How to Avoid Becoming a Snob

Last Updated: December 29, 2021 References

Do you ever find yourself butting into a conversation abruptly, offering unsolicited advice or talking about your personal belongings and achievements too frequently? Even in cases when these comments are meant to be friendly and conversational, the message can come across differently, and a little snobby. By shifting your mindset, how you communicate and your view of yourself, you can avoid or stop coming off as being a snob.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Being Humble

1
Don’t brag about your possessions or achievements. Make comments and start conversations around topics and ideas that interest you, rather than objects and possessions. It’s not a bad thing to share your excitement for things, but be mindful about spending too much of your time talking about material items.^{[1]
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- Set goals for yourself that are meaningful rather than goals that you hope will help get you more attention.
- Start conversations that others can join in and share their input instead of stating facts and opinions. A good way to encourage a two-way conversation is to ask open-ended questions and bring up broad topics.
2
Avoid making backhanded comments. The old saying goes, “If you don’t have something nice to say, then don’t say anything at all.” Put yourself in the shoes of the person you’re speaking with and think about how a backhanded comment makes you feel.
- Notice the good features of others and make comments about those positive things. Switch out statements like “That sweater looks expensive for your taste” with “That sweater makes you look like a million bucks!”
- If you feel yourself about to blurt out a backhanded comment, take two to three deep breaths first. It calms your fight or flight reaction and can help to clear the mind. Thinking clearly is key to speaking with clarity and kindness.
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3
Don’t judge people by the way they look and act. If you frequently judge other people, then it is likely that you are also judging yourself. It is important to become mindful of this because self-judgment may manifest as low-self-confidence and judgment of other people. Understand that everyone walks around with different kinds of baggage, different experiences and a different upbringing. Look past the exterior to try to get to know someone’s personality and learn from them.
- Get out of your comfort zone and talk with someone outside of your normal circle. Attend a networking event or go to a cafe that interests you, but isn’t something you would normally attend. Sign up for a knitting class or learn to code if it’s something you’ve always wanted to try.
- Find common traits among yourself and people who look, dress or act differently.
- Start up a conversation with a simple statement or question. Comments like “Doesn’t the city look beautiful from this side of the park?” or “I love exploring new places to get coffee, what’s your favorite?”
4
Refrain from acting superior. Feeling jealous or comparing yourself to other people frequently may indicate a sense of personal lack, which you might try to compensate for by acting superior. Purchase items and gain knowledge of topics only if you truly enjoy them. Understand that not everyone has the same interests, wants and needs in life. ^{[2]
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- Share knowledge and information with others only if you know they have a genuine interest as well.
- Avoid the urge to one-up someone else in a conversation.
- Don’t devalue the way others live or the way they feel.
- Enjoy the differences between yourself and those around you, instead of comparing interests, material possessions and money.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Changing the Way You Communicate

1
Show genuine interest in what other people say. It is important to be a good listener and to show people that you genuinely care about what they have to say. Pay close attention when other people are talking and ask them leading questions to find out more about the things they say or to have them clarify. This will let them know that you are paying attention and are interested.
- Try asking something like, “Your trip to Florida sounds really nice! What else did you do while you were there?”
2
Don’t be pushy about your opinions. It’s not a bad thing to share the way you think or feel about a certain topic, but it isn’t good if you’re not open to others having a different opinion.^{[3]
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- If someone disagrees with a statement you’ve made, genuinely ask them to share why.
- Show an interest in another point of view and open your mind to other perspectives.
- Don’t view your opinions as facts.
3
Don’t monopolize a conversation. Notice if you’ve been chatting nonstop and provide an opening for someone else to voice their thoughts.
- Don’t cut others off in the middle of a sentence to ensure you get your point across. If it’s important enough to the conversation, wait for a pause.
- Ask other people questions about how they feel and view a situation.
- Notice others’ body language and whether they seem engaged or disinterested.
- Try not to talk just for the sake of talking. If you feel like you are, say something like “I feel like I’ve been talking so much, tell me about your life.”
4
Talk with inclusive language. Avoid saying statements in absolutes, especially when meeting new people as they can make others feel inadequate if that’s not they way they think, feel or act.^{[4]
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- Notice if you say statements that start with something like ‘you should always’ and urge yourself to shift your language to something like ‘I believe’ or ‘in my experience.’
- Tell yourself that everyone comes from a different background with different experiences and resources.
- Keep an open mind during new experiences and inquire more information if someone shares a differing opinion.
5
Educate yourself on diverse topics. Reach outside of your comfort zone and learn about a new culture, sport or hobby. Being a beginner can keep you humble about your knowledge and experience.
- Learn about something new regularly. Make a goal to read about a new topic or do something you’ve never done on a monthly, weekly or even daily basis.
- Ask experts on the topic, whether you personally know them or can connect with them virtually.
- Keep in mind that it is perfectly okay to say “I don’t know.” Avoid pretending that you know about a subject if you don’t. Just be honest about what you know and don’t know.
6
Avoid giving unsolicited advice. Catch yourself if you start to offer your own opinion when it wasn’t requested. Follow the advice that you would theoretically give someone else.^{[5]
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- Instead of giving advice, simply explain that you are there to help if needed.
- Let other people make decisions and mistakes and avoid pointing out mistakes of others if the outcome doesn’t come out well. No one wants to hear “I told you so” --even if you think it's warranted.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Gaining More Confidence in Yourself

1
Accept yourself as a unique individual. Psychologists believe that those who share their awards, achievements and thoughts of superiority are often in search of approval by others. Make your accomplishments desirable to you and set them inline with your overall life, career and relationship goals.^{[6]
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- It may not easy to remind yourself of what makes you great, but don’t forget about all your awesome qualities.
- Wear what makes you truly happy and do things that you fully enjoy. As you fill your life with more joy, you’ll be happier and more confident in yourself.
2
Be grateful for what you have. Don’t compare yourself to others and the experiences they have had or things they own.
- Write down or recite three things that you’re grateful for each morning before you get out of bed. Repeating these positive things can help instill a better sense of self-esteem and happiness.
3
Make decisions that make you happy. Don’t allow others to significantly influence your decision making. When you make an important decision, think it through thoroughly and feel confident and proud in the outcome.
4
Evaluate your tasks and to-do lists. Anything you force yourself to do because of someone else shouldn’t be a regular part of your life. Eliminate things you do just to please others.^{[7]
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- Each month go over what you did the previous month and what you have planned for the next. Eliminate anything that didn’t make you happy in the previous month, and anything that you’re hesitant about in the upcoming month.