How to Not Be Lame

Co-authored by Eddy Baller

Last Updated: March 9, 2023

Are you a stick in the mud? A shoe-gazer? A lame-o? We all do lame things sometimes, but learning to identify those lame tics and avoid them will help you from being a full-blown burden to your friends and family. You can learn to appear more confident in your social interactions and fake it till you make it.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Avoiding Lameness

1
Stop complaining. Nobody likes to be around someone who complains about everything. It's lame and selfish to grab the floor of a group dinner, for example, by complaining loudly about your food. If you have to complain about something, do it in private later. In general, try your best to look for the positives in every situation and focus on having fun, not what's keeping you from having fun.
- If you're not having a good time doing something, hit the pause before you feel the need to complain. Why are you not having fun? Is complaining going to change it without hurting anyone's feelings or bringing everyone else down? Unless the answer is yes, keep your mouth closed.
- Avoid the ugly cousin of complaining, as well: the humblebrag. Don't use complaints as a way of secretly working in details that make you sound good. Instead of saying, "'I'm super-stressed that they really just made a mistake and I didn't actually get into Harvard" just be genuine. Say, "I'm feeling really fortunate. It's pretty unbelievable to get into a school like Harvard."
2
Stop making a big deal out of little things. Remember how excited you were for that toy you got when you were five years old? How excited are you about it now? Lame people treat everything as if it were that toy. Try to pull back some and look at the bigger picture, so you don't sound out of touch with others.
- It's fine to get excited about things, and it's normal to get down in the dumps about other things. The difference in people who say lame things is that they're over-emphasizing the excitement or the negativity. Try to keep things in perspective.
- Lame statement: "I'm literally going to cry if I don't get to go to the prom with someone this year. I feel like my life is going to end on prom night if I'm not there." Normal statement: "I hope I get to go to prom. It'd be fun to go."
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3
Do what you say you'll do. There's nothing more lame than flaky behavior. If you tell your friend that you're down for a lunch date, then cancel at the last minute, that's lame. If you promise your brother you'll hang out with him on Friday night and then ignore his texts and go on a date instead, that's lame. If you want to avoid being lame, make your words mean something by backing them up with action.
- Some people have a hard time saying no, and over-commit to people. If you already have plans with a friend and get asked on a date, it's not going to be the end of the world to find another time for dating. Be honest and have the bravery to tell the truth.
4
Stop asking for reassurance. What we call "lame" is often the result of low self-esteem. People who need constant reassurance from others, or need to be complimented on a regular basis to keep their self-esteem levels up can come off as being somewhat lame to more confident people. Even if you're not confident, stop looking to others for reassurance and look to yourself.
- You don't have to the be the most confident person in the room to avoid being a needy friend. Nobody feels confident and assured all the time, but it's lame to constantly ask other people to reassure you that you're ok.
- For more on cultivating your own confidence, read the next section.
5
Be honest with people. It's easy to tell the truth when things are going right for you, but what about when you're in the wrong? What about when you messed something up at work, and the boss is looking for someone to blame? What about when your parents are looking for an answer to how the car got scratched? Lying to escape trouble is lame.
- Sometimes teenagers develop a tendency to stretch the truth or embellish stories as a way of making themselves sound better. Instead of making up what you did last weekend, decide to make your next weekend exciting, so you'll have something better to say next time.
6
Say "yes" to more things, but don't be afraid to say "no" either. If you're a stick in the mud, it'll be hard for others to think of you as being anything other than a lame-o. Lame people always come up with excuses to avoid doing things, rather than coming up with reasons to act, reasons to have fun, and reasons to take a risk. Instead of coming up with reasons you can't do something, come up with reasons that you can.
- Being more agreeable doesn't mean being reckless. It's lame to compromise your core values and become someone you aren't to impress others. Don't experiment with alcohol or drugs just because other kids at your school are, or get pushed into doing something you don't want to do. That's lame.
7
Empathize. Learn to listen to others and to respect other people for who they are. Try being genuinely interested in what other people have going on in their lives. Ask them questions and pay attention to the answers. When you're listening, don't just wait for your turn to speak. Really listen to other people and learn everything that you can from them.
- Lame people are often self-obsessed and ego-centric. If you want to avoid this kind of behavior, learn to empathize.
- Smile and nod your head while listening to others. This shows that you’re actively engaged in the conversation and sends the message that you’re open.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Being More Confident

