How to Respond to an "Xoxo" Text

Co-authored by John Keegan and Dan Hickey

Last Updated: February 13, 2022

What do you do when an unexpected “Xoxo” shows up in your text messages? Depending on your relationship to the sender, it can be a friendly and platonic gesture, a flirty way to ask for some hugs and kisses from a crush, or a genuine expression of love and longing from a romantic partner. That’s why we’ve put together a comprehensive list of responses to an “Xoxo” text that covers all your bases and takes the guesswork out of replying to virtual “hugs and kisses.”

1

"Ooo!"

Send this to show you’re only interested in the hugs part. It’s a lighthearted way to acknowledge and appreciate the sender, but also communicates that you’re not interested in something beyond friendship. If received correctly, the sender probably won’t throw you an unexpected “Xoxo” anytime soon.^{[1]
X
Research source} Also try replying with:
- “Hugs!”
- A hugging emoji like 🫂 or 🤗
- Emoji O’s in place of letters, like “⭕ ⭕ ⭕”

2

"Aww"

Use this to show you appreciate the thought, but don’t want any hugs or kisses. This is another friendly way to gently let the sender down without having to directly tell them you’re not interested in a relationship with them. It’s a clearer message than “Ooo!” and the sender will hear it loud and clear.
- Try “Aww” without an exclamation point to seem less enthusiastic.
- “That’s sweet” or “How nice of you!” send a similar message.
- If possible, change the subject or respond to something else the sender said after your “Aww” to continue the conversation and move past the sender’s potential embarrassment.

3

"You’re a good friend."

Use a compliment to deflect an unwanted “Xoxo” from a friend. This shows that you genuinely care about and like the sender as a friend, but don’t want to have a discussion about being more. This one works best if you have a solid friendship already, but the other person is hinting that they’re interested in a romantic or physical relationship.^{[2]
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Research source} You could also say:
- “I’m glad we’re friends!”
- “Thanks for being there for me”
- “I really value you as a friend”

4

"Yuck!"

Say this as a joke to start some banter with a friend. Context is everything, so make sure they sent “Xoxo” to be funny or get a rise out of you before sending back a sarcastic reply. Warning: they will probably have some equally funny jabs to make at you too! Try comical replies like:
- A fake-aggressive rebuff (with an emoji for laughs) like, “Aw hell no! 😂”
- A playful acknowledgement like “🤗 💜 😅”
- Emojis that show their faux affection is making you sick, like “🤢🤢🤢” or “🤮🤮🤮”
- An exaggerated, overly affectionate reply can be funny. For example, “omg I love you sooo much, hugs and kisses forever my darling, I can’t wait to gaze upon you once more my heavenly angel”

5

"When can I get a non-virtual hug?"

Use this for people you actually want to hug when you see them. This is great for friends, family, or a partner where hugging or kissing is a part of your relationship. If a crush sends you an “Xoxo,” say this as a flirty hint that you want to spend some time together. Hopefully their next text will have a time and a place! Also try:
- “Virtual hugs aren’t enough!”
- “You hug so much better in person” or “Your kisses are better in real life” (for a crush or partner)
- “Let’s get together so I can hug you for real!”

6

"I love you!"

This is a good response to a partner, family member, or close friend. Use this whenever you’re sure that the feeling is mutual between you and the sender (it’d be awkward to text this to an acquaintance who uses “Xoxo” casually!). “Xoxo” is lovey-dovey by nature, so this is a totally valid reply.
- Try something like “Love ya!” to be more casual.
- Use slang or an acronym like “ily” for friends.
- Add emojis like ❤️ or 😍 to your message. A red heart has romantic connotations, so try a different colored heart for friends.

