How to Respond when a Guy Blows You Off

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Madeleine Flamiano

Last Updated: November 30, 2022 References

If a guy keeps blowing you off, it’s hard to know what to do. Do you text and ask what’s up, or do you just wait until he gives you a good explanation? Your best move is to focus on self-respect and strong boundaries. We’ll walk you through how to stay calm when you communicate with him. Try out these tips to empower yourself and tell him you know your worth.

1

Don’t take his behavior personally.

It has everything to say about him and nothing about you. Whether he gave you a weak excuse or he just hasn’t stayed in touch—that’s on him. Remember that you can never control someone’s actions. Refuse to blame yourself—it’s the best way to keep a positive attitude and protect your feelings.^{[1]
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- He may also just be busy and have a packed schedule—that comes down to his lifestyle.
- Being MIA or inconsiderate might just be a pattern of his.
- He might not understand his habits are confusing, but that’s not your fault.

2

Focus on self-care before you reach out.

Decompress so you won’t chat when you're stressed. If you reach out immediately because you think he blew you off, the situation can escalate really quickly. Instead, treat yourself to whatever makes you happy, like some good comfort food or a fun activity. You’ll put yourself in a good head space and handle any talk gracefully.^{[2]
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- Try sleeping on it for 2-3 days—consistently getting 8 hours of rest is important, anyway.
- Exercise will help get your body moving, your eyes off your phone, and your mind off of him.
- Focus on your passions and you might realize you’d prefer to work on yourself.

3

Avoid double-texting.

He’s likely to avoid a ton of messages. It’s tempting to send off some cute or funny texts to see if he’ll take the bait. Still, if isn’t responding to one text, he isn’t likely to reply to another. Stay silent for a bit and show that you’re too confident to fight for his attention.^{[3]
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- If he only ever sent one-liners before, more texts from you just show you’ll put in all the effort.
- If he never initiates convos, it’s a big sign he’s not willing to put in work for any connection.
- There’s a chance he’ll notice less texts from you and wonder if he should try a little harder.

4

Just ask if he’s actually interested.

You’ll get the truth ASAP. A direct approach is all you need to get all the right intel. Send a simple, laidback message without expectations. Check in about where his head’s at and if he wants to pursue anything with you by using a comment like:^{[4]
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- “Haven’t heard from you in a while. Do you still want to hang out?”
- “Hey, are you feeling any chemistry here?”
- “Are you still interested in dating?”

5

Accept his answer at face value.

Save yourself time and don’t look for hidden clues. If 2-3 days go by and he doesn’t respond, take his silence as your cue that he’s not interested. On the other hand, if he explains that he’s been busy, overwhelmed, or preoccupied, give him the benefit of the doubt. It’s just easier on you if you don’t pick his message apart or rehash the past.^{[5]
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- If he’s “ghosted” you because you asked a question, you’re better off without him.
- If he calmly explains he doesn’t feel chemistry, take it as a sign of honesty and respect.
- If he did get caught up in personal matters, you can decide if his lifestyle is compatible with yours later.

6

Keep your emotions out of the discussion.

Remain calm and logical so you’ll have the upper hand. If he left you on “read” or just fell out of contact, then you don’t have to say anything. When his reply checks out with you, thank him for following up. In situations where he provides an explanation that doesn’t really make sense or just laughs everything off, keep it simple with comments like:^{[6]
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- “Okay, got it!”
- “I understand.”
- “Thank you for letting me know.”
Expert Answer

Q

How do you tell if someone is using you emotionally?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

EXPERT ADVICE

Answer from Joshua Pompey:

Listen to your instincts! A lot of times, people's instincts will tell them that person is not that interested, and there will be plenty of signs that the person is not treating them well or acting right.

7

Calmly express your boundaries.

He’ll know exactly how you expect to be treated. Whether you decide he’s not right for you or you want to give him another chance, outline your limits. Say why you aren’t a great match if you think he’s let you down. If you still want to explore your connection, tell him what you need to make it sustainable for you.
- If you’re not feeling it anymore, be specific and say something like, “I need someone who’s more available.”
- If you do want to give it another shot, you can set a limit like, “I need you to give me a heads up if you’re swamped with work.”

8

Don’t argue with him.

If he won’t accept your terms, just move on. If he tries to talk you out of what you want or gets really defensive, don’t engage with him. Politely explain that it’s best for you to part ways or delete his phone number. You’ll save yourself a lot of energy.
- If you haven’t heard back from him and want to vent, call up a friend instead. The conversation will be a lot more productive.

9

Spend time with your friends.

Focus your energy on people you trust 100%. It can be really draining after you’ve dealt with a guy that didn’t treat you right. Recharge by reaching out to anyone who will lift you up. Your inner circle will remind you you’re cherished and loved.^{[7]
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- If your buddies focus on giving you fun distractions, try not to mention the guy who blew you off at all. Just melt into the moment and appreciate the good company.

10

Stay off his social media.

Don’t fall down a rabbit hole—you don’t want your mind stuck on him. Resist even one quick peek. If you stay strong and don’t scroll through all his platforms, you’ll be able to forget him a lot more easily.
- If it helps you fight the temptation, you can just block him.
- Try catching up on your friends’ posts and see what they’re all up to.
- Follow new accounts or interesting influencers for new content to focus on.

11

Remember your worth.

He doesn’t define you—only you do. After falling out of touch with a guy you like, it’s understandable to feel a little insecure. Focus on all the amazing personality traits you have. No matter how he treated you, remember that you’re still an incredible individual who has so much to offer the world.^{[8]
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- Separate his rejection, which is an unrelated situation, from who you are as a person.
- By disappearing, he lets you pursue a more rewarding love life.
- Repeat a mantra, or uplifting phrase. Say something like, “I’m really caring, and I deserve kindness in return.”

12

Date people who respect your time.

You won’t have to worry about being blown off again! Use your run-in with this guy as a lesson—think about all the signs he left for you. That way, you can watch out for them in the future. Maybe he left you on “read” for weeks or canceled on a ton of dates. Look for potential partners who act completely differently from him and who value you instead. You’ll be glad for that refreshing change.^{[9]
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- Check in with yourself and schedule dates when you feel emotionally ready.
- Pay attention to the way a guy follows up with you before the first date—for example, if he regularly texts about where and when you’ll meet, it’s a good sign that he’s reliable.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you know if a guy is playing with your emotions?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

The signs are pretty obvious—he might disappear for days, refuse to commit to things, always make plans at the last second, and/or be unwilling to get intimate after multiple dates have gone by.