How to Resolve an Identity Crisis

Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS

Last Updated: February 9, 2023 References Approved

An identity crisis can occur at any age and in any set of circumstances, but it's equally unnerving no matter what those conditions are. Our sense of self is vital to our happiness, and when that sense of self becomes fractured, it can be devastating. Learning how to regain your sense of self can help you overcome an identity crisis and find happiness.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Learning Who You Are

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Explore your identity. Identity exploration is most common during adolescence. Many teenagers try different personas and experiment with different value sets from the ones they were raised with. It's an important part of growing up, and without that exploration, an adult risks finding himself without a consciously-chosen identity.^{[1]
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Research source} If you've never explored your identity at any point in your life, doing so now will be an important step in resolving your identity crisis.
- Think about the qualities and characteristics that define you as you are today.^{[2]
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- Examine your values. What is most important to you? What principles define how you live? How were they formed, and who influenced you in adopting those values?^{[3]
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- Assess whether those qualities and values have changed over the course of your life, or remained fairly constant. Whether or not they have changed, examine why that has been the case.^{[4]
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2
Determine what grounds you. Everyone feels adrift from time to time. When you do, it's important to figure out what grounds you back in your day-to-day life.^{[5]
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Research source} For many people, the things that are most grounding are our relationships with other people. Friends, relatives, colleagues, and romantic partners all form a network of relationships that we choose to surround ourselves with.
- Think about the relationships that mean the most to you. How have those relationships shaped you, for better or worse?^{[6]
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- Now think about why those relationships are important to you. Why do you surround yourself with the people you choose to be with?^{[7]
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- If relationships do not ground you, think about why that is. Are you someone who does not seek out intimacy with others? Is that something you like about yourself, or something you wish to change?
- Ask yourself honestly whether you would still be the same person without the relationships that you have had throughout your life.
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3
Examine your interests. In addition to relationships, personal interests are often what help keep people grounded in life. Whether you realize it or not, your relationships and your hobbies/interests probably occupy most of your free time outside of work or school. You may have chosen interests because of your personality and identity, or perhaps your sense of self was shaped by those interests and hobbies. Either way, these are crucial to understanding who you are at heart.^{[8]
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- Think about how you spend your free time. Which interests or hobbies do you spend the most time and energy on?
- Now consider why those interests are important to you. Have you always had these interests? Have they defined you since you were young, or are they more recent acquisitions? Why did you develop those interests in the first place?
- Ask yourself honestly, would you still be the same person without those interests?
4
Visualize your best possible future self. One way to feel more secure in your sense of self and more confident in who you want to be is to practice visualizing your best possible future self. This exercise forces you to examine your current self, then visualize and write about the best possible version of yourself you can realistically work toward becoming.^{[9]
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- Set aside 20 minutes to perform the visualization exercise.^{[10]
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- Imagine your life in the near future, focusing on specific aspects of your life that will have gone as well as possible.^{[11]
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- Write down the details of what you imagined for yourself.
- Think about ways to make the vision you have for yourself become a reality. Recall the future you've imagined any time you feel stuck or otherwise lost in life, and use it to center yourself.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Recovering From Loss or Change

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Reassess your life. Loss and change can be devastating, but they also offer us new opportunities to evaluate who we are and what we are doing. Chances are your goals and dreams are different now than they were five or ten years ago, and yet you may have become blind to that change because of habit and circumstance.
- Any time you suffer a loss or a sudden change, use it as an opportunity to reassess and re-evaluate your life. Many people see a loved one's death, for example, as a wakeup call to do things differently or stop putting off long-term goals. A job loss can also be a wakeup call to find a job that offers more happiness and fulfillment.
- Ask yourself honestly if your current goals and personal values are the same as they used to be. If they are not, find ways to incorporate your new goals and values into your life.
2
Open yourself to change. Many people fear change, especially big changes that can seem life-altering. But change isn't always a bad thing - in fact, it's normal and healthy for our circumstances to change, and some experts advise that anyone going through change should adapt and modify their identity, rather than resisting inevitable change.
- Ask yourself if, in ten or twenty years, you would regret not having taken a chance at trying something new or doing things differently.
- Allow yourself to go through a process of self-discovery. Figure out what it is that you want most in life, and find a way to work toward that goal from your current self.
- As you imagine your future self, don't forget that that self is still you. Don't expect to be a different person. Rather, anticipate that experience will make you wiser and more informed than you are, without distancing you from your core self.
3
Explore your options. Some people who have been laid off or otherwise lost a job/status may feel a sense of identity crisis, not knowing what to do or how to pick up the pieces. Some experts advise that one of the best things you can do after losing a job that you loved is to explore other options, seeking ways to do the same work in a different setting.^{[12]
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- Consider freelance work in your chosen field. It may not be your ideal job position, but it will allow you to continue working in a field you enjoy, which can help renew your sense of purpose.
- Try networking. Some employment positions are only advertised internally, to other employees. This is why networking with other professionals in your field can be tremendously beneficial. It opens doors on new opportunities that you might have otherwise missed, and can help you feel like you are part of a larger community of likeminded professionals.
- Develop new habits that will help you get where you want to be. Doing the same things you've been doing for years probably won't get you on a different track, so work hard at making the necessary changes.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Finding Your Sense of Purpose

