How to Meet the Parents

Co-authored by Shana Tibi and Amber Crain

Last Updated: January 10, 2023 References

Meeting your partner's parents for the first time can be a pretty nerve-wracking ordeal since you really want to make a great first impression. If you're looking for some advice to help you nail this crucial meeting, we've got you covered. Our handy list of tips can help you win over your SO's parents with ease and charm!

1

Do Your Homework

Ask your partner to fill you in on the crucial details.^{[1]
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Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} What are their names and what do they prefer to be called? What do they do for work? Are they divorced? What are their passions? Ask your partner to share a few interesting family facts and find out if there are any hot-button topics to steer clear of.^{[2]
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- Your partner might find these questions a bit funny or silly, but you'll save yourself a lot of awkwardness by finding out these details in advance.
- Do a little research of your own by checking out their social media accounts.

2

Dress to Impress

Aim to look well-groomed, neat, and presentable. First, consider the occasion: are you going to a fancy restaurant, an outdoor barbeque, or a casual dinner at their home? Once you know that, you can choose an appropriate outfit. You can’t go wrong with clean, wrinkle-free clothes that look sharp and fit well.^{[3]
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Research source} Some additional tips to help you out:
- Skip outlandish, quirky, or revealing clothes. When in doubt, go conservative.
- Err on the dressy side; overdressed is better than under-dressed.
- Business casual attire (nice slacks, long-sleeved button-up, fitted blazer, and a tasteful piece of jewelry) works well in most situations.
- If you still aren’t sure what to wear, ask your partner for help.

3

Be Puntual

Punctuality shows that you’re respectful and responsible. Showing up late makes a pretty poor first impression. Find out exactly what time you’re supposed to arrive and get there 10 minutes early. If something beyond your control happens to make you late, just call ahead to let them know and offer a sincere apology once you arrive. ^{[4]
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4

Bring a Gift

If you're going to their home, a small gift is a nice gesture. For a dinner gathering, ask if they’d like you to bring an appetizer, side dish, or dessert with you. A nice bottle of red wine is a classic option that works well.^{[5]
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- Showing up with flowers for your partner’s mother is always a classy move.^{[6]
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- If you’re meeting them somewhere, like a restaurant, you don’t need to bring anything.

5

Greet Them with a Smile

A warm smile is a key part of making a good first impression. A nice smile makes you seem trustworthy, approachable, and easy to talk to. Flash your awesome smile as soon as you see the parents and keep it in place as your partner introduces everyone.^{[7]
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- Avoid a big, toothy grin, though! It can make you seem a bit awkward.^{[8]
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6

Put Away Devices

Consider silencing it or turning on "Do Not Disturb" mode. You'll make a better impression if you're fully engaged in the conversation. Even if you feel a little awkward, avoid the urge to text your bestie a full report until after you leave.^{[9]
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- If you do get an important phone call, politely excuse yourself by saying something like, "I'm so sorry, I have to take this." Step out of the room to take the call, and return as quickly as possible.

7

Mention Key-Details

Remembering details can show that you care. Think back to any of the things your partner shared about your parents, or anything you might have seen on their social media pages. Then, use that as a conversation starter if things start to stall.^{[10]
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- For instance, you might say, "Mrs. Ingram, your son mentioned you were promoted recently at work. Congratulations!"
- Or, you might say, "Mr. Singh, I understand you served in the military. My father was in the Army. I'm sure the two of you would have lots to talk about."

8

Compliment Them

Go with something genuine and sincere.^{[11]
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Expert Source

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.} You usually can’t go wrong if you compliment them on their beautiful home or the delicious dinner they served. If they have amazing artwork hanging in the foyer, praise the pieces and ask about them. Don’t overdo it, though; nonstop compliments come off as insincere.^{[12]
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- You might say, “I love the greenhouse you have attached to your house! It feels like a tropical jungle in there."
- You can always go the charming route and compliment the parents on how well they raised your partner.
- Compliments can be nonverbal, too! For example, if they made dinner, ask for seconds.

9

Say good things about your partner.

Make a good impression by showing you care about their child. Mention some of the things you love about them or why you think you're a good fit. You can even compliment your partner's parent on what a good job they did raising such a great person!^{[13]
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- Try saying something like, "I'm so glad we're finally getting to meet. Kamani is such an amazing guy, and I'm sure you had a big part in that!"

10

Keep the Conversation Flowing

Show interest in their lives and ask open-ended questions. When they tell you something about themselves or answer one of your questions, build on that by asking follow-up questions to get more details. If you aren’t sure where to start, you can always ask questions about something interesting in the room or elsewhere in their home.^{[14]
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- For example, “That painting over the fireplace is absolutely gorgeous. Do you love collecting artwork?”
- You might say, "Sarah tells me you lived in Germany for a year when you were in the military. I studied abroad in Germany last summer. Did you enjoy your time there?"
- Avoid sensitive topics like religion and politics. Safe topics include classical music, jazz, wine, beer, cars, crafts, pets, gardening, and literature.

11

Answer Any Questions They Have

Be respectful and gracious if they question you. It's only natural for your partner's parents to be curious about you, so don't be surprised if they have some tough questions. They might ask about your plans for the future, including your intentions for your relationship. Just do your best to answer honestly and with an open, positive attitude.^{[15]
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- If they ask anything that's too private, it's fine to say something like, "I'm sorry, I'm not really comfortable talking about that. I hope you understand!" Then, give them a smile and change the subject.

12

Offer to Help

Be an awesome guest by helping with cleanup after dinner. Help clear the dishes off the table, pack up leftovers, or do the dishes. Even if they decline your help, the offer alone reflects well on you.^{[16]
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Research source} You could also help with:
- Setting the table
- Pouring drinks
- Putting on music
- Refreshing beverages

13

Be yourself.

Your true personality is something to be proud of. You don’t want to craft a fake personality and then have to keep up that charade at every future encounter. You want them to know and like the real you! The key is to be confident and present the best possible version of yourself.^{[17]
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Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 19 October 2021.}

14

Connect with your partner during the visit.

Don't ignore your partner while you're talking to their parents. Keep in mind that your partner is probably feeling a little nervous about this meeting, too. Every so often, address a comment or question to them, or even just glance over and give them a little smile. That will help them feel like things are going well—which may help their parents feel more at ease, too.^{[18]
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- Avoid going overboard with PDA while the parents are around, though. A little hand-holding is probably fine, or even a quick kiss on the cheek, but keep it family-friendly.^{[19]
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Expert Q&A

Question

What should I know before meeting her parents?

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Shana Tibi is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Date and Relationship Coach, and the Founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals. Shana specializes in understanding core values and personal preferences to curate dates. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution from Prescott College and an MSW in Social Work from California State University, Hayward. She is an active member of the Global Love Institute where she earned her matchmaking certifications.

Shana Tibi

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Get some background info on her parents' cultural and religious norms and expectations. Make sure that you understand what's going to happen at the meet-up so you feel comfortable and prepared beforehand.
Question

How do you start a conversation with your partner's parents?

Shana Tibi
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Shana Tibi is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Date and Relationship Coach, and the Founder of Curated Connections, a matchmaking service for single professionals. Shana specializes in understanding core values and personal preferences to curate dates. She holds a BA in Peace Studies and Conflict Resolution from Prescott College and an MSW in Social Work from California State University, Hayward. She is an active member of the Global Love Institute where she earned her matchmaking certifications.

Shana Tibi

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Try to keep things light-hearted! You don't need to share your entire life story in the first meeting—that could get a little awkward. Try to think of your meeting like a first date; ideally, you want to make a good enough impression for a second date later on.