Good-natured teasing and insults can easily become bullying, which is something you never deserve to experience. Fortunately, there are several positive ways you can respond to and stop unwanted teasing. We'll walk you through strategies you can use in the moment and after the fact to react to insults and get the respect you deserve.

1

Never blame yourself.

2

Use humor against playful teasing.

  1. Try a humorous response if the person isn’t mean-spirited. Humor can diffuse an uncomfortable situation, disarm the aggressor, and even undermine their teasing. Try making a joke when someone teases you in an attempt to be playful or funny themselves, not purposely hurtful. That said, don’t feel like you have to join in on your own teasing—if using humor doesn’t feel right to you, don’t do it.[3]
    • If your coworker mocks the poster you brought to a conference, try saying, “You’re right. This is a lousy poster. I really shouldn’t have let my five-year-old do my work for me.”
    • Another option might be to act shocked and engage in some playful banter with the person. For example, you might say something like, “Oh my goodness! You’re right! Thank you for helping me to see the light!”
3

Call them out on their bullying.

  1. Be direct with them when humor or ignoring won’t cut it. Use a firm yet calm tone. Make it clear that you are not pleased—be serious, not jokey, angry, fearful, submissive, or apologetic. Explain in direct language why you are not okay with their teasing, insults, or bullying.[4]
    • Say something like this if a classmate teases you about your shoes: “It makes me upset when you insult me in front of our classmates. Please stop it.”
    • If your co-workers are heckling you in a sexist way, say something like this: “Your so-called playful teasing is actually sexual harassment. If it happens again I’ll report you to our supervisor.”
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4

Take a deep, calming breath.

  1. Make sure you can respond to a bully calmly and clearly. Instead of letting your immediate emotional reaction control your response, pause for a moment and breathe deeply to calm yourself. Keep your cool and stay grounded so you can say exactly what you want to say in just the way you want to express it.[5]
    • There’s nothing wrong with being upset and angry—you have every right to feel that way when you’re being bullied. Don’t think you have to ignore or reject these feelings; instead, manage them in the moment so you can react effectively.
5

Don’t insult them back.

  1. Avoid giving a bully the angry response they’re looking for. Reacting aggressively, such as by insulting them back, adds fuel to the bully’s fire. Don’t give them the satisfaction of “pushing your buttons” and getting an emotional response. Instead of getting angry or falling into a tit-for-tat insult war, take positive action to prevent the bullying from happening repeatedly.[6]
    • If you insult them back, they’ll just turn around and insult you again, and things will just keep getting worse.
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6

Walk away or just avoid them.

  1. Spend as little time as you can around a bully. Avoiding a bully can help minimize the insults and teasing you experience. While this is not always possible, come up with ways to reduce the amount of time you spend around the bully, or even avoid contact altogether. However, don’t feel like you have to sacrifice your interests, goals, or happiness in order to avoid a bully. If that’s the case, respond more directly to them.[7]
    • If it’s an offhand insult by someone who doesn’t seem to have a mean intention, it may be best to just ignore it completely. However, if you sense that there’s any kind of pattern to their insults, ignoring them probably won’t help.
    • If you are being teased while walking home from school, you might take a different but still convenient route that avoids the bully.
    • If you are being teased or insulted online, consider deleting the bully from your social media networks or limiting the time you spend on certain platforms.
7

Consider the person’s motivation.

  1. Knowing why they’re targeting you helps you to respond. They might tease you in an attempt to make themselves feel better, or out of jealousy, or because they don't understand you or the situation as well as they could. Ask yourself whether they’re intentionally trying to hurt you or if they’re just doing a bad job of attempting to have some fun. Also, think about how they’re likely to react to different types of responses on your part.[8]
    • For example, the coworker who always insults your clothing may feel like you are getting more credit than you deserve from your boss.
    • In another example, your aggressor might be teasing you because they do not understand that your disability prevents you from fully participating in an activity.
    • Or, a relative or close friend might tease you about something, such as a quirk that they find amusing about you, and not realize it bothers you.
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8

Plan your response to repeated teasing.

