How to Tell Work About a Death in Your Family

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP and Janice Tieperman

Last Updated: December 1, 2022 References

Losing a family member is incredibly difficult, and the last thing you probably want to think about is your work schedule. Loss is a big mental and emotional stressor, so it’s completely understandable that you’ll need to spend time away to grieve with your loved ones. Try to break the news to your boss in person as soon as possible, or send an email if you’re away from the workplace. What matters most is that you’re clear about how much time you’ll need off, and when you plan on coming back.

Things You Should Know

Review your company's bereavement policy to see if you can get any paid time off.
Break the news to your boss in person or over email and share how much time off you'll need.
Share the news with your coworkers and get coverage if you need it.

Method 1

Method 1 of 2:

Breaking the News to Your Boss

1
Follow your company’s bereavement leave policy if they have one. Flip through any manual or pamphlet your employer has on time off, such as bereavement, or time off specifically designed for grieving. See if your company allows paid time off for bereavement, or if you can take personal days. Check over this policy before you speak with your boss or Human Resources (HR) representative.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.}^{[2]
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- Your employer will most likely let you have time off regardless, but it helps to know if you’re entitled to paid leave.
- This can also help inform you of who you should talk to about taking time off.^{[3]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
  Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
  Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.}
- If you don’t have a handbook or manual on hand, ask your boss or HR rep if they can provide one.
2
Set aside time to talk with your boss or HR rep. Pop into your manager or HR rep’s office and ask them if you can have a few minutes of their time. If your workplace is really busy, you may want to call their work number, or break the news via email instead. Choose a method that will work well for you personally.^{[4]
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- For instance, you can say something like: “Hey! Could I have a moment of your time? I have something I need to talk to you about.”
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3
Tell or email your boss that a family member passed away. Break the news as simply and eloquently as you can. Don’t worry about looking or sounding emotional—it’s completely okay to be vulnerable and upset while you’re grieving. Let your boss or HR rep know that a loved one passed away recently, and that you’ll need some time off to grieve and go to the funeral.^{[5]
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- For instance, you can say something like: “I just wanted to reach out and let you know that my uncle recently passed away, and I’ll need 3-5 days off to be with my family and attend the funeral.”
- lf you’re close with a lot of people at your work, tell your boss when and where the funeral will be. For instance, you can say something like: “My grandmother’s funeral will be at Springfield Community Church on May 9th. You can arrive at 6:00 PM for the viewing, or 7:00 PM for the actual service.”
- If you don't want to share details, you could say something like, "I've had a family emergency and I need to take some time off."^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
  Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
  Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.}
4
Specify how much time you’ll need off. Factor in how much time the grieving process will take you, including mental health days and funeral planning. Mention the bereavement leave policy if your company has one, or specify how many personal days you’ll need to take care of your affairs. Don’t stress about the nitty-gritty details—what matters most is communicating with your boss and being honest about what you need.^{[7]
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Expert Source

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Expert Interview. 29 November 2021.}^{[8]
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Research source}
- For example, you can say something like: “In accordance with the company’s bereavement leave policy, I’ll be taking 5 days off to plan and prepare for my cousin’s funeral.”
- You can also say something like: “Due to the funeral preparations, I won’t be back to work until the 5th.”
5
Let your boss know if they can share the news with other employees. Tell your boss if you’d like the news to be kept private, or if they can share it with other people at the workplace. Specify if other employees are welcome to attend the funeral, or if the service will only be a family affair. Keep in mind that your boss cannot share any of your personal information unless you give them specific permission.^{[9]
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6
Send an email to make your request official if you haven’t already. Draft out your request for time off, including the reasons you’ll be away and for how long. Specify the company’s bereavement policy, if necessary, or if you’re planning on taking personal days. Send the email to your boss, along with whoever manages an employee’s time off, like an HR rep.^{[10]
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- If you’ve broken the news via email, you don’t need to worry about sending an additional email unless your boss or HR rep asks you to.
- Some companies may want you to submit your request in writing.

Method 2

Method 2 of 2:

Dealing with Co-Workers and Clients

1
Reach out to other coworkers and let them know what’s going on. Take time to speak in person or email your other workers to give them a heads-up on what’s going on in your life. Let them know that you’re not going to be around for a few days to mourn the loss of a loved one. Your coworkers will be happy to lend a listening ear if you need it!^{[11]
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- For example, you can say something like: “Hey! I recently lost my grandfather and am going to be away from work from June 8th through the 11th. Thank you so much for your understanding!”
2
Plan for someone to cover your shifts or workload if necessary. Talk to your coworkers, if necessary, and ask if they can cover your shifts or make up some of the work you’ll be missing. Depending on the workplace, your boss may be fine with your job being vacant while you’re gone. In some cases, your boss or manager may make these arrangements instead.^{[12]
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- For instance, if you work in a service industry, like retail or a restaurant, see if someone can cover your shifts while you’re away.
3
Set up an auto-responder for your work email if you have one. Check your email settings and draft a default email that will go to anyone who emails you over a certain period of time. Be as specific or vague as you’d prefer, so anyone trying to get in touch knows that you aren’t available.^{[13]
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- For instance, you can say something like, “Greetings! I’m currently dealing with an urgent family matter and won’t be back until the 20th. Please expect a response back after that time, or call me at 860-555-2783 if there’s an emergency.”

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you inform a coworker of a death in the family?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Answer

Don’t feel like you must explain the entire situation to colleagues, especially if it’s something that’s personal. If you need time off, talk to your superiors and share as much as you can comfortably do so.
Question

Can you miss work if a family member dies?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Answer

Yes! Depending on how supportive your job is, an email and or phone call should be sufficient to let them know that you have a family emergency that may require some time off. Make sure to notify the proper departments at work in accordance with HR policies and procedures, though.