How to Stay Faithful in a Relationship

Last Updated: January 27, 2023 References

Most people desire a relationship that consists of two partners who only have eyes for each other. Yet, many people enter relationships with the intention of being faithful and end up straying. Faithfulness requires communication and concentrated effort from both partners. What’s more, faithfulness is defined differently across relationships. To be faithful in your relationship, first figure out what that means to you and your partner. Then, resist common infidelity traps and strive to keep your relationship healthy.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Maintaining a Healthy Relationship

1
Communicate your needs to your partner and acknowledge theirs. Any healthy relationship is built on a foundation of communication. In addition to sharing your thoughts, feelings, opinions, and dreams, each partner should openly express their emotional needs. This prevents you from feeling unfulfilled and looking elsewhere.^{[1]
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- Have regular “checkups” in which both partners share their needs in the relationship. Then, brainstorm ways to meet these needs together.
- For example, you might say, “I know you don’t agree with my desire to return to work, but I really need you to support me.” A healthy partner might respond, “I can see that this is important to you. I will work past my own issues and do my best to support you. How can I show my support?”
2
Practice healthy conflict resolution. If one or both partners shy away from conflict, the health of the relationship is compromised. Don’t push problems under the rug. Face problems head-on to stop them from building up and threatening fidelity.
- If one of you doesn’t feel heard, you may turn to someone else for validation. Avoid this by facing your issues when they happen.
- First, acknowledge the hurt (e.g. “I was hurt when you said…”). Offer a solution (e.g. “I would appreciate it if you…”). Then, your partner should validate your feelings and work with you to come up with a workable solution.^{[2]
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3
Be loving and affectionate. Deep down, all humans have an innate desire to belong. Both partners want to feel loved and cared for in a relationship. When you neglect one another in this way, you risk the other seeking external sources to fill this void.
- Whether through verbal declarations (e.g. “I love you, sweetie.”) to hugs or kisses, be sure to show your partner that you love and care for them.^{[3]
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- If your partner does not say these types of things to you, then let them know that you would appreciate it if they started.
4
Keep the spark alive. Sex stimulates you emotionally just as it does physically, emphasizing your chemistry and connectedness. If you are hoping to stay faithful to your partner and vice versa, you should maintain an active and healthy sex life.
- Spice things up every once in a while by dressing up for a special date. Or, light candles and give each other back rubs. Another romantic option might include taking a long soak together in the tub while listening to music.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Overcoming Threats to Your Fidelity

1
Communicate your relationship status with your social network. A practical way to prevent affairs and affirm your commitment to your partner is by publicizing your relationship. When a relationship is kept secret, insecurities flourish. Show your partner you are committed to being faithful by telling your friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances that you’re “taken.”
- You can do this by updating your relationship status on social networks like Facebook or by simply introducing your partner at parties and events.
2
Build a circle of faithful and positive friends. There’s a popular saying when it comes to social groups that you’re the sum of the five people closest to you. That means if you’re surrounding yourself with cheaters, you’re more likely to become one. Clean up your social circle by forging connections with people who share the same values as you.
- If your friends and family members don’t have the same values as you and your partner, your relationship may suffer. Boost your chances of remaining faithful by being around people who are doing the same.^{[4]
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3
Enjoy separate and mutual interests. Healthy and happy couples maximize on quality time. There’s no better way to connect with your partner than by sharing hobbies or interests. Doing so increases your relationship satisfaction and strengthens your bond.^{[5]
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- At the same time, it’s also healthy to have some individual interests. Find a passion to pursue on your own, too. For example, you and your partner might enjoy traveling together, but on trips you have a separate interest of visiting art galleries.
4
Be mindful of how and to whom you vent. Sharing the ups and downs of a relationship may be par for the course in many circles. Both women and men do it. However, whining about your partner’s shortcomings could open the door for someone else.^{[6]
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- Avoid venting to other potential suitors about your mate. Find a healthier way to relieve tension and work through problems, like talking to your partner or journaling. Or, you might lean on a supportive friend or family member. However, keep in mind that some friends or family members might not be supportive and might just be looking for an opportunity to complain about them.
5
Be responsible with drugs and alcohol. If you’re already straying emotionally from your partner, substance use may offer the final push that bumps you across the line. Skip the drinks and drugs and you might avoid feeling regret later.^{[7]
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- If you are turning to drugs and/or alcohol to cope with the relationship, then it might be best to separate from the person because this is an indication that the relationship has progressed to a very negative point.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Defining Faithfulness in Your Relationship

1
Define your personal values. Your values are the beliefs and principles that drive your life and your decisions. When you have a firm grasp on your personal values, you are less likely to stray from them. Discover what your values are so that you can stand by them—and your partner.
- Spend some time thinking about the key characteristics that are most important to you. How would a friend describe you? What issues are you most willing to stand up for? What aspects of life make you feel really satisfied?
- Answering a few questions like these can help you uncover your personal values. Examples of values might include honesty, compassion, forgiveness, and family.
2
Think about the type of relationship you want. Faithfulness can mean many things—from not becoming physically intimate with someone other than your partner to prioritizing other people or things over your partner. You can lessen your chances of straying physically, emotionally, or mentally by figuring out what you want.^{[8]
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- One way to figure out what you want is to review your past relationships. What was missing in these relationships? Why did they end?
- Now, think about how you love your partners (e.g. clingy, trusting, idolizing, etc.). Now, think about the kind of partner you desire (e.g. emotionally stable, wealthy, family-oriented).
3
Have a candid discussion with your partner. If you’re in a relationship with someone, the two of you must work together to keep infidelity away. Arrange for a time to sit down and talk with your beloved about what’s considered ‘unfaithful’ in your book.
- You might say, “Since we have decide to be exclusive, I want to make sure all our cards are on the table. I think it will save us problems later if we can clarify our non-negotiables when it comes to infidelity. What does the word ‘unfaithful’ mean to you in a relationship?”
- Both of you should share your views and come to an agreement about what classifies as cheating or infidelity in your relationship. After this discussion, you both can feel secure in knowing that your partner knows which behaviors you find unacceptable.^{[9]
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- Keep in mind that if your disagreements are significant, then you may not be able to rebuild your relationship.

Expert Q&A

Question

What does it mean to be faithful in a relationship?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Each couple defines for themselves what "being faithful" in their relationship means. For many, it may mean sexual fidelity. For others, it may mean only casual sexual encounters with others outside of the primary relationship. Faithful would mean staying within the norms that are set by the couple for their relationship and letting the other person know when and if they violate it.
Question

Why is important to be faithful?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It is important to be faithful because relationships are built on trust. There is a quality of "we" that is established that sets the couple apart from others. Faithfulness can mean different things to different couples.
Question

How can I be loyal to my boyfriend?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

Being loyal to your boyfriend means trusting and believing them even when others say negative things about him. It could also mean standing up for them in front of others.