How to Play Hard to Get for Guys

Last Updated: September 30, 2021 References

Playing hard to get is the perfect way to get a girl's attention and to make her see that you're worth the chase. If you start groveling at a girl's feet, following her around like a puppy dog, and singing romantic songs to her while playing your acoustic guitar, then she'll quickly start to lose interest. Of course, you can let her know you like her — while making sure to keep her on her toes. If you want to know how to play hard to get, see Step 1 to getting the girl of your dreams — without looking like you're even trying.

Part 1

Part 1 of 2:

Catching Her Eye

1
Keep the girl on her toes after you meet. If you want to play hard to get, then you can't be too open about how much you like the girl or let her know exactly how you feel. Instead, you have to keep things fun and interesting by teasing her, being playful, gently bumping into her, and just generally keeping things light and fun without letting the girl know where you stand. Keep her guessing about your true feelings by teasing her a bit, but then pulling away if things get too friendly. Make her wonder how you really feel while encouraging her enough to keep her interested.^{[1]
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- To keep her on her toes, you can call her out in a joking way, by saying things like, "How much pink can one person really wear?" Or, "I've never known anyone who is so obsessed with her cat." Joke around with her and let her see that you appreciate her without all-out complimenting her, and you'll only intrigue her further.
2
Play it cool when it comes to calling or texting her. If you want to play hard to get, then you don't want the girl you like to feel like you are at her beck and call. If she calls you, don't pick up on the first — or even the second or third — ring. Let her feel like you have something more important to do. Though you don't want to look like you're too booked to care about her, you may not want to pick up the phone every time she calls, either. Give it a few hours to let her see that you have a lot going on.^{[2]
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- Don't hang around the phone and annoy the girl you like by texting her what you ate for breakfast or asking what she thinks is the meaning of life.
- Who says you have to focus on talking to just one girl at a time? Instead of lingering over one person, use this time to be free and explore your options.
- Don't respond right away when your interest texts you. Go make a sandwich and wait fifteen minutes to respond, even if it's hard to wait. If she calls, let it go to voicemail and wait a few hours to call her back. If you really want to answer the phone, at least wait until the third ring.
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3
Once you exchange phone numbers with her, let her call you first. Of course, she may not do so, expecting you to make the first move. After a certain amount of time has passed, you will have to decide whether or not to abandon your "hard-to-get" strategy. You can eventually call her first, but let her call you first the next time. You have to make it clear that you won't be doing all of the work. If she just expects to wait around for your call all day, it won't happen.^{[3]
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4
Don't open up about your feelings too fast. Wait to let her bring these things up. If you start talking about these topics, she may feel uncomfortable or like you're coming on too strong. The longer you keep a girl desiring your words of affirmation or affection, the better it'll be when you finally decide to make your move; also, of course the greater the risk that she'll decide that you're simply not interested and move on. At this point, revealing that you were playing "hard-to-get" all along and are actually interested in her isn't likely to meet with an enthusiastic response.^{[4]
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- You can let her know you like her in subtle ways, such as giving her compliments or saying that you like hanging out with her, but you shouldn't say anything too extreme or intense, like, "I've never met a girl like you" or "I think I'm really falling for you," or your act will be over.
5
Don't look available all of the time. Though the girl you like will quickly get bored if you act like you only have one free weekend a month, you don't want to make it seem like your schedule is wide open and that you would drop everything to hang out with the girl at any moment.^{[5]
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Expert Source

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.} If she invites you to hang out somewhere, you can tell her you're busy and suggest another time to meet. Or, if you're really eager to hang out, you can accept the invitation but make it seem like you have a busy week coming up after that. Find a balance between being around enough to get to know her and not looking like you have no social life.
- As a rule, if the girl asks you what you're doing this weekend, and it's just a day or two away, you may not want to hang out. You don't want it to look like your weekends are always free — this may lead her to wonder why you have nothing going on on a Friday and Saturday night.
- Use your personal work commitments or hobbies as excuses for why you can't hang out.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jan & Jillian Yuhas
  Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
- Try going on dates once a week instead of scheduling get-togethers really frequently.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jan & Jillian Yuhas
  Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}
6
Don't break the touch barrier too soon. Of course, if you want the girl to like you, then you'll have to show her some affection. But at first, you may not want to put your arm around her the second you sit down at the movies, or try to hold her hand when you're on a walk together. Wait until you've hung out a few times, or at least spent a few hours together, before you make a move. If you come on too strong before the girl is ready, then she'll be turned off. You have to find the moment to surprise and excite her with a bit of physical affection.^{[8]
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- Taking your time — within reason — will keep the girl guessing because she'll keep wondering whether you like her and what you want while you're together. If you put your arm around her the second you pick her up for a date, then your intentions will be clear.
7
Don't linger too long at first. After you hang out with the girl for an evening, don't stall too much or delay leaving. If you hang around flirting with the girl and looking into her eyes, she'll see that she has you hooked. Instead, make your way for the exit and let her know you had a great time. Stick around long enough that she's happy for the company, but not for so long that she wonders, "When is this guy leaving already?"
- This is true both for your dates and for when you run into each other in the halls. If you jump into a great conversation, say you have to go while the conversation is at its peak, not once you're running out of things to say. This will leave her wishing she could talk to you longer instead of struggling to come up with ways to fill an awkward silence.
- In general, try to keep your dates relatively short—no more than a few hours. This helps you maintain the intrigue factor.^{[9]
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  Expert Source
  
