How to Send a Flirty Text Message

Co-authored by Julia McCurley

Last Updated: April 15, 2022 References

The hard part is already over. You got their number. Your adrenaline is flowing, your vision blurs, and you escape just before you engage in actual conversation. You get home, make a fresh pot of coffee, build a fire, and a pull a book of poetry from your tasteful library. But wait!... Do you text them first? Should you wait it out? Do you profess your complete and undying love immediately? Or should you just mention how good they looked in those skinny jeans? Whatever you do, there are a few things to remember when sending a flirty text message.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Conveying Genuine Interest

1
Text like you mean it. Your genuine interest in another person is the most attractive and meaningful message you could possibly send. Don’t play games by being intentionally vague. Read all of your texts to yourself before sending them. Ask yourself if it’d be a text you’d be happy to receive.
- If the person knows you’re interested, and they’ve reciprocated their interest in you as well, you don’t have to say much to get them smiling. Try, “Thinking of you.”
- If you’re feeling more direct, go with “Wish you were here.” This is more forward, as it explicitly indicates your desire to be in someone’s company. It also adds an element of intrigue if the recipient doesn’t know what you’re up to, so you’ll get their imagination whirring.
- Know that we’re all in this together. That includes whomever you’re texting. Just relax and be yourself - be simple, be honest, be true.^{[1]
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2
Rely heavily on humor. It’s always best to shoot for a smile, and even better if you can get your crush laughing. Be casual. Don’t overthink it. Remember, we’re talking about texting.
- Be a cheeseball. Quote something ridiculously melodramatic or throw a ridiculously cheesy pick up line out there.^{[2]
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- There’s nothing like a bit of Shakespeare or Thoreau. Emerson once declared, “Thou art to me a delicious torment.” Steal lines like this (and credit them to the appropriate authors for added drama).
- There are some officially bad pick-up lines that will almost should never work, and that’s the point – which means they somehow work. Making light of your affection for someone can be a great way to convey interest casually. There are some classics, but you probably already have a go-to in mind.
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3
Use your words. Don’t abbreviate everything. It can be misleading, confusing, and may even seem a bit childish. You can get away with “lol” – it’s practically a part of the English language – but don’t send acronyms or abbreviations your recipient might not familiar with it. If you’re interested in them, the least you can do is thumb out complete words. Relatedly, be aware that emoticons should not completely take the place of words.
- Cap your emoji-use. There is definitely, definitely such a thing as too many emoticons. Personal preference is a legitimate argument here, but don’t forget to occasionally mention that you’re interested in having a genuine conversation if they would too.^{[3]
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- Comedy is the only realm in which it is appropriate to overuse emoticons. In particular, feel free to indulge in storytelling with emoticons. If you can wind together a solid, ideally humorous narrative using only tiny 2D images, by all means, emoji-away.
- Even emoticons are getting raunchy these days. Hold off on the emoji innuendos until you have an appropriate relationship with someone who might appreciate your smiley face based sultriness.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Maintaining Respect While Articulating Affection

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Take photos of the fun, unique activities you do. This can sometimes include photos of yourself, especially at impressive locations, doing interesting things, or when you have a pre-established understanding regarding photo exchanges. Or take photos of the random things or moments that remind you of your crush. Send these along, with a quick note to provide some context. Again, don’t overthink it, just let your crush know you’re thinking about them.
- For example, if you go on a hike and catch the sunset, send your favorite photo along with something like, “Hey! Check it out: another epic battle between the mighty sun and the steadfast horizon. Who’s your money on?”
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Limit the selfies. Sending photos via text can be an absolute blast, but they should convey something interesting or thoughtful. Don’t pepper all your love interests with unsolicited, non-stop photos of yourself as soon as you get their number. Don’t do it. Just… don’t do it.
- If you are the selfie-taking type, that’s great, but make sure the recipient of your selfies actually wants them before you send them. If they don’t, you’re probably just making it seem like you like taking photos of yourself.
- One way to tell if someone may be interested in receiving selfies is by examining their social media. If they’re a big fan of selfies themselves, you’ll be able to tell pretty quickly, and you can rest assured they probably feel that selfies are a legitimate way of presenting oneself. They might even be interested in seeing other people’s selfies too. You should still make sure.
3
Watch your mouth. The bravado facilitated by interacting with someone through a screen sometimes gives us the momentary courage to text someone we’ve had a hard time convincing ourselves to talk to. This is great, because it can get the romantic ball rolling. That being said, communicating via text does not give you the liberty to say whatever you want.
- If it’s not something you’d say to someone in real life, don’t say it via text.
- Maybe it’s easier to ask your crush out on a date via text than in person – there’s nothing wrong with that. If you do go this route, be respectful about it. Understand that they may rather have that type of conversation in person, especially if its someone you see frequently or already know.
4
Don’t be creepy. Don’t risk comments that may be misunderstood. You may be intending humor, but texting off-color jokes like, “your bedroom looks good from your backyard” is equally likely to elicit a restraining order as it is a response. Though you may be wondering about your crush’s interest in going straight from texting to the bedroom, there are better ways to gauge someone’s interest in you than making questionable comments.
- Hold off on the seduction attempts. If the person you’re texting is at all interested in you, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to tell them how fine they look or how much you’d like to nibble on their ear. Even if you’re just looking for a casual, predominantly physical relationship, you need to determine whether that’s even a possibility before bursting in guns-a-blazing.
- It’s poor form – both in terms of mature behavior and in terms of effectiveness in actually seducing someone – to immediately make sexual comments or implications of any type.
- Don’t just booty text people. Texting people late at night is fine if you have an established relationship, but if you only tend to text someone later in the evening, they may feel as though you’re only interested in one thing.^{[4]
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5
Keep a firm grasp on reality. Sure, it can be fun to stare at your phone imagining what your crush is doing, but knowing that they’re probably just re-reading your texts and that they’ll respond any second now. It’s also supremely exciting when you feel a buzz in your pocket and immediately assume it’s definitely a witty response to your witty text and not just a weather update.
- If you become angry because someone has not responded, you need to sit down and do some serious reflection. Do not ever continue sending increasingly angrier text messages. Recognize that no one owes anybody a response to a text message.
- Similarly, don’t be discouraged if you don’t get a quick response. Your crush may be busy, or they may simply not feel like dealing with a cell phone for a while. Respect people enough to know that they have life outside of the realm of their pocket computer.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Following Up on Successful Flirtation

