How to Ask Someone if They Like You

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey and Megaera Lorenz, PhD

Last Updated: December 1, 2022 References

It can be hard to work up the courage to ask someone if they like you, but if you want to be sure you’re both on the same page, it’s a conversation you may need to have. Whether you have a crush on the person or you just like them as a friend, it’s important to be direct and ask them how they feel. If talking to them in person isn’t an option, you can try asking them over the phone or video chat, writing a note, or texting them instead. You can also read their non-verbal cues when you’re together to get a sense of how they feel about you.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Asking over the Phone or Text

1
Get to know the person for a while to see if they might be interested. If you think someone you just met might like you, try spending a little time talking to them before you ask how they feel. If the two of you don't know each other very well, the other person might not even have an opinion on whether they like you yet, even if they’re flirting with you or they seem interested.^{[1]
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- For instance, the person could just have a flirtatious personality, but they could be in a relationship or in another situation that would prevent them from dating you.
- Ask them open-ended questions like, “What do you do for fun?” and “What kind of music do you listen to?” That way, you can find out if you have anything in common.
- If you’re already close with the person, there’s no need to put off the conversation.
2
Text or message them if you want plenty of time to think about what to say. Sending a text or an online message can be the perfect solution if you’re afraid that you’ll get tongue-tied when you’re talking to the person face-to-face or over the phone. Take a few minutes to think about exactly how you want to ask them. Then, when they respond, you’ll have time to think about your response.^{[2]
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Expert Source

Joshua Pompey
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 27 November 2019.}
- A text message can help take the pressure off the other person, too. With a text, they won’t feel pressured to answer immediately, like they would in a verbal conversation.
- Remember, when you’re texting, it’s a lot harder for the other person to judge how you’re really feeling. They can’t see you or hear the tone of your voice.^{[3]
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  Research source} Use clear, specific language, or even throw in some emojis to help you express yourself better.
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3
Call them on the phone if you don’t want to ask face-to-face. If talking to the person face-to-face seems too intimidating, a phone call might be easier. Call them when you think they’ll be free, like after school or work, or on the weekend.
- If they can talk, try saying something like, “I wanted to talk to you because I’ve been getting the feeling that you have deeper feelings for me. I like you, so I thought I would just call and ask.”
- A phone call is also a good alternative if meeting in person isn’t possible or safe—for instance, because of social distancing due to the coronavirus outbreak.
4
Set up a video chat if you want a more intimate conversation. If you can’t get together with the other person in real life, but you still want a face-to-face chat, a video call is a good way to go.^{[4]
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Research source} Send them a text, instant message, or email to find out when is a good time for them to chat. Set up your computer in a quiet place where you won’t have any distractions or interruptions, so that you can make the conversation as comfortable as possible.
- Agree with them ahead of time about what video chat app you’re going to use, so there’s no confusion. For example, you might say, “Hey, are you up for a Google Duo chat this afternoon?”
- Since the other person will be able to see you, boost your confidence by dressing nicely, styling your hair, and tidying up the space that will be on camera.
- When you’re talking to the person, be conscious of your body language. Smile and make eye contact, and avoid fiddling with your phone or other distractions while you chat. Pretend they’re in the room with you!
5
Keep your conversation direct and honest. If you’re not meeting in person, it’s especially important to communicate clearly. Even over video chat, you might not be able to spot all the little clues you’d get when talking face-to-face!^{[5]
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Research source} Ask them how they feel in a clear and simple way, and make sure they understand how you’re feeling, too.
- Try saying something like, “Hey, Rasheed, we’ve known each other for a while, and I really enjoy talking to you and being around you. I think I’m starting to like you as more than a friend, and I was wondering if you feel the same way.”
- Whatever they say, be kind and respect their answer. For example, if they say they’re not into you romantically, say something like, “I understand. I hope we can continue to be friends and hang out, because I really enjoy your company!”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Asking in Person