  Jan & Jillian Yuhas
  Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
  Expert Interview. 19 August 2021.}

Part 2

Part 2 of 2:

Keeping Her Hooked

1
Open up to her little by little. The trick to playing hard to get is to keep the girl interested while making her want more. If you reveal everything about yourself to her at once, then she won't feel like she has to do any work to get to know you. You should make your relationship feel like a challenge, and show her that you have to develop trust in people before opening up about the things that matter to you, the things that make you tick, and your fears and doubts. Every time you hang out with the girl, let her in a bit more.^{[10]
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- The first time you're together, you can talk about something innocent, like your hobbies or your dog. The next time you hang out, you can tell her a bit more about your friends and family. The third time, you can talk about your dreams for the future or something else she wouldn't realize about you at first glance. This will make her see that you're an interesting person who is worth getting to know, instead of someone who tells her every little thing at once.
2
Don't be mean or rude when playing hard to get. Don't go overboard on trying to get her jealous or talking about other girls you like. She wants a mysterious man with power, not one who's a ladies' man and a jerk to her. This is especially pointless if you really are just going after one girl instead of trying to appear mysterious and elusive to a number of girls. There's a difference between playing it cool and not coming on too strong and just being downright mean. Make sure that you never play hard to get at the expense of a girl's feelings.
- You can joke around with the girl as long as the jokes go both ways; don't make her feel like you're teasing her to be mean, but to flirt with her. If you put her down for real, she won't be interested.
3
Don't be completely open about your plans. If you have to go somewhere, don't tell her every little detail about where you're going and what you have to do. While you shouldn't lie that you're going out on another date (or be open if you really are going out to womanize), you also don't have to tell her where you're going every time you have to leave. If you have to celebrate your Aunt Gerta's retirement this Saturday, just say that you have plans Saturday night. This is both telling the truth and leading the girl to wonder about your exciting weekend plans.
- It's a fact: the more busy and mysterious you seem, the more the girl will want to be a part of your plans. Don't let her know that you're only busy because you have to babysit your little brother; if she imagines you going on an exotic date with a celebrity instead of taking your little brother to pee wee football practice, then all the better.^{[11]
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4
Reveal your true feelings little by little. After some time has passed, come back to her and let her know you're still interested. Ease up on the cold shoulder that you've been giving her. Come around a bit more, and be more sensitive than when you started. You've nudged your way into her heart already and you made her want you more than she would have if you didn't play hard to get. It's important to not make her wait too long when you play hard to get, otherwise she'll become frustrated and move on. Leave her hints and keep her locked into liking you.
- If you tell her how you feel little by little instead of being completely secretive about it, she will appreciate it all the more. As you come to like the girl more, you can be more honest about your feelings. She'll see that sticking it out was worth it.
5
Make sure you don't take it too far. The important thing with playing hard to get is to use good measure. As you journey down the road of playing hard to get, make sure she is still interested. You don't want to overdo the game; if you feel she is losing interest, then encourage her to pay attention to you, and pay more attention to her. Remember, it's a game, or if you prefer, a dance. If you act like you're completely unavailable and not really that interested, she will move on to a guy who is more open with his affection. You should let the girl know that you're interested without coming on too strong.
- If you put off hanging out with the girl for weeks to look like you're super busy, then she'll start to look for someone with a more flexible schedule.
- If you never compliment the girl or give her any indication that you like her, then she'll start to feel snubbed. It won't be any fun for her if you don't give her anything at all to work with. Think about it: would you keep hanging out with a girl who doesn't act like she really cares about you at all?
6
Know that the chase is never over. Even if you've snagged the girl of your dreams by playing hard to get, you should always keep the relationship interesting by continuing the chase. This doesn't mean that you should be secretive about your feelings forever, or that you should act like you're busy when you're not, but that both you and the girl should feel like you have to work for each other's affection. Keep your relationship fresh, exciting, and interesting long after you've both said how much you like each other.
- It should be mutual, of course. If your whole relationship is based on the girl trying to chase you while you remain mysterious, then she will tire of you quickly.

Expert Q&A

Question

Can I call her while playing hard to get?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

You can call and message her every day, but try not see her that frequently if you want to play for a while.
Question

How do you play hard to get without pushing them away?

Jan & Jillian Yuhas
Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists
Jan Yuhas and Jillian Yuhas are Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists and the Founders of Entwined Lifestyle. They specialize in helping individuals and couples work on effective communication, healthy boundaries, and lifestyle wellness. They have also been featured on media outlets such as Yahoo Lifestyle and Bustle. Jan and Jillian both hold a BA in Psychology from The University of Illinois at Chicago and an MA in Marriage and Family Therapy from The Adler School of Professional Psychology.

Jan & Jillian Yuhas

Relationship Coaches & Boundary Specialists

Expert Answer

You should aim to keep the mystery up and make her want you more while also trying to maintain a connection. Avoid burning out the fire of the relationship in the early stages of dating with overexposure.

Warnings

Do not put your arm around a girl when making the first move. This can seem awkward and too forward. Most girls will not receive it well.

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