How to Make Any Girl Want to Kiss You

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: October 28, 2022 References Approved

Figuring out when the time is right to kiss a girl can be confusing. Maybe you're unsure if she sees you as just a friend, or maybe you just don't know if she's ready to kiss. If you want to take a romantic step in your relationship, you need to let her know that you are interested in her as more than just a friend. Initiating a kiss is a direct signal that you want to pursue her romantically. Build chemistry and send her the right body language for that first kiss. There are several steps you can take to make your romantic interest want to kiss you.

This article is based on an interview with our personal development and dating coach, Eddy Baller. Check out the full interview here.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Building Chemistry

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Understand the importance of the connection. What is chemistry? It is the term used to indicate that there is a spark, or attraction, between two people. Chemistry is important because it is what makes romantic relationships different from friendships. If you are interested in a girl, you'll want to build some chemistry so that you can move towards getting that first kiss.
- Don't worry if you don't immediately have chemistry. Some couples can build it over time. But if it hasn't developed after several dates, you might want to try moving things forward. You can do this by demonstrating more affection, or having a frank talk about how you feel the relationship is going.
2
Demonstrate bonding. Females actually respond chemically to men and how they behave. Girls will have a positive physical reaction when your behavior shows that you are good at bonding with other people. For example, let her see you interacting with your friends. At a party, laugh and tell jokes with your buds. Just make sure to do this naturally--don't look fake.^{[1]
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- You can also demonstrate bonding with your romantic interest. Try doing something nice, but simple, for her. When she enters the party, for instance, offer to grab her a drink.
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3
Get your heart rate up. Doing something exhilarating causes your face to flush and your heart rate to spike--the same reactions a person has when feeling physically aroused. Take your girl on a date and do something that will get the adrenaline flowing. One idea is to see a scary movie. She will probably naturally lean in to you, or grab your hand during especially creepy scenes. This type of touching will open the door for a kiss later.
- You could also do something adventurous. If there is an amusement park nearby, take her out to ride a roller coaster. This will definitely get your hearts racing!
4
Talk about happy things. Feeling pleasure increases the desire for affection. So try setting a cheerful tone on your date. Ask her about subjects that should be happy for her. For example, if she is planning to go on vacation sometime soon, ask her to tell you about her plans.
- Another idea is to ask her about her favorite restaurant neighborhood. Not only will she be talking about a pleasurable experience, but you'll also get some insight about her likes and dislikes. Bonus!
5
Get some alone time. Spending time together alone allows you both to get to know each other on a deeper level. Eliminate distractions including cell phones, unwanted visitors, or blaring music. Choose somewhere where you can get some privacy that is also comfortable. She may not be comfortable coming over to your house early in the relationship. You may not be comfortable kissing in public so make an informed choice about a good location for your kiss.^{[2]
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- Choose an activity that you can both do together like studying, hiking, or grabbing a bite to eat. Make sure you make it clear that it will just be the two of you so you can manage any expectations.
- If you are walking or driving her home, the moment you say goodnight is often a great time to lean in for a kiss.
EXPERT TIP

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist
Dr. Allison Broennimann is a licensed Clinical Psychologist with a private practice based in the San Francisco Bay Area providing psychotherapy and neuropsychology services. With over a decade of experience, Dr. Broennimann specializes in in-depth psychotherapy to provide solution-focused treatments for anxiety, depression, relationship problems, grief, adjustment problems, traumatic stress, and phase-of-life transitions. And as part of her neuropsychology practice, she integrates depth psychotherapy and cognitive rehabilitation for those recovering after traumatic brain injury. Dr. Broennimann holds a BA in Psychology from the University of California, Santa Cruz, and an MS and Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology from Palo Alto University. She is licensed by the California Board of Psychology and is a member of the American Psychological Association.

