How to Respond to an Angry Text from Your Ex

Co-authored by Amy Chan and Aly Rusciano

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References

You’re having a great day when you suddenly get an angry text from your ex—total mood buster. Communicating with an ex can be hard, especially when it seems like they’re nothing but angry all the time. You don’t owe them anything, so only respond to that angry text if you want to. If responding seems like a good idea, keep reading because we’ve compiled a list of ways you can respond to an angry text from an ex.

1

“I don’t want to fight.”

Send this message if you want to have a civil conversation. Your ex has probably sent you a slew of words you would’ve rather not read, but you can understand why they're frustrated—you’re frustrated too! But anger will get you both nowhere, especially if you want to try and be friends. Calmly let them know you’re in no mood to argue.^{[1]
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- “Arguing will get us nowhere. I don’t want to pick a fight.”
- “I’ll text you back when you can be civil.”
- “I’m not going to answer to that type of language.”

2

“We broke up. Stop texting me.”

Clarify that the relationship is over. Setting boundaries for yourself is extremely important, especially right after a break up. Clearly state that you’re done with the relationship and want them to stop contacting you. Be brief and kind no matter how angry or frustrated you are.^{[2]
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- “It’s been 2 months. Our relationship is over, so please stop texting me.”
- “We broke up a while ago, and I would appreciate it if you stopped contacting me.”
- “I’m done with this relationship, so leave me alone.”

3

“You need to leave me alone.”

Set clear boundaries with your ex. If you don’t want any form of communication with them, make sure you’re crystal clear. Calmly clarify that you don’t appreciate them sending you angry texts and you want them to stop. You are allowed to set limits, especially when it comes to your well being.^{[3]
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- “Our relationship is over. Please stop contacting me.”
- “I don’t appreciate getting these messages, and I would like you to stop.”
- “Your continued harassment is very upsetting. Stop.”

4

“I’m in a relationship.”

Shut down their hopes with this simple message. If they’re angry text is centered around their frustration of wanting to get back together, tell them they have no chance. Sharing that you’re in a relationship will let them know you’ve moved on. Now, you can message them this if you aren’t in a relationship, but be careful. Your ex may dig for proof, but remember that you’re under no obligation to tell them anything.
- “I’m dating someone else.”
- “Please stop texting me. I’m with someone else.”

5

“I’m sorry you feel that way.”

A calm, passive aggressive response might be enough to make them stop. If your ex sends you a long text about how angry they are at you, take a deep breath and remind yourself that they’re going through a lot too. Maybe you’re sorry, maybe you’re not. Either way, this response can let them know you saw and read their message but have no further comments.
- “I’m sorry to hear that.”
- “I’m sorry things ended the way they did, but it’s over now.”

6

“Could you tell me what I did to upset you?”

If you want to mend things with your ex, send them this message. Maybe they’ve sent you a long text about how hurt they feel. Remember, you are under no obligation to reply back, but if you want to try being friends with your ex, this reply could be an option. Ask them questions about the text to get more information: why they feel that way, and what they specifically mean. This can help you clarify what needs to be done to improve the relationship.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living
Go to source}
- “What do you mean by this?”
- “Is there something I can do or say that’ll make things better?”

7

“I understand why you’re feeling this way.”

Show a little empathy if you want to patch things up. Your ex is most likely going through it, just like you went through it after the break up, so acknowledge their feelings. If you feel like the relationship is worth mending, focus on communicating. Let them vent, but also know you have no obligation to as you set your own boundaries.^{[5]
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- “Things ended badly, so I understand your frustration.”
- “We both went down different paths. It’s okay to be angry.”

8

“This number has been disconnected.”

Send a fake error message to get them to stop texting you. Maybe they keep texting you and you just want it to stop but don’t know what to say. Type up a fake error and hit send. If they reply by saying they know it’s fake, ignore them to make them think it’s real.
- Block your ex’s number immediately, especially if they are harassing you.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Amy Chan
  Relationship Coach
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2019.}
- If the messages don’t stop, take screenshots and consider taking legal action.^{[7]
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  National Domestic Violence Hotline
  Organization providing lifesaving tools, support, and resources for victims and survivors of domestic abuse
  Go to source}

9

“I’m blocking your number.”

They may be looking for a reaction from you. If you’re torn between wanting to respond and wanting to ignore them, let them know you’ll be avoiding them from now on. This is a subtle way to tell them you got their text and have no interest moving forward with any kind of relationship.^{[8]
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- If your ex is being hostile, block their number immediately without responding. You don’t deserve to be criticized or gaslighted.

10

“I’m not the one you need to talk to. Get professional help.”

If your ex’s text has you worried, push them to get the help they need. Anger can often be a sign that there’s more going on under the surface.^{[9]
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- “I’m worried about you. Maybe it’s time you talk to a professional.”
- “There’s no shame in asking for help, and I’m not who you should be coming to.”

11

“Please stop contacting me, or I’ll call the police.”

If your ex is repeatedly texting you, share that you’re not afraid to take legal action. Harassment is behavior that is meant to cause alarm or distress.^{[10]
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Research source} Let your ex know you know your rights and that they’re breaking the law by continuously texting you. This will hopefully get them to stop, but if it doesn’t, don’t be afraid to contact authorities—you shouldn’t have to live in fear.^{[11]
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- “Stop texting me or I’ll take legal action.”
- “If you don’t stop texting me, I’m contacting the police.”