10 Flirty Ways to Ask Someone to Hold Hands

Co-authored by John Keegan and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: January 30, 2023 References Approved

Whether you’re out on a date or just hanging with a cool friend, the thought of holding hands might be enough to get butterflies going in your stomach. Actually asking someone to hold hands can be nerve-wracking, especially if you haven’t done it before. Thankfully, there are a few ways you can ask directly or subtly to start holding hands with the person that you like.

1

Wait until you’re in a private place.

Some people aren’t comfortable holding hands until they’re alone. If you’ve never held hands with this person before, don’t try it in a public place. Instead, wait until you’re by yourselves or in a more secluded area.^{[1]
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- For instance, if you were in a coffee shop, wait until you’re taking a stroll through the park to make the hand-holding move.

2

Test the waters with a high-five.

Let them know that you’re okay having your hand touched. If the person you’re with celebrates an accomplishment or says something cool, offer them a high-five. Afterwards, let your hand linger for just a few seconds to give them a subtle message.^{[2]
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- This is a good way to test the waters and get a read on their body language. If they also let their hand linger and didn’t pull away immediately, it’s a good sign!

3

Place your hand next to theirs.

It might encourage them to reach out and grab your hand. Get your hand as close to theirs as you can without actually touching. If you’re sitting at a table, place your hand on top of the table next to theirs. If you’re sitting side by side, place your hand down by your lap so it almost touches theirs. If they’re feeling bold, they might even reach out and grab your hand first.^{[3]
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- This is a super subtle way to ask someone to hold hands. If your date isn’t picking up on it, don’t worry! They probably just missed your clue.
- If you're worried about having sweaty palms, just wipe your hand on your pants before you put your hand near theirs.^{[4]
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  Expert Source
  
  John Keegan
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}

4

Bump your hand against theirs.

You can do this while you walk and talk. Swing your arms back and forth and “accidentally” brush your hand against theirs. Or, if you’re sitting down, place your hand on the table but brush your hand against theirs first.^{[5]
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- If they “accidentally” brush your hand with theirs, try not to flinch! They might be trying to send a signal right back at you.

5

Ask them to hold hands if you want to be direct.

It’s the best way to make sure your date wants to hold hands. If you can’t quite read their body language or you’re worried that you’re overstepping your boundaries, just ask! If they say yes, you can confidently take their hand and hold it for as long as you’d like.^{[6]
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- You might say, “Is it okay if I hold your hand?”
- Or, “Will you hold my hand?”
- Or, “Would you like to hold hands?”
- If they say no, that’s fine, too. They might not be comfortable with physical touch, or they might want to get to know you a little more before holding hands.

6

Tell them your hand feels cold.

Then, ask them to feel it for you. This is a cute and flirty way to get someone to hold your hand. If they feel your hand and say that it does feel cold, ask them to warm it up for you by hanging onto it.^{[7]
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- This is a great hack to use during the chilly winter months.
- You could say something like, “Brr, my hands are super cold! Here, feel.”
- Or, “My hands are super chilly. Could you warm them up for me?”

7

Challenge them to a thumb wrestling match.

Get up close and personal with their hand as you wrestle. A thumb wrestling match is another great way to break the touch-barrier—plus, adding a little competition into your time together can enhance the flirty fun you’re having.^{[8]
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- After you’re done thumb wrestling, just keep your hand nestled in theirs. If they don’t pull away, you can keep holding hands.

8

Ask if you can read their palm.

Palm reading is a flirty and fun way to touch hands. Grab their hand and check out the lines in their palm. If you know how to read palms, tell them what’s going to happen in their future! If you don’t know how to read palms, you can just make something up.^{[9]
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- You could even turn this into an opportunity to ask about holding hands. As you trace a line down their palm, say something like, “In your future, I see you holding hands with your cute date.”

9

Compare the size of your hands.

Get your date to hold their hands against yours. Depending on the size difference, you could say “Wow, my hands are so much smaller/bigger than yours! Let me see.” Then, grab their hand and put it over your own.^{[10]
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- You can smoothly turn this into hand holding by saying something like, “They still fit together pretty good, though” as you slide your fingers into theirs.

10

Pull them somewhere by their hand.

Tell them you’ve got to show them something right now! If they’re hesitant or a little slow, grab their hand and lead them along behind you. When you get to your destination (a cool plant, a fun store window, a cute dog), just keep your hands together.^{[11]
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- You could make a joke out of it by saying, “Well, I guess we have to keep holding hands now.”

Community Q&A

Question

How can I hold hands with this guy who is really cute but I'm not sure what we are. He put his hand on top of mean while I was recounting trauma, that means something right?

Animal2muchlover

Community Answer

If a guy does that, it is usually a sign of affection but it can also mean other things, such as a friend zone. Know that is usually only if you are close friends but it is possible he like likes you. The best thing to do is to have your friend walk past you two and say: "Are you two dating?". Sometimes it can set a spark.