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Say goodnight. “Sleep tight,” might work, but a bit of creativity can go a long way here. It’s intimate to text in the evening, as you may be the last person your crush interacts with before drifting off to sleep. “Sweet dreams,” is also an old standby, but if you’re feeling more forward, you can always go with “Trying to fall asleep, but I can’t stop thinking about you.”^{[5]
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2
Act on mutual interest. This is the simplest step of the article: actually go out with the person you’re so hype about texting with. You’re already standing on lava, why not dive into the volcano? After a few rounds of compliments and wisecracks, ask your crush if they’d like to meet up. If nothing else, you’ll have more to text about after a real world interaction.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.}
- You’ve got options. There’s the tried and true, “What are you up to tonight/ tomorrow night/ this weekend?” The implied spontaneity of deciding to get together on a whim can make meeting seem more casual, and allows your crush the space to respond casually.
- Alternatively, asking “Can you sneak away for coffee?” adds the intrigue of the unexpected, and can get your crush thinking about you for the rest of the day even if they’re unable to meet up.^{[7]
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- Be explicit. If you invite someone to hangout, specify what you have in mind. At least mention a place, a day, or an activity. You don’t have to plan a whole date in one text, but you should at least accompany an invitation with an idea.^{[8]
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- Before a date, let your crush know you’re excited. Be explicit. Try, “I’m really looking forward to tonight.”^{[9]
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Reaffirm your admiration after an enjoyable date. The date went well? (I knew you could do it.) What did you talk about? Did your crush say something especially interesting, or tilt their head in a way that caught the streetlight just right? If so, mention it.^{[10]
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Expert Source

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Expert Interview. 30 September 2021.}
- Say things like… “You looked great tonight,” but also mention more substantial aspects of your affection by saying things like, “I really liked how you described ________.”
4
Follow up sensual encounters. So you’ve spent an evening together. It went exactly how you’d hoped, and you’re hoping for more. You don’t have to immediately start texting about sex positions or genitalia. Go more for reaffirmations of contentment and attraction. ^{[11]
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- Here’s a few examples: “Last night was incredible,” “I’ve been thinking about you all day,” or “It really turned me on when you______.”
- Even better: “Can’t wait to see you again,” or “I have a feeling our next date will be even better.”
- Describe the sensations you’re feeling. You know they’re into you. You’re into them. It’s time to text about it. Send a series of messages, with each one describing a different sensation you’re feeling, or that they’ve made you feel. Be creative, and reference the time you’ve spent together and specific experiences you’ve shared.^{[12]
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Expert Q&A

Question

Is "I miss you" better than "I wish you were here"?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.

Julia McCurley

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

So long as you make it clear that you've been thinking about them, it shouldn't matter too much. The goal is to make someone think that you're into them without overplaying your hand, so either one works!
Question

Is it okay to text a crush first?

Julia McCurley
Certified Professional Matchmaker
Julia McCurley is a Certified Professional Matchmaker, Relationship Coach, and the CEO of Something More, Austin's premier matchmaking service. She has been creating happy couples in Austin for over 12 years and has helped hundreds of singles on their journey to finding love. Her blogs have been published on the Huffington Post, Good Men Project, SheKnows, Emlovz, and The Dating Truth. She also just published her first book, Game Set Match: A Professional Matchmaker's Advice on How to Win At the Game Of Love. Julia holds a BA in Business and Communications from The University of Puget Sound and received her Master Executive Matchmaker Certification from The Matchmaking Institute.

Julia McCurley

Certified Professional Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Yes! If you want to start a conversation, go ahead and do it. The "hard to get" thing isn't going to work over text and you should never assume that they don't want to talk to you just because they haven't reached out first.
Question

Why do people overuse exclamation points when texting?

Community Answer

Exclamation points are used to communicate tone. If someone texted you "Hey" it might come across as bored or disinterested. Saying "Hey!" instead is more lively and pleasant.