How to Convince Your Overprotective Parents to Let You Date an Older Guy

Co-authored by Moshe Ratson, MFT, PCC

Last Updated: February 15, 2023

Dating is already difficult, so it’s easy to say dating becomes exceptionally harder when you add overprotective parents to the equation. If your date is older than you, this could definitely add some distress between you and your helicopter parents. There are ways to convince your parents to let you date an older guy without lying or sneaking around. You can keep your relationship with your parents intact while still getting what you want. Please beware if you are below the age of consent: if a guy above the age of consent begins a sexual relationship with you, it is called statutory rape and is illegal.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Proving Yourself to Your Parents

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Act like an adult. You need to show your parents that you are able to make your own informed decisions. If you feel that you deserve the space and freedom that comes with dating an older guy, then you need to understand that it may come with having to do things you don’t necessarily want to do. Try not to complain to your parents, this childish behavior will only hinder your chances. ^{[1]
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- Don't walk around thinking the world revolves around you. An attitude of thinking you deserve everything you want only comes across as obnoxiously selfish.
- People will not go out of their way to give you what you want, so don't waste your parents time by complaining to them about every little thing that has not gone your way.
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Be responsible. Staying true to your word will leave a lasting impression on your parents’ good side. Follow through with any commitments you have made with them, and it will prove that you are capable of keeping an intelligent outlook throughout a relationship with an older guy.
- Get good grades, complete your chores on time, help with babysitting, etc.
- Remember what your parents usually ask of you and complete it before they have to remind you. This responsible behavior will show your parents that you hold their opinions in high regard.
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Be respectful. Respect your parents’ wishes and follow their rules. They usually have rules for your own well-being. Don’t miss curfew and remember to let your parents know how grateful you are whenever they let you do something you want. ^{[2]
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- The next time your parents let you stay out late with friends, show your gratitude by saying thank you and making sure they know that just because they let you stay out one night, it doesn't mean you expect them to give you a later curfew.
- Do not rise your voice to your parents or treat them with with an aggressive attitude.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Advocating for Your Potential Boyfriend

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Plan a group hangout. Set up a time when you can hang out with your group of regular friends, and include your potential boyfriend. Group hang outs with your potential boyfriend will give your parents a chance to see you two interact without a label of “boyfriend/girlfriend” over your heads. When you are ready to speak to your parents about possibly dating this guy, they will know who he is instead of him just being a stranger. ^{[3]
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- Have a movie night at your house or invite everyone to your sibling’s soccer game; two places your parents will most likely be present.
- If your potential boyfriend is not already friends with your group, have an initial hangout session where he gets to meet your friends. Then take the next step and include him with your friends around your parents.
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Explain your feelings. Open up to your parents about what you feel for this guy during your initial conversation with them. Describe his best qualities and make sure to include any thoughtful things he has done for you. Let your parents know why you feel this relationship should move from platonic to romantic. ^{[4]
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- Make sure to emphasize how this relationship will have a positive effect on your life and how you see yourself.
- DO NOT say that you "can't live" without him. Having such an extreme reaction will just show your parents that you are still immature.
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Maintain a trusting relationship. Trust should not just be between you and your parents. Communicate with your potential boyfriend about your overprotective parents and how this possibly could be problematic. He should respect your parents’ opinion and work towards changing their minds, instead of suggesting you lie or go behind their back.
- The less your potential boyfriend negatively interferes in your relationship with your parents, the more likely your parents will be convinced to let you have a relationship with him.
- If your parents find out that you were dating this guy in secret before getting their permission, they may demand an end to the relationship.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Talking with Your Parents

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Choose who to include in your talk. Choose whether to speak with your dad or your mom. You can speak with them separately or at the same time. Think about who you don’t want involved in your conversation, like siblings. ^{[5]
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- Having your siblings around may make you feel too vulnerable to honestly open up to your parents. You may be afraid they will try to get their two cents into the conversation.
- If you are closer to one parent more than the other, focus on having this conversation with them. They will either inform your other parent on their own, or their opinion could be the only one that matters to you.
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Decide when to talk. Remember that your parents are probably thinking about a thousand things at once and if either of them work, they won't have that much time on their hands. Based off what you know about their schedule, pick a timeframe that you know they will be able to give you their undivided attention.
- Wait a few hours after they get home from work so they can calm down and de-stress from their day.
- Talk with your parents on the weekend during breakfast. They are more likely to be relaxed during this time and may be more willing to discuss, rather than dictate.
- Don't bring up the conversation too casually when they are in the middle of doing something, like getting ready for work or taking care of your sibling.
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Pick an environment. Where you talk should be dependent on where you feel comfortable and where you know your parents will be the most level headed. If your house is usually loud and busy, maybe go for a walk with your parents to talk about this sensitive topic. Or bring it up the next time you are in a long car ride with either of them. ^{[6]
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- The calmer the environment, the better you will feel about being vulnerable with your parents.
- If you decide to go for a walk, pick a route you know does not have that many people. If there are strangers around, you may feel anxious they are overhearing your conversation.
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Be direct. Speak as clearly as you can about how you want to date a guy older than you. Speaking to the point will show that you are confident enough to understand how you feel, which in turn will show your parents that you are mature enough for this relationship.^{[7]
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- Write down how you plan to start your conversation.
  - “Mom, I’d like to talk to you about boys and dating.”
- Don't beat around the bush.
  - "I have a friend who wants to start dating an older guy."
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Be honest. The more honest you are with your parents, the more likely they will trust you down the line. Especially when talking about you dating an older guy, don’t hide the truth of your situation or over exaggerate for drama’s sake. Lying will only hurt your chances. ^{[8]
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Try to see their side. Your parents are overprotective for a reason. If they are telling you why they don’t want you to date an older guy, try your best to see where they are coming from. When you start understanding their side of the argument, make sure to let them know. They will put more weight on your views and feelings if they see you are attempting to understand their own. ^{[9]
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- You want your parents to take you seriously. Do not use an aggressive or whiney tone to convince them.
- Talk with them in a friendly manner, making sure to actively listen when they speak. Your attitude will dictate theirs.
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Be open to compromise. Overprotective parents may not give you what you want the first time around, but this doesn’t mean you have to give up. Make sure everyone involved is allowed to express their needs, concerns, and issues dealing with you dating an older guy. You may have to deal with a few restrictions on your new relationship at the start. ^{[10]
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- Your parents may consent to you dating an older guy only if the dates are supervised. Don't fight, instead do what they say and eventually they may loosen their grip.
- You may not be allowed to go on dates during the school week. Accept it for now and maybe they will increase your privileges with time.

Warnings

Statuary rape is a serious offense. Please keep the age of consent in mind before beginning a relationship with an older guy.

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