1
Stop making excuses. When you mess up, you can make a million excuses for why what you did was wrong, why you failed, or what you didn't have that would have helped you succeed. But that's lame. Even if the world is against you, even when the cards are stacked to favor others, you need to take responsibility for yourself and own up to your actions, and do the best that you can.
- Don't make excuses after you do things, and definitely don't come up with excuses beforehand. If you end up thinking that you're going to fail a test because you're not good enough at math, you're probably going to fail before you even start. It's lame to not even try.
2
Speak clearly and loudly. You can display confidence, even if you're feeling lame and not especially confident, simply in the way that you speak. Use a room-appropriate volume, and speak loud enough so that everyone will be able to hear what you have to say. Speak as clearly and as succinctly as possible.
- Don't couch what you say in negating language. Never start a sentence with, "I mean, I don't really know what I'm saying, but..." or "This is dumb, but..." or "Sorry, but..."^{[1]
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- Speaking confidently has two effects. It makes you feel good, even if you're faking it, by taking a stand for yourself and making your voice heard. Other people will respect someone who speaks up for themselves, as well, meaning that they'll be more respectful of you in the future, which will make you more confidence in turn. Win-win.
3
Speak only if you have something to say. Everyone's been in a meeting, a classroom, or a group conversation with someone who doesn't know when to button up, and feels the need to contribute constantly, every time there's an opening. It's lame to talk if you don't have anything to say. Learn to pipe down if you have nothing to contribute to a conversation and choose to listen instead.^{[2]
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- It's also important to recognize when it's time for you to contribute. Conversation needs to be a two-way street, and anyone who doesn't recognize the need to speak and the need to listen is being kind of lame.
4
Stop comparing yourself to others. Aside from being an unhealthy way to spend your time, constantly putting yourself up against others will only have the effect of pushing your ship into lamer waters. If you don't have an inner sense of self and your own confident mindset, but choose to compare your accomplishments and skills to other people, you'll do everything you do for the wrong reasons. Be confident and proud of who you are.
- "They have more advantages than I had," is the mantra of the lame-o. Instead of focusing on what you don't have and what others do have, focus on overcoming your obstacles. Position yourself as a success story, not as a failure. Assume greatness.
5
Be as capable as possible. Everybody needs some assistance sometimes, but if you constantly need to ask other people for help, it can make you feel incapable and lame. Make a goal of learning as much as you need to know to comfortably negotiate your world by yourself. If you want to know how to do something, learn to do it, then do it yourself.
- This especially applies to your parents. Do you need them to pay your phone bill for you, or might you take on a part-time job and take that responsibility for yourself? If you're capable of doing something, do it.
- It's also lame to try to do things you know you don't know how to do, because you're too proud to ask for help. Instead of stumbling into a car repair job you don't understand, just because you're too proud to admit you don't know how to do it, be brave enough to get the help you need, so you'll know how to do it next time.
6
Use your body in ways that make you proud. If you want to feel proud in your own skin, start using your body in ways that make it work for you, and ways that make you feel proud. From the way you dress to the choices that you make, you want to treat your body as a thing that you have control over, not something that you're discouraged about or disappointed by.
- If you're using your body in ways that don't make you happy, ways that don't make you proud, be brave enough to make a change. If you want to get active, find a physical activity that you enjoy doing and get outside and start sweating. If you drink too much or abuse other substances, take the big step of stopping. You're bigger than your vices.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Looking More Confident

1
Dress in a way that makes you feel good. Trends and styles change so often, that there's no one way you can dress to avoid being "lame" at all times. Styles might be cool one season and lame the next. But isn't it kind of lame to chase after fads? To hit up the mall every couple of weeks to make sure you're as "in" as possible? Better to position yourself above these kinds of concerns and wear the kinds of clothes that make you feel good.
- If it makes you feel good to wear what's in style, go for it. If you don't get how high-waisted pants or flat-brim caps could possibly be cool, then don't wear them.
2
Stand up straight. Confident people walk through the halls like they feel comfortable in who they are, and like they belong. Lame people walk through like they'd rather be anywhere but there. Even if you're not feeling super-confident, train yourself to walk upright, like the humans were meant to walk. Keep your shoulders back and your chin up. Walking like it'll get better will help it get better.
3
Be physically capable of doing the things you want to do. Everyone's body is different and capable of different things, but it's good to know your limits and shift your limits to where you want them to be. If you want to spend a long life playing video games and working on your computer, you probably don't need to be able to bench 475, but you do have to look after your diet, make sure you get enough exercise to live long enough to see the 50 year anniversary of the Sony Playstation.
- If you want to play sports, but don't want to run, you're going to be pretty lame (literally) come the sports season. Get in the kind of shape you need to be in to do what you want to do.
- There's no shame in wanting to avoid the pool if you're not comfortable in a bathing suit. But if you really want to go to the pool, have the courage to go as you are and be comfortable, or make the changes you want to see.
4
Slow down. Any time you're nervous, you'll tend to rush. From public speaking to interpersonal interactions, people who are feeling unconfident are likely to want to get through the experience as quickly as possible. So, if you want to build confidence in yourself and get others to see you as a confident, cool person, fake it till you make it.^{[3]
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- Speak slowly and clearly, taking the time to enunciate all your words and to structure your words as accurately as possible.
- Breathe. Take a minute when you're talking to take a breath, to process what is being said, and think.
5
Make eye contact. When was the last time you made eye contact with someone, and the other person broke it first? While it might seem incidental, training yourself to make more eye contact can alter people's perception of you and make you appear more confident in your one-on-one interactions. Don't be a shoe-gazer. Look people in the eye and have the confidence to keep your gaze locked. This helps to make you more confident and give other people the impression that you're a confident person.
- This can, of course, be taken to creepy levels. Which would be lame. Don't stare.
6
Take pride in your appearance. Again, there's no one way to look that's cool, and one way that's lame. It's usually lame to spend either too much time or too little time cultivating your appearance, but it is important to take pride in the way you look, and use your appearance as a confidence building tool, rather than a weight that you're constantly grappling with.
- If you obsess over your wardrobe, your body, and your beauty routine, maybe you need to take a step back and build up your confidence in other areas of your life. Looks aren't everything.
- If you're not a clothes horse and can't remember the last time you had a hair cut, that's fine, but basic grooming and care are important. You need to make sure to groom yourself in basic ways, to take care of your body and keep yourself clean and confident. Brush your teeth twice a day and wash your clothes, shower a few times a week, and you'll be fine.