How to Stay Calm While Losing a Video Game

Co-authored by Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW

Last Updated: January 31, 2023 References

It’s happened to the very best of humankind: frustration. Your player is giving his all, but the clock is counting down and so is his energy. Despite your best efforts, you’re losing miserably. It requires every ounce of composure in your body to keep from throwing the device across the room with disgust. Video game rage is quite common. It can even lead to aggression outside of game-play.^{[1]
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Research source} Learn how to control your rage when you’re losing at a video game and stay calm.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Handling Frustration

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Master the easy levels first. It may seem silly to not skip over the easy stuff, but sometimes you pick up a valuable skill or trick on a lower level. Many times in video games, the easier levels are used to teach you a new function of the game play. This can be a new way to access secret parts of the game or even a new super power. Skipping over the lower levels via a game cheat code can mean you miss out on valuable insight. If it's an available game option, save often and before trying new alternatives so you can back out of any situation gone awry.^{[2]
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- Taking a break from a harder level you are getting frustrated with to play an easier level also gives your brain a break. The anger many people get from video games isn’t usually linked with the game content but instead the frustration.
- A lower level can also help you to find what made video games fun in the first place. While playing the lower level, focus on the music or graphics.
2
Practice deep breathing. There are several different ways to use your breathing to relax and also take a break from the focus on screen time. ^{[3]
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- Take a stimulating breath by breathing in and out quickly through your nose with your mouth relaxed but closed. Do three sets in about a second and then rest with normal breathing. You can do this for up to 15 seconds to give yourself a quick rejuvenating boost of oxygen.
- You can also try the 4-7-8 exercise. This starts with breathing out completely through your mouth, and then closing your mouth to breathe in through your nose four a mental count of 4 seconds. Now hold it in for 7 seconds and finally breathe out for 8 seconds. Repeat these steps for a set of 4 reps.
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3
Repeat a calming mantra. A mantra helps to refocus your brain on a more positive point than your anger or frustration. This can give your body and mind a much-needed break when the game gets tough.
- One example of a calming mantra may go as follows: while visualizing a swinging door, say out loud, “Thoughts and feelings come in and out like people. Be the door not the doorman.”
- Another example may include: with your eyes closed repeat, “imagine with each breath you are melting into an ocean of light and space.”
4
Release rage through physical activity. Step away and focus on using your muscles instead of your mind that’s been so focused on the game. Physical activity also releases endorphins that boost your mood.^{[4]
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- Taking a walk outside will give you access to fresh air, allow you to use more of your senses and also give your eyes a rest.
- For some people really working out hard and sweating has a cleansing feeling and can also be a boost since it releases chemicals to your brain that change your mood for the better.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Taking Breaks

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Call a friend to vent. This is a good time to analyze the problem at hand. Talking to a friend about how frustrated or annoyed you are may even lead to him or her giving you a suggestion as how to win that part of the game.
- Something as simple as hearing from your best friend that he or she didn’t like that part of the game or found it nearly impossible helps to tell you it’s not your fault.
2
Take a nap. Your frustration—and poor performance—may be mounting from lack of sleep. If you’ve been at it for hours, try getting some rest. Your reaction times and critical thinking skills will benefit.
- Prolonged video game play has been linked to several conditions that are tough physically on the body like obesity and heart disease. It may even be keeping you up at night; so catching up on your sleep is a good break from the game.^{[5]
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Eat a healthy snack. Sometimes when you focus too long on the game you may forget to eat and your blood sugar runs low. A piece of fruit, some nuts, or a granola bar may give you the nourishment and energy you need to power through a new session.
- As mentioned above, video games can also negatively impact your health so healthy eating combined with sleep will help.
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Fast from the game for a while. You may be at the point where you are so frustrated by the game that you are not able to concentrate, taking a break will help to fix this.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Hilary Jacobs Hendel, LCSW
Certified AEDP Psychotherapist & Emotions Educator
Expert Interview. 8 September 2021.} When you take a break try to focus on things you feel you are good at and have nothing to do with this game. Give yourself a boost to get your confidence back. ^{[7]
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- Tell yourself you won’t play for a full day, and stick to it.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Rethinking Failure

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Know that it’s a learning process. Accept the fact that you are improving and there will always be a learning curve. Stop beating yourself up over your idea of failure so much that you ignore the learning process. Give yourself the time to learn the game and recognize the growth process.
- Make trial and error a fun part of learning instead of something you dread. If you approach it more like a science experiment, it becomes fun to try something to see what happens. You may find some of your biggest discoveries start out as a failure.
2
Watch online tutorials for practical tips. There are several sites including YouTube that are great resources for tips and hacks. Online communities are also a great way to see other people like yourself who are out there struggling and beating the very same game you are struggling with. It can be done and you will figure it out.^{[8]
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3
Celebrate every small improvement in performance. If you normally would blow up or get really angry at the thought of not winning, even the fact that you are able to control that impulse is a win.
- Tracking your performance in a journal can help you to see the progress and may even show you patterns that you need to beat the game. Write down each trial and error, you never know which move will be the winning one.
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Don’t give up. The only sure fire way you will lose the game is to give up. Instead of focusing on “never” winning a certain level, learn to tell yourself you haven’t won the level “yet”. Simply changing your view of the challenge and future success will change the way you look at the progress you have made.

Warnings

Make sure that you're playing the right type of game. Some are poorly designed, not particularly fun and very frustrating to play. Check a gaming forum or go to a review website to avoid buying such games. You can also visit websites like www.gamespot.com and check out the games ratings, views of people who played it, and basically all the info you might want to get about it.

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Do not go into an angry fit and lash out at others. Try to tell yourself that it is only a game!

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Using cheats might get you addicted to playing it the easy way. Use them as little as possible. Rather, try to learn from online game guides and reviews.

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