11 Tips to Get His Attention Back

Co-authored by Lisa Shield and Hunter Rising

Last Updated: June 16, 2022 References

Have you been chatting with a guy over text and he doesn't seem as interested as he used to? If a guy thinks you’re messaging him too much, he might back off and stop trying as hard. So will you get his attention back if you stop texting him? This trick can be a great way to reel him back in, so keep reading for everything you need to know about playing hard to get so he reaches out at any chance he gets!

1

Send fewer texts to him.

Reaching out less rather than cutting him off makes a guy miss you. You don’t have to completely stop texting to get his attention — just slow down how often you reach out. Shoot him a text once or twice a week instead of every day so he has a little more space. Since you aren’t messaging as often, he’ll be curious about what you're up to and want to chat.^{[1]
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- If you stop texting him completely, he may think that you’ve moved on and aren’t interested in him anymore.

2

Wait for a reply before messaging him again.

Double-texting a guy might seem like you’re over-eager for his reply. If a guy still hasn’t texted you back yet, resist the urge to ask him where he is or if he saw your message. There’s a chance that he’s actually busy and can’t get to his phone, so give him a chance to respond. Once he does reach out again, you don’t have to respond to him right away.^{[2]
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- Make him wait around the same amount of time between messages. He’ll probably realize that he wants to chat more often than that.
- Spacing out conversations instead of texting all the time can build attraction, especially when first meeting someone.
- Sending more than 1 followup will not only make you seem desperate, but could also annoy the other person if they don’t want to talk.

3

Let him initiate conversations.

Put the ball in his court so he has to make the first move. If you’re always the one to reach out first and start the conversation, try waiting it out. When he notices that you haven’t said hi or checked in, he’ll start missing how fun it was to message you and shoot you a text.^{[3]
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4

Leave some of his messages on read.

When you're unpredictable, he'll get more excited when you reach out. If his texts aren’t super time-sensitive, then it’s okay to read his text without responding. Put your phone on silent or turn it off so you aren’t tempted to check your phone or reach out to him. He might even text you again to really try and get your attention.^{[4]
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- Later in the day, you can always respond that you were busy so it doesn’t seem like you completely ignored him.

5

Reply with vague details.

He’ll want to keep texting so he can learn more about you. Guys love it when you act a little mysterious, so avoid telling him every detail about what you’re doing. Give him a brief idea of the things that you’ve been up to, but end the message on a cliffhanger so he asks you to tell him more.^{[5]
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- “I was just hanging out with friends and we had SO much fun this weekend. It got pretty wild…”
- “Hey! I’ve been pretty good. I’ve been working on a super secret project that I’m really excited for 😊”
- “I guess we’ll have to go out sometime if you want to hear the rest of the story 😉”

6

Respond positively to messages you like.

A positive response lets him know what messages he should send you. A guy doesn’t give you a lot to work with when he puts little effort into his text, so don’t feel like you have to reply to him. When he sends a thoughtful message and shows genuine interest in you, reward him with a really enthusiastic response to show him that’s what you want from the conversation.^{[6]
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- If he asks questions about a good day you mentioned: “Thanks for asking! 😊 I had a lot of fun just going out and hiking with some friends! It could have been better with you there though 😏”
- If he sends you a message about how he’s doing: “It’s so good to hear from you!! I’m glad that you’re doing well too 🙂”
- If he asks you on a planned-out romantic date: “That is so so sweet!! 🥰 I would love to go with you!”

7

Focus on yourself and other relationships.

A guy will want to chat more if you have a life outside of the relationship. Spend time doing your favorite hobbies and building your other relationships so you can become the best person you can be. He’ll realize that you’ve got a really interesting life and he’ll want to get to know you more for it.^{[7]
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- If he asks you to hang out or do something, you could say something like, “Hey! That sounds fun, but I have plans to go volunteer with my bestie today. Let’s catch up soon though! 🙂”
- If you’re texting a guy constantly, he may not realize that you spend your days doing lots of fun and exciting things.

8

Post what you’ve been up to on social media.

He’ll want to talk to you when he sees how exciting your life is. Write a status or post a pic with the most exciting things that you’ve done recently. If the guy follows you, he’ll see what he’s missing out on and will want to focus more of his time and energy toward you.^{[8]
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- Your post could show you going on vacation, hanging out with friends, finishing a passion project, or just a really flattering selfie.

9

Try light flirting with some other guys.

The guy will reach out often if he thinks there’s competition. Don’t be afraid to post a harmless flirty comment on someone’s social media or compliment another guy. When word gets back to the guy that you’re into, then he might step up his game to show you that he’s worth your time.^{[9]
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- You could even take pics of yourself with other people and share them online.
- Flirting can be a little risky since the original guy might think that you’re not interested in him anymore. Don't take it too far.

10

Move on if you don’t feel the connection anymore.

You may realize you didn’t have a strong bond once you’re not chatting. Some distance from the guy you’re into will help you realize what you really want and need from a relationship. If he hasn’t reached out at all or if your feelings have changed for him since you stopped talking, then it’s best to move on and start texting someone else. ^{[10]
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- There are probably a ton of people who are excited to talk to you, so don’t be afraid to put yourself out there!

11

Stay true to who you are.

A guy should like you no matter what your texting habits are. Even if you really want to get a guy’s attention, if you feel like you’re going against your values or changing your entire personality for him, then you aren’t giving him the chance to see the real you.^{[11]
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Expert Q&A

Question

How do I stop the urge of texting him?

Kristina Mirgorodskaya
Dating Expert
Kristina Mirgorodskaya is a Dating Coach and the Marketing Director of Amiccio, a New York City social app that helps singles make new connections. Amiccio connects singles by hosting parties, socials, beginners salsa, bachata, and tango classes, and speed dating events. With over four years of experience, Kristina specializes in leveraging people skills, cultivating welcoming environments, and intercultural communication. Her expertise allows her to easily bring people together. Kristina earned a degree in business from Baruch College.

Kristina Mirgorodskaya

Dating Expert

Expert Answer

Focus instead on being your best self! If you're really trying to get his attention, show off how you're attending interesting events, going to the gym, and just enjoying your life.