How to Get a Girl to Talk to You

Co-authored by Connell Barrett and Danielle Blinka, MA, MPA

Last Updated: June 4, 2022 References

Talking to a girl is only half the battle. You also have to get her to talk to you! Fortunately, it’s a lot easier to get a girl to talk to you than you might think. First, you’ll want to get her attention. Then, you'll need to find a way to interact with her. After you've made contact, you can use an easy conversation starter that’s sure to get a response.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Getting Her Attention

1
Take care of your hygiene. Smelling good will make everyone feel more comfortable around you, including the girl you like. Keep yourself clean by showering daily and using personal care products, such as soap, shampoo, and deodorant.^{[1]
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- Take a shower in the morning.
- Wear deodorant.
- Consider wearing cologne, if you have some. However, don't apply too much!
- Make sure your clothes are clean and wrinkle-free.
2
Dress to impress. Wearing the right clothes can get you noticed. Your clothes should make you look your best and match the occasion. Choose clothing that fits you well and shows off your personality. Pick something that makes you feel confident, as that confidence will show in how you carry yourself.^{[2]
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- Consider where you're going when choosing the perfect look. For example, you might look handsome in a suit, but you'll look out of place if you wear that to school. Similarly, you might look out of place at a rock concert if you're wearing a preppy golf shirt.
- For example, you might choose a t-shirt that features a band you and the girl both like, or you could copy a trendy look worn by your favorite singer.
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3
Show your talents and interests with your clothes, speech, and actions. This helps boost your confidence and get her attention. Write down a few awesome things about yourself, then show them off at school. You can do that by joining a club or team, choosing clothes that represent those things, or talking about them.^{[3]
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- Ask yourself questions like these: Are you smart? Do you play a sport? Can you play an instrument? What are your hobbies?
- For example, you could bring your guitar to school and play a few tunes before school to show off your musical talent. Alternatively, pass out flyers for an upcoming show your band is doing or enter the talent show.
- If you play a school sport, you could wear your school issued sports t-shirt, if you're allowed to. Otherwise, wear a shirt that represents that sport, such as your favorite team jersey.
- If you're an artist, you might paint or draw on your shoes, pants, jacket, or t-shirt. Wear it to school with pride!
- If you're a skilled programmer, you might join the computer science club and go to competitions. Show off your awards at school and wear your team shirt to class.
4
Be confident. If the girl sees you as confident, she’ll be more interested in you. You can show confidence by smiling, maintaining eye contact, and being assertive.^{[4]
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Research source} Walk, sit, and stand with good posture. Keep your back straight, with your face forward.
- Remind yourself why you’re a great catch! For example, you might repeat a pep talk to yourself before you go into school. Similarly, you could keep a note with your best qualities in your phone so that you can review it when you need a boost. That will put some pep in your step.
5
Be yourself when you're around her. It's tempting to try to be someone you're not to attract someone you like, but this doesn't work. Not only are you misrepresenting yourself, you'll likely come across as false. Being your authentic self will attract the right person to you. If it's not her, that's okay.^{[5]
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- Stay true to your beliefs. Don't agree with everything she says if you think she's wrong.
- Do what makes you comfortable. For example, don't act like you're outgoing if you're normally more introverted.
- Stay true to your own interests. For example, don't pretend to love her favorite band if you actually hate it. However, it's okay to ask her for more information about what interests her. For example, you can ask her about her photography hobby, but don't pretend like you're also a photographer if it's not true.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Making Contact

