How to Tell a Boy You Like Him

Co-authored by Collette Gee

Last Updated: January 24, 2023 References

If you have a crush^{[1]
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Research source} on a boy, you might want to tell him you like him. He may have no idea! Telling him, while scary, could further your friendship and help sort out how you feel. Doing it in a dignified, attractive way will show him who you really are, flatter him, and pave the way for a possible relationship.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Telling Him in Person

1
Pick the right moment. Timing is everything, as the old saying goes. "Make time for a casual exchange when both of you aren't preoccupied with something else."
- Try to get him alone. If he's surrounded by his or your friends , he might respond based on their presence, and not based on how he actually feels. Don't worry if you can't catch him alone, though — just quietly ask if he has a minute to chat privately.
- Don't rush. You don't want to be nervous or hurried. Asking him as you're trying to speed walk or run to class, or he's on his way to an doctor or dentist appointment, is a recipe for disaster. Instead, choose a time when you have some flexibility, like after school or at lunch.
- Pay attention to his mood. If he seems particularly grumpy or quiet, it might be best to wait for another chance.
2
Start a conversation. This may feel tough, but it can be surprisingly simple. An open-ended question (that does not have a "yes/no" answer) is a safe place to start.
- Ask about his upcoming plans. ("What are you doing this weekend? I wanted to....")
- Ask his thoughts on a common experience (teacher, friend, class, etc.). ("Did you see...? I thought that was...! What did you think?")
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3
Monitor your body language. Open, attentive positioning will get your point across — perhaps without even saying it.
- Lock eyes. Eye contact will tell him that you are listening to him and you care. Shying away from eye contact shows you're nervous and less approachable.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- Posture. Make sure your body is open and pointed toward him. Tilt your hips toward him (if standing) and make sure your arms aren't crossed.^{[3]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Collette Gee
  Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
  Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
- Touch. Make excuses to touch him in appropriate, light ways. The bond of human touch subconsciously puts humans more at ease.^{[4]
  X
  Research source} Lightly lay your hand on his forearm as you're talking, or gently bump into his side if you're walking together.
- Mirror his positioning. Getting into a physical groove with him will tell him you are similar. Humans are programmed to seek out those like us.
4
Smile. Always, always, always smile. Not only will it make him happier to be around you, it'll up your mood, too!^{[5]
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Expert Source

Collette Gee
Relationship Coach & Certified Violence Prevention Specialist
Expert Interview. 1 May 2020.}
5
Tell him. When the big reveal comes, remember to relax! After all, he's just one person, like you. Here's how to get through it with grace:
- A non-threatening idea is to pad it with another statement:
  - "Sarah was asking who I thought would go to State this year. I told her I liked you and thought you'd make it."
  - "You failed the history exam? Oh, that sucks! I didn't do too great, either. But don't worry, I still really like you."
- If you're good friends, a more straight-forward approach is fine:
  - "We have tons of fun together. I like you so much."
  - You may want to ask it back: "I think I'm starting to like you. Do you feel the same?"
6
Handle the response. Be prepared for what he says, good or bad. If he's a decent person, he won't want to hurt your feelings.
- If he doesn't like you back, that's fine. You were brave for trying! Be proud of yourself. To avoid feeling awkward, leave on a happy note:^{[6]
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  Research source}
  - "I understand. I still want to be friends, though. You're so funny!"
  - "I have to get home; I just wanted to let you know. I'll see you in gym! I'll kick your butt in basketball tomorrow!"
- If he doesn't give you a definite response, revisit the conversation at a later date. He may need time to figure out how he feels. Give the subject space and revisit it in a few days.
- If he says he likes you back, stay cool. This is not the time to attack him with your kisses. Smile, continue the conversation, and find a time you two are free to spend together.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Telling Him over Text or Chat

1
Open the conversation. You already have his number, so congratulations! The hard part is over. Keep the first message simple yet intriguing.
- Ask about him. People like others who are interested in them. Ask how his day went, if he's seen the latest episode of a show you both watch, if he's finished the homework for French — whatever you know he's thought about.
- If you know what you have in common, talk about it! Do you both play sports or an instrument? Hang in a mutual circle of friends? This way you'll have something to respond with, sustaining the conversation.^{[7]
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  Research source}
- Use emoticons. With electronic messages, it's hard to be sure of a person's intentions. Emoticons will soften whatever it is you choose to say. A smile signals that you mean your words in a positive way, while a wink is a sure sign that you're flirting.
2
Get the timing right. Responding within seconds to all of his texts may seem like you're waiting around to talk to him. While this is fine occasionally, it's best to busy yourself with other things, too. Go about your day as normal.
- Playing hard to get is not the idea here. Don't leave him hanging — just treat his texts as you would any other friend of yours.
3
Reveal your feelings. After the conversation has started, find a moment where it feels natural.
- "You talked to David? Did he tell you I like you? 'Cuz it's true. :)"
- "Haha! =] I really like you. Are you going to the game on Friday with anyone?"
4
Answer back. Whatever his response, don't jump to conclusions. Breathe first and then respond.
- If he's hesitant, don't push. He may need a moment to think. Continue the conversation — don't drop it suddenly. If a few days pass and he makes no gesture of explanation, revisit it in a similar manner.
- If he says no, try to lighten the mood. He's probably feeling awkward, too.
  - "Oh, that's cool. I just wanted to make sure you knew."
  - "I get it. I'm super busy, too — I'm just starting [hobby]!"
- If he says yes, find a time to hang out. Don't drive over to his house or start naming your children. Just make plans to see each other over the weekend.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Telling Him with a Note

1
Be fun. Intensity may scare him off. Keep your note light-hearted and playful:^{[8]
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Research source}
- Hi! :) I couldn't resist dropping you a note. Uh oh...I think Mrs. Umbridge is watching me! --All clear for now. Are you going to Sarah's party on Saturday? I like you -- wanna go together? :)"
2
Give it to him discreetly. You can either put it in his locker (don't forget your name!), slip it in his book, or hand it to him directly. A quick, "I think you dropped this," will surely raise his eyebrow.
3
Respond. Depending on his response, you will need to act a certain way.
- If he responds positively, talk to him in person. You've got nothing to lose!
- If he responds negatively, stay friendly. When you see him, smile. Continue as normal. Do not go out of your way to pursue him any further. The ball is in his court now.
- If he doesn't respond, you may need to talk to him in person. If you didn't hand deliver the note, it's possible he didn't get it. Wait a few days. If he still hasn't responded, visit the conversation in person. He may just need time to think.

Warnings

Be careful and move slowly. If you walk up to the boy you've been crushing on all year, but you haven't spoken to him once, and tell him you like him, you'll probably freak him out.

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