on a roll and you’re both replying quickly and enthusiastically. A good time to ask might be after she’s shared a really funny or personal story.
4
Make sure you have her full attention before asking her out. If she’s distracted, you might catch her off guard or frustrate her by asking her out. Don’t bring up the question if she’s stressed about something happening in her life, trying to focus on something important, or looking around the room distractedly. Wait until she’s relaxed, in a good mood, and focusing her attention on you. Look for open body language, direct eye contact, and a smile on her face to know that you’re her main focus.^{[28]
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- While leading up to your question, be flirtatious by making direct eye contact or breaking the “touch barrier” to show that you’re really into her. This will help set the mood and capture her attention.
- Avoid asking her out in a group setting. She might be distracted or shy in the midst of well-meaning but nosy friends.
5
Hurry up and ask her out if she starts to get impatient with you. If you’ve been having great chemistry while but you’ve been waiting a long time before asking her out, she might get frustrated by all the waiting.^{[29]
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Research source} If she starts to go cold on you with agitated 1-word replies, eye-rolls, a disinterested attitude, or standoffish body language, she might be getting impatient. While you can try asking her what's wrong, she probably won’t confess her feelings. Instead, put an end to the misery and try asking her out!
- Signs of stress don’t necessarily mean she’s not interested. When someone has feelings for you, their brain can fire off the cortisol stress hormone making them act oddly.^{[30]
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- This factor only really applies if you’ve previously gotten along well, and if there’s nothing else going on that would cause some tension.
- If she’s giving off signs of agitation but still chooses to pay you attention, it might be a good sign that she’s just impatient. But if she completely ignores you or refuses to respond, there might be something else going on.

Expert Q&A

Question

Should you keep asking a girl out?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Absolutely not. If you ask and you don't get the response you were hoping for, don't keep pushing it. It may not feel good, but remember that there are more potential partners out there. It may feel like you should give it another shot, but nothing good is going to come from this.
Question

What are some signs she likes me back?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

A lot of this should just be fairly obvious to you most of the time. If she makes eye contact, she actively touches you, or she goes out of her way to interact with you, then she's probably interested.