How to Feel Better When You're Lonely

Co-authored by Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Last Updated: December 27, 2022 References

There are a lot of things that can cause you to feel lonely. Maybe you've moved away from your friends and family. Or maybe you just are in a social slump. Whatever the reason, loneliness can make you feel really blue. Just remember that you're not the only one who feels that way. Fortunately, there are many steps you can take to feel better when you are lonely.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Strengthening Your Relationships

1
Call a friend. When you are feeling lonely, it might feel like you are isolated. Feeling down can cause you to want to withdraw. That's normal. But you will feel better if you attempt some human contact.
- Pick up the phone. Reach out to a friend and ask if they have a few minutes to talk.
- You can try keeping the tone light, but making your feelings clear. Say, "I'm feeling a little lonely and I could use a laugh. What's the funniest thing that happened to you today?"
- The phone is a great way to keep in touch. Maybe you have moved away from some of your friends and are looking for a way to connect. Don't be afraid to dial their numbers regularly.
- If you are too overwhelmed to call a friend in the moment, make a list of the people you could call next time you are feeling up for it.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.}
2
Plan a trip. Traveling is a great way to beat the loneliness blues. Figure out somewhere to go and start planning. Organizing a trip will give you something fun to focus on and look forward to.^{[2]
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- Go visit a friend. Have you been longing for a girls weekend with your best friends? Find a great spot to meet and start planning.
- You can also plan a solo trip. Choose a place to visit that you've always wanted to see.
- You could also mix some alone time with some socializing. Have you been missing your brother lately? Take a road trip. You can take a few days to yourself on your way to visit him.
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3
Schedule a get together. Start putting some dates on the calendar. Reach out to some friends and set up some outings. When you're feeling lonely, it can be really helpful to have something fun to look forward to.
- Plan a variety of activities. For example, e-mail a friend you haven't seen in a while and ask if she's free for a coffee date.
- You could also schedule some evening activities. Ask your neighbor if he wants to try out the new pizza place around the corner.
- Consider having a party. You don't need a special occasion to reach out to your friends and ask them to come over for a wine and cheese party.
4
Spend quality time with someone. When you are feeling especially lonely, it might not be enough to just have a casual get together with a friend. Sometimes you might feel like you need some more in-depth bonding. Try reaching out to someone you really care for and asking for some quality time.
- Contact a family member. Try saying, "I've been feeling a little down lately. It would be great to spend some time with you. Do you mind if I come spend the weekend with you?"
- Be honest about how you're feeling. Remember, it's normal to feel lonely. Let your friends and family help.
- Do something you enjoy. Ask a close friend to go on a long hike with you. The fresh air and companionship might make you feel better.
5
Preform a random act of kindness. You don't have to reach out to someone you know. You can actually feel less alone by connecting with a perfect stranger. Try doing something nice for someone.^{[3]
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- Give up your seat on a crowded bus. Smile and say, "Here, you take this seat." You'll feel like you are helping someone, which will make you feel better.
- Volunteer.^{[4]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Find an organization that you find worthwhile and donate your time.
- Consider serving soup at a local soup kitchen. You'll definitely be able to feel like part of a community.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Finding New Activities

1
Leave the house. When you are feeling lonely, it can be tempting to withdraw. You might feel like wallowing in your sadness. However, you can help fight loneliness if you try going out and about.^{[5]
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- Head outside for a walk.^{[6]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} The fresh air will help boost your mood. You'll also see other people, which can help you feel less isolated.
- Run some errands. Sometimes just basic human contact can make you feel more connected to people.
- Try going to the grocery store. You'll be productive and fight your sadness at the same time.
2
Explore your interests. Maybe you're going through a period where you are on your own a lot. Maybe you're working on building new friendships, or maybe it just seems like everyone is busy. Make good use of the free time that you have.^{[7]
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- Take some time to explore the things that interest you. For example, maybe you have always been interested in cooking. Try taking a class to hone your skills.
- Are you an animal lover? Use your free time to volunteer at a shelter.
- Learn to play a musical instrument. This can feel productive and soothing at the same time.
3
Try a new sport. Physical activity is an excellent mood booster.^{[8]
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Expert Source