7

"Xoxo"

Say it back when you want to match the sender’s feelings. Send this to people you actually hug and kiss in real life who know what you mean, like close friends or a romantic partner, or to a crush that you’d like to get closer with. Sending this back to someone you’re not interested sends a mixed message, so be selective with your “Xoxo’s.” Also try:
- “Back at ya!” for a friendly, casual response
- “Xoxo to you too!” to be more energetic and personal
- “Xoxoxo” as a jokey way to say “Even more hugs and kisses to you!”
- Try a string of flirty emojis like “💙 😍 😘” or “🔥 😏 💋” if you’re replying to a crush or partner

8

"xx"

Send some X’s to reciprocate the sender’s kisses. It can be interpreted as a playful smooch to friends, or a genuine kiss to a crush or a partner. Some people even use it as a casual sign off in all of their texts.
- One “x” is interpreted as a casual, platonic kiss to a friend, family member, or partner. It might not even be viewed as symbolizing a real kiss.
- “xx” or “XX,” means a real kiss. This is best for sending to a partner or a crush you want to get closer with.
- “xxx” or “XXX” suggests a little more than just a kiss. Save this for someone you’d kiss and then some.

9

"That made me smile 😊"

If the sender is a crush, tell them your genuine positive reaction. They probably sent it because they want to hug or kiss you too, so if you’re into that, let them know! In these flirty situations, a little honesty is endearing and refreshing (and clears up a lot of ambiguity!).^{[3]
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Research source} Show your real reaction with phrases like:
- “Aw, I’m blushing 😊”
- “That just put such a big smile on my face”
- “The butterflies in my stomach right now are no joke!”

10

"I miss you!"

This is a good response for anyone you genuinely want to see or talk to. It could be a friend or family member you haven’t connected with in a while, or a partner who’s out of town for work or busy with another obligation. There’s a chance this one could be misinterpreted as “I want to hug and kiss you too!” so try to save this for people who won’t misread the message as you wanting more. Try similar replies like:
- “It’s been so long since we’ve gotten together!”
- “We should catch up soon!”
- “Long time no see! What are you up to these days?”

11

"What does that mean? 😉"

Use this to tease your crush into admitting their feelings for you. If you’re flirting, this question is a fun way to set up some playful banter. Add a flirty emoji, like a winking face or a puzzled look, to keep things lighthearted and fun. Just be prepared with a coy answer in case they reply “I don’t know, what do you think it means? 😏” back at you.^{[4]
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Research source} Try other banter-starting questions like:
- “Oh, is that so? 🧐”
- “only 2 kisses and 2 hugs??? 🥺”
- “Wait, I think I’ve seen XOXO before. Remind me what it means? 😏”

12

“You know we’re just friends, right?"

If you’re not flirting and are confused, clarify what the sender meant. Texting leaves a lot of room for interpretation, which is where the panic of deciding what to say comes from. If you genuinely aren’t sure what the sender’s angle is or are concerned you gave a mixed signal, just ask what they meant or state your position. It might be uncomfortable, but getting on the same page can save a lot of awkwardness and hurt feelings later on. Be polite but firm when you ask with phrases like:
- “Hey, I’m not totally sure what your xoxo means. I really enjoy your friendship and want to keep things how they are.”
- “Not sure what to make of the “xoxo.” I hope I didn’t give you the wrong idea.”
- “Do you send “xoxo” to all your friends? I want you to know that’s all we are right now.”

13

"Thanks, but I’m not interested in being more than friends."

This is a polite but assertive way to rebuff an unwanted “Xoxo.” If you’re pretty sure the person wants to be more than friends with you, say this to acknowledge their feelings but make your intention of staying just-friends absolutely clear. It might feel harsh or unnecessary at first, but that’s better than rolling with it and potentially leading the sender on. Add a reason for your decision if it feels justified, but your feelings alone are enough. Try saying something like:
- “Hey I appreciate that, but I’m really not looking for anything but friends right now.”
- “Thanks but I’m seeing someone right now, I don’t think the xoxo is appropriate”
- “Thanks for that. You’re really sweet, but I don’t see us being more than friends tbh”