How to Respect Pronouns

Last Updated: June 20, 2022

One of the most basic ways to demonstrate respect for someone's gender identification is to ask for and accurately use their pronouns. It's a comfort not to have to worry about which pronoun someone will use for you based on their gender perception. When someone is referred to with the wrong pronoun, it can make them feel disrespected, invalidated, dismissed, or dysphoric (often all of the above.) Pronouns are important because when others correctly use a person's pronouns, because they show respect and create an inclusive environment. This article will teach you more about pronouns and how to respect them.

1

Understand what pronouns are.

You may not be familiar with the term "pronoun," yet you use them frequently. In place of a proper noun (such as a person's name), pronouns are used. When referring to someone without using their name, we most typically utilize pronouns. "Have you heard from Tom? He hasn't texted me." In this sentence, 'he' is the pronoun.^{[1]
X
Research source}

2

Understand why pronouns matter.

Our most often used pronouns (he/she) refer to a person's gender. These pronouns may not fit queer, gender non-conforming, non-binary, and transgender people, causing discomfort, tension, and worry. Using accurate pronouns and names reduces depression and suicide risk among transgender youth, according to a recent study. Are you confused as to why this would enrage someone? Consider your pronoun (it's most likely "he" or "she"). Imagine someone addressing you as the person you don't consider yourself to be. Imagine them repeating it again and again, even after you've told them they're wrong.^{[2]
X
Research source}

3

Introduce yourself with your name and pronouns.

One of the most basic ways to demonstrate respect for someone's gender identification is to ask for and accurately use their pronouns. Make it a habit to say your pronouns along with your name when introducing yourself.^{[3]
X
Research source}
- It's completely fine to ask about someone's pronouns.

4

Ask for someone's pronouns when you meet them.

We use pronouns to identify or refer to people, so the next time you're unsure about someone's pronouns, just ask! ^{[4]
X
Research source}
- If you are unsure of someone's pronouns but wish to speak about the person, use they/them until you are certain of their pronouns.

5

Avoid assuming pronouns.

You can't presume how someone defines their gender based on their appearance, it's crucial to ask for pronouns. We routinely presume the gender of others based on their looks and express these assumptions using gendered terminology like she/he, ma'am/sir, Ms./Mr., and ladies/gentlemen, when we could be using folks and they/them.^{[5]
X
Research source}

6

Apologize if you slip up.

If you mess up their pronouns or name, apologize and correct yourself. We all make mistakes—if you slip up on someone's pronouns, make amends, and move on. If you make a mistake in front of a group of people, you may want to apologize to the person privately later — there's no need to draw a lot of attention. The best thing to do next time is to use the proper pronouns.^{[6]
X
Research source}