Is It Too Late to Text a Girl? The Unspoken Rules Behind Late Night Texts

Co-authored by John Keegan and Jessica Gibson

Last Updated: September 30, 2021 References

Texting is full of unspoken rules, which can make it tricky to navigate when you like someone. You may want to send her a text when you're thinking about her, but send it too late and you might wake her up or send the wrong signals. While there's no set rule for appropriate texting times, our answers to common questions can help you decide when it's fine to text.

Question 1 of 6:

What's too late for texting?

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Anytime after she might have gone to bed. Since there aren't strict rules about when it's too late to text, it totally depends on the girl. If she's a night owl and you know she stays up late, you might feel comfortable texting her around 10 pm, but you probably should text any later than that unless you know her really well.^{[1]
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- If you know that she works mornings and goes to bed early, you probably don't want to text her very late. You might stop texting around 9 pm, for instance.
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Ask the girl to find out! If you're really unsure and don't want to find out the hard way, just ask her how late you can text her. She probably has a good idea already of how late is too late and she'll most likely appreciate that you asked.^{[2]
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- Finding out when she prefers to get texts also shows her that you're really thoughtful and considerate.

Question 2 of 6:

Is it rude to text really late?

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It can be rude if you're waking her up. If you text a girl and it's so late that you've disrupted her sleep, then texting is disrespectful. It's a lot more considerate to wait until the morning or ask her in advance how late you can text her. This shows her that you're concerned about her well-being.^{[3]
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It can be obnoxious if you're starting an argument. Sometimes, you might feel like you've got to work through an emotional problem you're both having. Ask yourself if the conversation might go over better the next day when you're both rested. With a little sleep, you might even find that you were blowing things out of proportion the night before.
- She'll probably consider it really rude if you text her out of the blue one night to rehash an old argument. Think about what you're hoping to achieve with the text before you start messaging her late at night.

Question 3 of 6:

What's the best time of day to text a girl?

It totally depends on the girl, but usually anytime between 8 am and 8 pm. This way, she can respond right away if she's not busy, or she can text you back before it gets too late. Texting during this window shows that you're thinking about her during the day and you're interested in her.^{[4]
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- Keep in mind that some people text back right away while others might wait hours before responding.

Question 4 of 6:

Can I respond to a text even if it's late?

Use your judgment before you reply. Maybe you just got around to checking your phone when you see that you got a text from her earlier in the day. If you think a response can wait until morning when you're sure she's up, then it's fine to wait. It's also a good idea to hold off if your response requires more back and forth texting and you're not sure if she's up.
- If you're simply answering a question she has or confirming a date, it's probably fine to text back something like, "Sorry—just checked my phone. Yeah, we're on for tomorrow."

Question 5 of 6:

What kind of message can I send late at night?

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You could text a quick goodnight if she's on your mind. If you know she'd love a sweet nighttime message, it's probably fine to send a short text. You could text something like, "Night, babe," or, "Hope you had a great day. Talk tomorrow."
- Don't stress if she doesn't reply—she might already be asleep. The point is to just send a brief goodnight message.
- If you want, you could joke and say something like "Hi, this isn't a booty call. Please don't take it that way!"^{[5]
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  Expert Interview. 28 September 2021.}
- A sweet goodnight text should not be a booty call! Text her without any expectations—just let her know that you're thinking of her and hope she had a good night.
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Feel free to text her important information. Maybe you missed a text from her confirming plans for the following day. In this case, it's probably a good idea to reply so she sees your response first thing in the morning and doesn't worry.
- If you know her well and have other important info to share, it's probably fine to text her. For instance, you might text her late at night if you just got sick and won't be able to hang out with her for a few days.

Question 6 of 6:

What does a late night text mean?

She'll probably assume that you're bored or looking for action. Are you texting her something like, "Hey," or "Want to hang out?" at midnight? She'll probably assume that you're just interested in hooking up or that you're bored and hoping for a distraction.^{[6]
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- If you want to have a deep, thoughtful conversation with her, you probably want to text her earlier in the day or suggest that you meet up in person.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it bad to text a girl late at night?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

It always depends on the connection you both share. If you don’t want to creep her out, try phrasing your text in a way that you’re just reaching out and wanting to talk a little bit.
Question

What should I text my crush late at night?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

You could simply text her talking about your day or your night out with friends. Ask her about her day and set the scene that you’re not up to anything right now. Or, you could be more direct and invite her to do something with you.
Question

How do you text to hook up?

John Keegan
Dating Coach
John Keegan is a dating coach and motivational speaker based in New York City. He runs The Awakened Lifestyle, where he uses his expertise in dating, attraction, and social dynamics to help people find love. He teaches and holds dating workshops internationally, from Los Angeles to London and from Rio de Janeiro to Prague. His work has been featured in the New York Times, Humans of New York, and Men's Health.

John Keegan

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Start by asking how she’s doing. Start by setting the scene of what you’re doing (for example, you could be in a bar with some friends or just at home) and seeing if she’s on the same page as you for the night. Then, try seeing if she wants to hang out with you for a drink or something similar.