1
Look your best the day of the conversation. Take a shower, brush your teeth, brush your hair, and put on clothes that are clean and fit you well. If you look good, you’ll feel more confident, which will make it easier to approach the other person to talk to them about how they feel.^{[6]
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- If you normally wear makeup, you may want to apply a little, but try to keep your look natural so the other person’s focus will be on you, and not how you look.
- Making an effort to look good doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re trying to impress the other person. It just means you’re trying to feel your very best.
2
Wait to talk to the person if they seem stressed out, upset, or busy. Even if you’ve planned exactly when to ask someone if they like you, it’s important to be flexible. If you notice that the other person is already having a bad day, or they’re in the middle of studying, talking to someone else, or just seem stressed out, then it’s probably not the best time to ask them to open up about their emotions.
- If you’re not sure, try opening the conversation with a simple question like, “Hey, how’s your day going?” Then, use their response to gauge how they’re feeling.
- Before having any difficult conversation, it’s a good idea to set a time that works for both of you.^{[7]
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  Research source} For example, you could say, “Hey, are you free to have a quick chat this afternoon?”
3
Try breathing deeply to calm down if you’re anxious. No matter what outcome you’re hoping for, it’s normal to feel nervous before you face something unknown. Try taking long, deep breaths that go down into your stomach, which can calm your nerves and help you feel more focused.^{[8]
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- It may also help if you remind yourself why it’s important to have the conversation. For instance, you might tell yourself something like, “I don’t want to lead Brad on. If he likes me, I’d rather know so I can let him down gently.”
4
Ask the person if there’s somewhere you can talk alone. When you’re ready to ask the person how they feel about you, try to find a time when the two of you can talk in private. If there are other people around, they might feel caught off guard or insecure about answering your question. In fact, depending on who’s around, they may not feel comfortable answering you honestly, or they may feel too shy to say anything at all.
- Try saying something like, “Hey, can you walk over to the drink machine with me for a minute?” or “Do you have a free minute so we can talk?”
- If you don’t see the person regularly throughout your day, ask them to meet you somewhere you’ll both be comfortable, like a coffee shop or a park.
- Just in case things don’t go smoothly, you may want to avoid having the conversation when you’re both somewhere you can’t leave, like in the car together on a long drive.
5
Share how you feel about them. Before you ask the other person if they like you, let them know whether you like them romantically, or if you would rather be just friends. Be kind, but honest, no matter what you have to say.^{[9]
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- For instance, you might say, “I really like spending time around you, and I’d like to get to know you better,” or “You’re one of my closest friends, and I don’t want anything to change that.”
6
Ask the person directly if they like you. When you want to know something, the best way to find out is to ask in a straightforward way. Try to have an idea of what you want to say in advance, and keep it simple. However, make sure you emphasize that the person can feel comfortable being honest about their feelings, and that you’re prepared for any answer.^{[10]
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- You might say something like, “I just wanted to know if you like me as more than a friend,” for example.
- If you tell someone that you aren’t into them, they may tell you they only like you as a friend too, even if they have deeper feelings than that. Don’t feel like you have to push them too hard to confess their “true” feelings if they’re not comfortable with that.
7
Be gracious, no matter what they say. The best-case scenario in this conversation is that the other person feels the same way you do, whether you both like each other or you both just want to be friends. In either case, you can quickly move on to talking about something else. However, if you don’t both feel the same way, it can feel a little upsetting. Try not to show those emotions, though. Instead, let the person know you appreciate that they were honest with you.
- It’s normal to feel sad or upset about being rejected by someone you like. If you didn’t get the answer you hoped for, let yourself feel bad about it, but try not to dwell on it.^{[11]
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- If you like the person and they don’t like you back in the same way, take a little time to think about whether you can be friends with them. If it’s the other way around, be honest but kind. For example, let them know you’ll give them a little space if they need it, but that you still care for them as a friend (as long as that’s the case).

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Reading Non-Verbal Signs

1
Pay attention to whether the person makes eye contact with you. People often unconsciously give off small cues when they’re around someone they like. For instance, if you notice that the other person tends to make eye contact with you whenever you’re around, it could be a sign that they like you.^{[12]
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- The only way to be sure about how someone feels is just to ask them. For instance, one person might make eye contact with you because they see you as a close friend, while another person who has a big crush on you might avoid eye contact because they’re very shy.^{[13]
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2
Notice whether they mirror your behavior. When you’re talking to someone, try making small movements, then watch what the other person does. If they like you, they may unconsciously copy these movements, which is called “mirroring.”^{[14]
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- For instance, you might touch your hair or your face, or you could cross your arms or legs, then uncross them. If the person mimics those movements after a minute or two, they’re mirroring you.
3
Look at their posture when you're around. When you’re talking to this person, pay attention to how they sit or stand. If they lean toward you and have open body language, such as sitting with their arms uncrossed, they may like you. However, if their arms are folded or they’re turned away from you, they may be feeling closed off.^{[15]
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- Keep in mind that a person’s posture can have to do with a lot of different factors, including how they’re feeling physically and the overall mood they’re in that day.
4
Watch whether they find reasons to touch you. When someone has a crush on you, they’ll often look for excuses to brush against you. They may touch your hand or your knee when you’re talking, they may always hug you when they see you, or they might let their arm brush against yours when they walk past you. If you notice this, the person might like you.^{[16]
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- Some people are just affectionate with everyone, so if you’re not sure, just ask!

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can you figure out if someone actually likes you?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

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A lot of it is getting a feel for the person and hanging around them to pick up on small cues. A lot of the time, you just have to trust your instinct.
Question

Can you ask your crush over text?

Joshua Pompey
Relationship Expert
Joshua Pompey is a Relationship Expert with over 10 years of helping people navigate the online dating world. Joshua has run his own relationship consulting business since 2009 at a success rate of over 99%. His work has been featured in CNBC, Good Morning America, Wired, and Refinery29 and he has been referred to as the best online dater in the world.

Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Answer

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Yes! Texting is a great way to talk to your crush because you can think about what you want to say and don't have to face them in-person. Plus, your crush can think out a response before replying to you.
Question

I'm not sure if my girlfriend actually likes me. What do I do?

wikiHow Staff Editor
Staff Answer
This answer was written by one of our trained team of researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness.

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If you're not sure about how your girlfriend is feeling, sit down and have a heart-to-heart talk with her. If you can't see her in person, call her over the phone or video chat so you can communicate more easily, since it's hard to get clues like facial expression or tone of voice over text. Say something like, "Hey, sometimes I'm not sure how you're feeling about me or our relationship, and I just wanted to chat and make sure we're both on the same page." Listen openly to what she has to say.