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Group sports are also an excellent way to meet new people. Join a local team to help yourself feel better.^{[9]
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- Look for a fun recreational league. Many cities offer sports such as basketball, volleyball, and softball.
- You can also join a non-competitive team. Look for a league that offers sports such as kickball or dodge ball.
- Ask a friend or co-worker to join you. You'll get some quality time in with someone you know, and you'll also meet new people.
4
Read a book. Reading is a great way to combat loneliness. If you are reading fiction, you can lose yourself in the story. An engaging read can help you feel more connected to the characters.
- Treat yourself to a new book. Pick up the latest thriller and dive in.
- Talking about books is also a great way to connect with people. Try joining a book club.
- Reading can spark your imagination. The book you read might give you ideas on fun new things to do.
5
Make new friends. Maybe you have moved and haven't met many people in your new town. Or maybe you're in a transition period, and just looking for a new group. Whatever your situation is, you can take steps to meet some new people.^{[10]
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- School is a great place to make new friends. Ask one of your classmates if they want to form a study group with you.
- Work is also a good place to make connections. Organize a happy hour to get to know your new co-workers.
- Start saying hi to your neighbors. Ask the person across the hall if they are interested in taking a walk around the neighborhood on a nice day.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Focusing on Your Needs

1
Acknowledge your emotions. When you are feeling lonely, it can cause a variety of other emotions. You might also feel sad or anxious. Remember that these are normal emotions. Everyone experiences a wide range of feelings.^{[11]
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- Allow yourself to go through several emotions. Know that how you are feeling right now will not last forever.
- Accept your emotions. Say to yourself, "I'm feeling lonely now, and that's normal."
- Once you accept how you are feeling, you'll be in a better position to move forward. Ignoring your emotions will only block your progress.
2
Ask for help. It's perfectly normal to feel lonely from time to time. However, it is important to monitor your mental health. You don't want the feeling to drag on for a long period of time. You also don't want it to develop into something more severe,^{[12]
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- Talk to a family member. Try saying, "Mom, I've been feeling really lonely lately. Do you have time to talk?"
- You can also reach out to a close friend. You could say, "Sarah, we haven't been able to spend much time together lately. Do you have any free time soon when we could hang out?"
- Consider seeing a counselor.^{[13]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Chloe Carmichael, PhD
  Licensed Clinical Psychologist
  Expert Interview. 29 May 2019.} Sometimes a mental health professional can give you some very helpful, objective advice.
3
Learn to enjoy your own company. Sometimes being lonely isn't a bad thing. It can give you a reason to reflect and get to know yourself better. Take some steps to learn to be your own friend.^{[14]
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- Don't be afraid of alone time. You can still do the things that you enjoy.
- Try going to a movie by yourself. You'll likely find that it's nice to be able to pick the movie, and you won't have to share your popcorn.
- Be kind to yourself. Try not to get down on yourself. Take a minute each day to think of something that you like about yourself.
4
Ignore social media. It might seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes social media can make you feel even more lonely. Many people experience "fear of missing out". This can be enhanced when you see pictures of your friends doing something fun.^{[15]
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- Don't scroll through Facebook or Instagram when you are feeling lonely. You might start to feel bad that you're not out doing something fun.
- Instead, go out and do something. Take a walk, or call a friend for a long chat.

Expert Q&A

Question

What can I do to understand why I am lonely?

Chloe Carmichael, PhD
Licensed Clinical Psychologist
Chloe Carmichael, PhD is a Licensed Clinical Psychologist who runs a private practice in New York City. With over a decade of psychological consulting experience, Dr. Chloe specializes in relationship issues, stress management, self esteem, and career coaching. She has also instructed undergraduate courses at Long Island University and has served as adjunct faculty at the City University of New York. Dr. Chloe completed her PhD in Clinical Psychology at Long Island University in Brooklyn, New York and her clinical training at Lenox Hill Hospital and Kings County Hospital. She is accredited by the American Psychological Association and is the author of “Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety” and “Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.”

Chloe Carmichael, PhD

Licensed Clinical Psychologist

Expert Answer

Try to write down how you feel in a journal. It's an ironic thing, but when we try to stifle our emotions, they often times get louder. Instead of trying to get rid of them, it's always good to actually ask yourself what emotions you are feeling. Try to think about the context and what is making you feel that way.