Allison Broennimann, PhD
Clinical Psychologist

Don't rush this alone-time bonding experience. A lot of times in our current dating culture, people really jump into things, which often ends in disappointment and feeling overwhelmed. Try to move slowly and actually take the time to get to know this girl. If you can actually slow down and let both of you be present rather than projecting all of your expectations and wishes onto them, it will help build attraction.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Getting the Timing Right

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Be aware of your surroundings. In particular, you want to make sure that you two are either alone, or in a place where a kiss is appropriate. You do not want to scare her off by attempting a kiss in front of people who shouldn't be there. For example, if she is from a conservative family, it's probably not a good idea to try for a kiss in front of her parents.
- There are sometimes when a public kiss is both appropriate and natural. For example, if you are at a sporting event and your team wins the big game it would be perfectly natural to excitedly kiss your date.
- The best idea is to go with your gut. If you feel a kiss would be inappropriate or if she doesn't seem comfortable with the situation, don't go for it.
2
Choose the right moment. Just like she probably doesn't want to be kissed in front of her family, she also doesn't want to be kissed at an awkward moment. Pay attention to her verbal cues and her body language to know when the time is right. If she is telling you a story about an important project at work, it is not the right moment. Instead, show that you are listening to her.^{[3]
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- If the conversation naturally slows and the two of you are making eye contact and smiling, this is a good moment for a kiss.
3
Use effective body language. Part of having the right timing is making sure that you are both open to kissing. You want your body to indicate that a kiss is your intention. There are many ways you can let her know you are interested.^{[4]
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- Face your body toward her. Smile and make eye contact to ensure a positive and open connection. Remember that you want to be genuine so don't force a smile or eye contact or you'll come across with an unnatural expression that she may find unattractive.
- Keep your focus and convey your interest by nodding and reacting appropriately to the conversation.
- Relax your arms and shoulders by doing what feels natural to you. Either keep them folded in front of you or keep them in your pockets. If you fidget when you get nervous, perhaps either of those choices will keep your hands busy.
4
Break the touch barrier. Some of us are naturally more accustomed to initiating physical touch. If you haven't already established a pattern of physical contact, communicate your intentions by how you touch her. Touching her means that you not only have to physically get close to her but that you also want to get close to her on an emotional level. Touching her is a great way to flirt and should be done casually.
- Touch her as a reaction to a joke or get close to her without touching her by complimenting her perfume or her hair.
- Try touching her hand as you laugh at her joke. You could also gently pat or rub her shoulder while giving her a compliment.
- Dancing is a great way to break the touch barrier. Even if it's a fast song, there are plenty of reasons that your hands or other body parts will touch while you're dancing.
5
Test the waters by touching her face. Once you have read the correct body language from her, proceed to caress her face by picking her chin up in the palm of your hand. If she has been returning your touch, allowing you to get close to her, and returning your verbal flirtations, you may proceed to touching her face.
- Bring her face up towards you. She may get embarrassed and break eye contact. Be patient and playful as you continue to read her body language.^{[5]
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- If she doesn't respond well to having her face touched, do not continue. Don't make things awkward by trying to force a kiss.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Kissing Her Naturally

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Kiss her lightly. You don't want to kiss her too hard, too fast, or too sloppily. While your first kiss may make a lasting impression, you also want to find out if you enjoy it as well. Don't rush it. Instead, earn her trust by showing that you want to make her comfortable.^{[6]
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- Before initiating a kiss, look into her eyes and lean in close. Your intuition should tell you when the right moment is to proceed for a kiss.
- Make sure to match your partner's movements. Think of a kiss as pieces of a puzzle that must fit together nicely.
2
Don't rush. If you lunge in for a kiss unexpectedly, she may react unkindly and quickly move away. She may also make things awkward with laughter. Giving your date a moment to prepare not only builds the anticipation but also gives her time to compose herself.^{[7]
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3
Read her reaction. Is she smiling and blushing or is she bewildered and strained? If she reacts positively, continue to flirt or compliment her and express your feelings. If she reacts negatively, just try to naturally move forward with the conversation. Don't ramble or fidget.^{[8]
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- If she pulls away, respect her instincts. Give her time to search through her own emotions.^{[9]
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- If she smiles, kiss her again!

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you make a girl want to kiss you?

Eddy Baller
Dating Coach
Eddy Baller is a Dating Coach and the Owner of a dating consulting and coaching service, Conquer and Win, based in Vancouver, Canada. Coaching since 2011, Eddy specializes in confidence building, advanced social skills, and relationships. Conquer and Win helps men worldwide have the love lives they deserve. His work has been featured in The Art of Manliness, LifeHack, and POF among others.

Eddy Baller

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Build on the sexual tension in the moment! Stare into her eyes, smile, and just allow those butterflies to build up. Hopefully, that'll initiate the same response in her, as people usually mirror each other in these kinds of situations.