  1. Practice ahead of time so you can react in an effective way. If you must spend time with a person who repeatedly insults or teases you, come up with a plan for how you will address the situation. Thinking through ways you can respond and role-playing your response can help you handle the situation.[9]
    • Practice role-playing with a trusted friend or family member. For example, have your best friend say, “Anna, your haircut is really awful.” You can respond with, “Thank you for your opinion, but I like it and that is what matters.”
    • If your boss is insulting you in a belittling way, come up with a plan. Practice with a friend, saying something like the following: “Bob, your teasing about the way I talk is hurtful and unprofessional, even if you don’t mean it to be. Please stop or I will report it to human resources.”
9

Talk with the person.

  1. Have a conversation if your bully is willing to talk. For example, if you are being repeatedly insulted by a friend or family member, it might be time to sit down and have a conversation about the abuse. Be direct about how the teasing makes you feel and how the harassment affects your life. Listen carefully to what they have to say and look for a way to resolve the issue together.[10]
    • If your mother continually insults your appearance, try saying, “Mom, I feel hurt when you comment on my clothing, hair, or makeup. It hurts my feelings. From now on, please stop making these comments.”
    • Even if the teasing isn’t malicious, you can still say something to the person if it bothers you: "I love hanging out with you and it's fun teasing each other sometimes, but the following topics hurt my feelings and those are off-limits now: clothes, husband, kids, etc…”
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12

Contact HR if you're getting teased at work.

13

Report serious harassment any time.

  1. Don’t let harmful, repeated, or illegal bullying stand. It’s not a sign of weakness to report hurtful insults and teasing to a teacher, supervisor, parent, or other authority figure. Whenever bullying crosses the line, you owe it to yourself to report it. You’ll be helping the person doing the bullying as well, and may prevent others from being bullied by them.[14]
    • You have a right to feel safe at school and have a distraction-free environment to learn. If someone is teasing you in a way that makes you feel unsafe or interferes with your ability to learn, talk to your parents or teacher about it.
    • Sometimes teasing or insults violate the law. For example, if you have a co-worker who is sexually harassing you by commenting on your body, this is a violation of the law and should be reported immediately.
    • Report teasing and insults based on your identity—such as your gender, sexuality, race, ethnicity, religion, or disability. This type of harassment is serious and may be illegal. Tell an authority figure if you are being teased or insulted in this way.
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Expert Q&A
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  • Question
    How can I build up my confidence when people tease me?
    Inge Hansen, PsyD
    Inge Hansen, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Dr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise.
    Inge Hansen, PsyD
    Clinical Psychologist
    Expert Answer

    Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

    Find people in your life who will accept and celebrate you for who you are. Remember that it has nothing to do with you and your inherent worth.
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About This Article

Inge Hansen, PsyD
Co-authored by:
Clinical Psychologist
This article was co-authored by Inge Hansen, PsyD and by wikiHow staff writer, Christopher M. Osborne, PhD. Dr. Inge Hansen, PsyD, is the Director of Well-Being at Stanford University and the Weiland Health Initiative. Dr. Hansen has professional interests in social justice and gender and sexual diversity. She earned her PsyD from the California School of Professional Psychology with specialized training in the area of gender and sexual identity. She is the co-author of The Ethical Sellout: Maintaining Your Integrity in the Age of Compromise. This article has been viewed 1,048,555 times.
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Co-authors: 116
Updated: September 17, 2021
Views: 1,048,555
Categories: Dealing with Bullying
Article SummaryX

It can be painful to be insulted or teased, but by ignoring it, you may be able to get the other person to stop. Try to stay calm and hide your emotions, since getting upset or angry could make them pick on you even more. Alternatively, make a sarcastic joke back at them to give them a taste of their own medicine. If the person’s insults or jokes really hurt you, get them alone and tell them how you feel. For example, say something like, “Hey, I know you’re just joking, but it makes me feel really bad when you pick on me like that. Can you please stop it?” If they continue after that, tell your teacher, school counselor, or boss so they can help you resolve the situation. For more tips from our co-author, including how to not take teasing personally, read on.

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