How to Deal With Overly Optimistic People

Last Updated: September 9, 2022 References

Being around happy, positive people can be a good thing. However, being around people that are overly optimistic to the point where they’re detached from reality can be difficult to deal with. Rather than let overly optimistic people annoy or exasperate you, deal with them by using strategies like accepting it, avoiding them, or questioning their outlook. Remember, you can always ignore their optimism if people are driving you crazy!

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Accepting Their Optimism

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Practice tolerance. Just as there are some people that can never see a solution, only a problem; there are people that can always see ‘the bright side’ of everything. You can’t force anyone to be less optimistic, so take an accepting and tolerant attitude when dealing with people that are.^{[1]
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Research source} When they are still convinced that a plan will work even though everything indicates it won’t, just accept that their optimism is impervious and don’t let it upset you.
2
Follow their example. Extreme optimism can be considered by some as delusional. Most people, however, would agree that there is nothing wrong with being positive and believing that good things will happen. Tapping into their optimism is not only a way to be more accepting, but also a great way to improve your own attitude.
- Perhaps you are actually too pessimistic. Examine yourself and see if following their example might help you to develop a better outlook on life and situations.
- While you don’t have to take it to their level, try to find the positive side of situations. This isn’t just a characteristic of the overly optimistic, but also of effective problem-solving.^{[2]
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Listen to them. Don’t assume that you can dismiss what they are saying because of their excessive enthusiasm. Listen to what they are saying before you begin to make judgment on its validity or worth.^{[3]
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- Overly optimistic people can help explore alternative solutions to a problem because they are trying to find a way to make everything work out okay.
- Deep in all that fluffy optimism there could also be great gems of wisdom and insight.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Challenging Their Outlook

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Have a reality check. Sometimes you have to deal with overly optimistic people by bringing them down to earth. Specifically, in situations where their extreme optimism might have serious negative consequences, talking to them about the reality of the situation is often the best course of action.^{[4]
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Research source} Let them know that you are talking to them because you are concerned and want the best for them.
- Explain to them that while optimism can definitely be a good thing, being overly optimistic can actually cause problems.
- For example, being overly optimistic when making a risky investment (“I know this horse is going to win!”) can lead to financial ruin. Or as an extreme example, being too optimistic that an abusive spouse will stop can eventually lead to serious injury or worse.
- Talk to them in a respectful way in private. Try saying, “I admire how you always see the good in everything! I am a bit concerned, though, that your optimistic outlook might have negative consequences in this situation”
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Ask for details. People that are overly optimistic are often thinking about the ‘big picture’ and not focusing on the details of how that picture will be made.^{[5]
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Research source} Gently challenging their outlook by asking for details forces them to consider the likelihood and reality of what they are proposing.
- For example, if a co-worker is sure that a new workflow plan will solve all the company’s problems, ask them about budget, staff, product, process, etc.
- You could say for example, “That sounds like a great goal! What specifically will we need to do and have to reach it? Do we have those resources? What is the timeline? What steps do we need to take? How likely is it that we can complete all of the tasks needed for this to work? ”
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Talk about contingency plans. Sometimes you can show someone the absurdity of their plans by presenting them with more reasonable alternatives. If someone is overly optimistic about something, talking to them about other options is a gentle way to challenge their outlook.^{[6]
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- For example, if your friend is heavily in debt, yet still optimistically planning an extravagant vacation, talk to him about some more economic alternatives that can be just as rewarding.
- Try saying, “That sounds exciting! Have you considered any other options? Like, what about…”

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Avoiding an Annoying Optimist

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Limit your interactions. Sometimes people can simply be a bit too happy for your taste. If their optimism isn’t harming anyone (or anything) and you just can’t handle their sunny outlook, then try to limit your time around them. Keeping your interactions to a minimum will keep you from becoming annoyed.^{[7]
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- Without being rude, try not to sit next to them or loiter in places you know they frequent.
- For example, if you are at a dinner party with them, try to sit at the other end of the table so that it’s not so easy for them to talk to you.
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Appear busy. People usually don’t take it personally if you are a bit dismissive if you seem very busy or in a hurry.^{[8]
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Research source}One way to avoid overly optimistic people is to seem deeply engaged in some other activity. When you see the person coming, try to look as if you are in middle of doing something or going somewhere and can’t really be interrupted.
- You don’t have to run when you see them coming, but try excuse yourself when they come around.
- For example, you can politely say hello and then quickly walk away (as if you have somewhere to be) before they start telling you about all the wonderful things that can happen.
- If you are at your desk and see them coming, frown at your monitor, shuffle some papers, type a few lines, give them a quick smile and then go back to frowning and typing.
3
Ignore the fluff. Sometimes you can’t entirely avoid someone that is overly optimistic, but you can tune out the unimportant chatter. In particular, if they are making small talk, it’s better to let your mind wander a bit than to let their extreme happiness annoy you.^{[9]
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- This doesn’t mean ignore them completely. That is rude. It does mean that you don’t have to hang on to their every word.
- For example, if you end up on the elevator with them and they start excitedly telling you how great life is, it’s okay to smile slightly and nod a little while you mentally go over your to-do list.
- Sometimes, like when receiving feedback, ignoring the fluff just means looking through their euphemisms to see the heart of what they are saying.

Expert Q&A

Question

What does overly optimistic mean?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

It means that one ignores the reality in any situation. For example, they might say "Don't worry, we will get by" when there is not enough money that month to cover all the bills instead of, "Let's list all the bills and see which ones we will have to make a smaller payment on this month, and call the creditors."
Question

Who is an optimistic person?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

An optimistic person is one who tends to see the positive and doability in any situation. It is a "glass half full" person.
Question

How do you deal with positive people?

Klare Heston, LCSW
Licensed Social Worker
Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker based in Cleveland, Ohio. With experience in academic counseling and clinical supervision, Klare received her Master of Social Work from the Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. She also holds a 2-Year Post-Graduate Certificate from the Gestalt Institute of Cleveland, as well as certification in Family Therapy, Supervision, Mediation, and Trauma Recovery and Treatment (EMDR).

Klare Heston, LCSW

Licensed Social Worker

Expert Answer

You can learn from them if you are not naturally that way. It is easier to be happy than getting upset about the small obstacles in your daily life.

Warnings

You may want to ask yourself why their optimism bothers you. This reaction might mean that you need to sort out some things within yourself.

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No matter how you feel about overly optimistic people, everyone should be treated with respect.

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