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Live your values. The values you hold are central to who you are as a person. They help shape your identity in many ways. One of the easiest ways to find a sense of purpose in life is to always embody the values that you hold dear.
- If being kind and compassionate are part of your values, then find ways to practice kindness and compassion every day.
- If religion is one of your values, then practice your religion regularly.
- If fostering a sense of community is one of your values, then get to know your neighbors and try to organize a monthly get together.
2
Do something you're passionate about. If you are passionate about your job, that will make you very happy in life. If you are not passionate about your job, that's okay - you just need to find things that you're passionate about outside of work. Having something that you are passionate about can help you feel more fulfilled and it will give you a better sense of purpose.^{[13]
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- Start doing what you love, and what makes you happy (provided that what makes you happy is safe and legal). There's no reason to put off doing things that you are passionate about. Many people even find ways of building their passions into a self-sustaining job. It takes work, but it starts with finding time to do what makes you happy.^{[14]
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- If you don't have anything you're currently passionate about, find something. Look to your set of values for inspiration on things that might bring you joy. Or, pick up a new hobby. Learn an instrument, take an instructional class, or go to a hobby store and ask someone who works there for suggestions on good beginner's crafts.
3
Get outdoors. Some people find that spending time outdoors gives them a sense of purpose and fulfillment. There are even wilderness therapy treatments that use outdoor activities, like hiking and camping, to help people overcome psychological problems and addictions.^{[15]
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- Search online to find parks and hiking trails near your home. Just be sure to follow all the necessary safety precautions, and bring someone with you if you're new to the area or the activity.
4
Explore your spirituality. Religion is not for everyone, and it won't necessarily give everyone a sense of purpose. But some people find that faith and a religious community help them feel connected to something outside of themselves. Even secular, spiritual-based practices, like meditation and mindfulness, have been shown to have positive effects on a person's psychological wellbeing.^{[16]
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- Try using meditation to feel more centered. Keep an intention in mind, such as centering yourself or finding a sense of self/purpose. Then focus on your breathing, ignoring any outside thoughts that pop into your head. Breathe through your nostrils and concentrate on the sensation of breathing in and out. Sit for as long as you are comfortable, and try to increase the duration of your meditation every time you practice meditating.^{[17]
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- Search online and read about different religions from around the world. Each faith has its own sets of values and beliefs, some of which may fall in line with your own values.
- Talk to friends or relatives who are spiritual. They may have some insight and could potentially help you explore the practices and beliefs of various religions, if that is something you are interested in.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Strengthening Your Sense of Identity

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Work on your relationships. Friends, family, and significant others are all sources of stability for many people. Having a strong connection with your family or friends can also help you feel more stable in terms of identity by giving you a sense of belonging.^{[18]
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- Call or email your friends and/or family members. Reach out to people you see often as well as people you only see occasionally.
- Let your friends and family know that you care about them, and tell them you'd like to spend more time together.
- Make plans to get coffee, go out to eat, go see a movie, grab a drink, or go on an adventure together. Putting time and effort into building stronger relationships will help you feel more happy and more sure in your sense of self.
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Find ways to grow personally. Whether you find satisfaction and personal growth in religion, athletics, philosophy, art, travel, or any other passion, pursue the things that are important to you. Let yourself be shaped and changed by your passions by making yourself vulnerable. Acknowledge that the things you enjoy are worth enjoying, and find ways to surround yourself with those things on a daily or weekly basis.^{[19]
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Strive to achieve. A great way to feel a stronger sense of purpose is to earn praise and achievements at your career. No matter what you do, if you work hard at doing it well, there will be payoffs. While there is of course much more to life than just working, work does help validate us and make us feel that we have a purpose.^{[20]
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- If you are unhappy with your current career, look into finding ways to do something different. Some career paths may require additional education or training, while others may be accessible with your current education and work experience. Finding a way to work in a field that makes you happy will give you a tremendous sense of purpose and personal satisfaction.