9 Reasons Why Guys Ghost Girls

Written by Sarah Schewitz, PsyD | Edited by Hunter Rising

Last Updated: December 30, 2022 References

So you've been chatting with a guy, but then all of a sudden, he just disappears. If you thought the convo was going well, you're probably left wondering why the guy ghosted you. Even though it may hurt, know that a guy ghosting you isn't your fault. There are actually a lot of reasons why guys ghost that have nothing to do with the person they ghosted. Keep reading to find out why a guy may stop messaging you and what you can do to feel better.

This article is based on an interview with our licensed clinical psychologist and relationship coach, Sarah Schewitz, founder of Couples Learn. Check out the full interview here.

Things You Should Know

Some guys ghost because they don't know how to cut off communication more directly.
They may not be ready for a serious commitment, but want to avoid confrontation or protect you from being hurt.
Sometimes, guys ghost because something happens unexpectedly in their personal life.

1

He wants to avoid conflict.

Some guys think it’s easier to just cut off communication. Talking through a breakup can make some men feel uncomfortable and they might not want to deal with any form of confrontation. Rather than telling you directly and risking drama or criticism, he may stop chatting because he doesn’t handle conflict very well.^{[1]
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- Ghosting someone to avoid conflict isn’t a fair thing to do to you, and it just means that the guy has issues he needs to work out on his own.
- Some guys are shy talking about what they really want from a relationship, so it’s easier for them to just move on.

2

He thinks ghosting hurts you less.

A guy might not want to feel ashamed because he disappointed you. If a guy doesn’t feel the chemistry between you but you do, he may feel responsible for hurting your feelings. To avoid making you sad or disappointed, he might avoid the conversation altogether so he doesn’t feel responsible.^{[2]
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- It’s completely okay to feel hurt or upset when a guy ghosts you because it’s not a cool thing to do. Let yourself feel those emotions since they’re an important part of moving forward.

3

He has low self-esteem.

A guy may self-sabotage if he thinks he doesn’t deserve you. If a guy has low self-confidence, he may get the idea that you’re too good for him and close himself off. He may feel safer completely cutting off the relationship because he’s anxious about how you would view him if you kept getting to know him better.^{[3]
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- Remember that you’re not responsible for how a guy feels. The guy needs more time to grow and you don’t have to wait around for him.

4

He’s been ghosted before.

Ghosting could be the only way he knows how to break things off. If a guy hasn’t been in a lot of relationships, he may think ghosting is the best or only way to end things. He knows what it feels like to be ghosted without an explanation, but it’s all that he’s experienced in the past and doesn’t know any better.^{[4]
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- Rather than dwelling on the relationship you could have had, recognize that the guy isn’t giving you everything that you need.

5

He’s dealing with something in his personal life.

Something may have come up that kept him from responding. If a guy has other things going on in his life or if you weren’t exclusive, his conversation with you may drop to the wayside. When he realizes that he hasn’t responded, he may feel embarrassed that it took so long and avoid messaging you again so you don’t ask what happened.^{[5]
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- Usually, it’s best to move on. Even if the guy had something going on in his life, he could have taken a minute or two to send you an update. You deserve someone better who will reach out.

6

He’s not ready for a relationship.

Falling too hard could make him take a step back from communication. If a guy recently got out of a relationship and he feels like you’re moving too fast, he may pull back and go quiet. There’s nothing that you did wrong, but the guy isn’t emotionally ready for another commitment and may need more time to figure out what he wants and needs from a relationship.^{[6]
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- Take this opportunity to really reflect on what you want and need from a guy in your relationship so you can find someone who meets your needs in the future.

7

He has an avoidant attachment style.

Avoidants have trouble getting close to someone else and may ghost. A guy with an avoidant attachment style may have trust or dependency issues from something that happened earlier in his life. When he feels like he’s getting closer to you, he may get anxious and try to end the relationship indirectly by cutting you off and moving on without saying anything.^{[7]
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- You can try reaching out again for closure if you really felt a connection with the guy. Try something like, “Hey, I don’t know what happened, but I felt a connection and I’d appreciate a quick convo to hear why you think this isn’t working.”

8

He lost interest.

A guy may decide to move on quietly if he’s not feeling a connection. If you’ve been on a few dates and a guy doesn’t feel that romantic spark, he may stop talking to let you know he’s not interested. You didn’t do anything wrong, but he just didn’t feel the same level of attraction as he did when you first started chatting.^{[8]
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- It’s going to be okay even if the guy you like doesn’t like you back. You’re an amazing person that deserves to find someone who loves who you are. There are plenty of people out there that will appreciate spending time with you.

9

He was leading you on.

A player will cut you off if they never wanted to make a commitment. To some guys, a relationship is like a game where they’re just trying to satisfy themselves. Even if they seem interested at first, they may move on as soon as they get what they wanted from you.^{[9]
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- It’s okay to feel upset if a guy was playing games with you. Allow yourself to feel all of your feelings and grieve so you can start healing.
- Take some time to focus on self-care. Hang out with your friends, pick up some hobbies, and do things that make you feel happy.