How to Build Your Self Confidence

Co-authored by Guy Reichard and Hannah Madden

Last Updated: February 23, 2023 References Approved

Confidence is all about harnessing your own unique, internal power. It's what allows you to wow friends, dazzle parties, excel in school and work, and ultimately, just feel great about yourself—but when you struggle to feel secure, how can you become the most confident you? It's actually way easier than you'd think. Below, we've outlined the very best research-backed tips and tricks to help you on your journey. Ready to let that inner light shine through? Let's get started.

1

Challenge your negative thoughts

Try to catch yourself when you think bad things about yourself. If you notice a negative thought, question it to see if it’s actually true. When you start to question your negative self-talk, you can adjust your thinking over time.^{[1]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- For example, if you think something like, “My friends probably don’t like me,” try asking yourself, “Is that true? Didn’t my friend just invite me to hang out last week?”
- Or, if you think something like, “I’ll never pass this test,” ask yourself, “How do you know? Can you tell the future?”

2

Use positive self-talk

Repeat phrases every day until you start to believe them. Take a few moments before you go to work or school to look at yourself in the mirror and remind yourself of your positive characteristics. You can either say something that you believe about yourself or something that you would like to believe about yourself. Try saying things like:^{[2]
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Expert Source

Guy Reichard
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.}
- “I am an intelligent person.”
- “I am a good father.”
- “I have accomplished many important things in my life.”
- “People enjoy spending time with me.”

3

Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

Try to remember that you’re only human. Everyone makes mistakes, and you’re no different! Try to forgive yourself for things you did in the past so you can move on. Don’t hold yourself to a higher standard than everyone else.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source
Mayo Clinic
Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals
Go to source}
- If you’re having trouble forgiving yourself for something, try asking if you’d forgive a friend for the same mistake. Then, use that forgiveness on yourself.

4

Be honest with yourself about your shortcomings

You might still have a lot to learn, but remind yourself that you're trying! Being confident doesn’t mean overestimating your own abilities; instead, try to recognize where you might be slightly lacking, then work to improve that area.^{[4]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices
Go to source}
- For example, if you just started a new job, you probably don’t know everything about the company yet. Spend some time learning from your coworkers to do the best job that you can do.

5

Make a list of your positive qualities.

It might seem silly, but sit down and write out a list.^{[5]
X
Expert Source

Guy Reichard
Life Coach
Expert Interview. 19 March 2020.} Start with 5 things that you like about yourself and try to add something to the list every day. If you can’t think of anything, try asking your loved ones what they like about you to get you started.^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source}
- For example, you could write, “I’m kind, I’m loving, I’m passionate about art, I’m creative, and I’m a good friend.”

6

Learn to say “no.”

You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone. If you’re feeling overwhelmed and don’t want to take on another responsibility, say “no.” It will be tough at first, but once you practice it, it will become second nature.^{[7]
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Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source}
- Saying “no” can often feel like we’re disappointing friends or family members. However, overwhelming yourself with responsibilities will only make you feel worse, and it can lead to lower self-esteem.

7

Get help from a mental health professional.

If you’re really struggling with your confidence, a professional can help. They’ll be able to find the root of your low confidence so you can challenge your thoughts and break any negative thought patterns. A mental health professional can also help you work toward other goals, like improving your relationships or making changes in your life.^{[8]
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Trustworthy Source
Harvard Medical School
Harvard Medical School's Educational Site for the Public
Go to source}
- If you’re a college student, check out the mental health resources on campus. You might be able to see a mental health professional for free.

8

Spend time with people who appreciate you

Negative people tend to lower your confidence. Instead, spend time with friends and family members who inspire you and push you to be your best self. You’ll know someone is good to be around if you feel excited and happy to hang out with them.^{[9]
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Trustworthy Source
National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK
Go to source}
- People who lower your confidence might make disparaging remarks about you or tell you that your goals are dumb. It probably feels draining to hang out with them, and you might be subconsciously avoiding them.
- If you want to make a new group of friends, try joining a club to meet people interested in a hobby of yours.

9

Learn a new skill.

Do something outside of your own comfort zone. If you’ve never tried playing chess before, play a few online games to get the hang of it. If you aren’t the best cook, try making a dish you’ve never had. There are many ways to acquire a new skill. Build your confidence in smaller areas to improve your overall self-esteem.^{[10]
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Research source}
- Try to expand your comfort zone slowly and steadily over time.

10

Exercise regularly.

Try to get 30 minutes of moderate exercise per day. Working a little exercise into your daily routine can do wonders for your mental health. Not only will it make you feel stronger and healthier, exercising releases chemicals in your brain that make you feel happier. It will boost your overall mood and it can break up your day if you're feeling stuck.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source
PubMed Central
Journal archive from the U.S. National Institutes of Health
Go to source}
- Exercising doesn’t have to mean going to a gym and getting your pump on. You could swim, jog, do yoga, jump rope, or do an at-home workout routine.

11

Do something you enjoy every day.

Make yourself happy by doing something fun. It could be a craft, an art piece, a nature walk, a hike, a jog, or even reading a good book. Spend 15 minutes doing something that you like to boost your mood and improve your overall self-esteem.^{[12]
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Research source}
- Try taking a break from technology while you do this, too. It can be nice to step away from the screens for a while.

12

Stand up straight and make eye contact with people.

Body language is a huge indicator of confidence. When you interact with others, be sure to keep your head and chin up, stand up straight, and look people in the eyes when you talk to them. Keep your hands out of your pockets and plant your feet in a wide stance.^{[13]
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Research source}
- If you’re listening to someone else talk, practice active listening skills by nodding your head and making eye contact.

13

Wear clean clothes and practice good hygiene.

When you look good, you feel good, too. Try to shower every day, brush your hair, clean your teeth, and put on clean clothes. If you like makeup or jewelry, wear that too! Try to present yourself in a way that makes you feel confident.^{[14]
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Research source}
- If you’re itching for a new wardrobe but don’t want to break the bank, try hitting up a thrift store in your area.