1
Join a club she’s in. This will give you an opportunity to hang out with her in a casual social setting. Before you join, make sure that you’re knowledgeable about the club’s subject.
- Go to the club’s meetings and participate in any social events.
- Don’t approach her right away. Instead, try to participate in the club activities and let your meeting happen naturally.
2
Reach out on social media. Follow her on social media, then send her a direct message. Keep your message casual. For example, send her a meme that reminds you of something that happened in class that day.
- Write, “Lol, this meme reminds me Ms. Ray today.”
- You might want to send an introductory message before you send her a meme. What you choose to send first will depend on how well you know each other. For example, you might start with the meme if you're classmates who talk sometimes. However, you might want to introduce yourself first if you only know each other through mutual friends.
- Wait for her to respond before you send another message. If you send several messages at once, she will likely find it annoying.
3
Connect through mutual friends. You can ask your mutual friends to introduce you, or you can set up a group activity that will include the girl you want to talk to. Your friends may also be able to give you insight into what she likes.
- For example, invite your friends to go bowling and make sure that the girl gets an invite, as well.
4
Walk up to her directly.^{[6]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} The best time to do this is before school or during lunch. You might also approach her during an activity you're both enrolled in, such as an after school club. You’ll show that you’re confident if you walk up to her without hesitation. Smile as you make your approach so that she knows you’re friendly.
- Confidence will make you more appealing!^{[7]
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- Know what you are going to say before you walk up to her.
- Don't interrupt a conversation she's having with someone else.
- It's also not a good idea to walk up to her between classes or when she's walking purposefully. In this case, she might be annoyed that you're interrupting her when she's trying to get where she needs to go.
5
Make eye contact to get her attention. Try to get her attention when you see her, especially when it might be a good time to talk, such as during lunch. Eye contact both captures her attention and shows that you are confident. Once you catch her eyes, you can start talking to her.^{[8]
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- For example, you could try to make eye contact when you arrive to a class you both share. Alternatively, you could try to make eye contact in the lunch line.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Starting a Conversation

1
Wait until she's not busy. If she's doing something or talking to someone else, then it's not a good time to try to talk to her. Interrupting what she's doing will likely annoy her, making her less receptive to having a conversation. Additionally, she'll likely be distracted. Instead, wait until she's free.
- For example, don't try to talk to her if you see her reviewing her notes before class starts. A better time might be while she's waiting in the lunch line.
2
Tell her a joke.^{[9]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Showing off your sense of humor is a great way to get her talking. After she laughs at your joke, keep the conversation going. You could tell another joke, or bring up a topic you know interests her.^{[10]
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- If you don’t think you’re funny, look up a few jokes online. Just make sure the ones you choose aren’t dirty jokes, cruel, hurtful, or otherwise inappropriate.
- For example, “Have you ever heard of the claustrophobic astronaut? He just needed a little space.”
3
Make a comment about a shared interest or experience. For example, you might say something about a class you’re both taking. You can loudly say your comment or lean in close to say it just to her.^{[11]
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- You could say, “First period is too early for Shakespeare. It should say, ‘To sleep, or not to sleep.’”
- If you lean in, don’t get too close to her. It’s also a good idea to use a breath mint beforehand!
4
Request a simple favor. Stick to something small, such as a copy of her biology notes or to borrow a pencil. This will spark an interaction between you two.^{[12]
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- Say, “I was absent yesterday. Could I take a photo of your bio notes?”
- After she responds, try to keep the conversation going. If you can’t, that’s okay! Wait 1-2 days, then try to talk to her again.
5
Ask her a basic question.^{[13]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Stick to topics that are appropriate for someone you don’t know well, such as school, mutual interests, popular movies and TV shows, and food. Your topic should be casual, such as a question about movies rather than a question about politics. Start by asking her a passing question about a factual topic. If that goes well, try asking her about herself.^{[14]
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- For example, ask for information. Say, “Do you know which lunch line has pizza today?”
- If you feel comfortable, ask her to share her thoughts on something. Say, “What did you think about the latest superhero film?”
- After she gives an answer, give her your opinion on the same topic to keep the conversation going. Try to reward each of her answers with 1 of your own before asking another question.
6
Give her a casual but sincere compliment.^{[15]
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Expert Source

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 24 September 2019.} Don’t focus too much on her physical appearance. Instead, point out what you like about her style, talents, or academic performance.^{[16]
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- You could say, “Haha, your shirt is so funny,” “Great job in Friday’s game,” “That was a great answer in class today,” or “Cool backpack.”
- After she says, “Thank you,” try to extend the conversation with a follow-up comment.
7
Actively listen to her response. Look at her while she’s talking, and nod along to show you’re listening. Give occasional affirmative responses, such as “Uh-huh” or “That’s crazy.” Before you respond, summarize what she’s said.^{[17]
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- For example, say, “Wow, it sounds like you’re an expert on the Marvel Universe.”
8
Express interest in what she has to say. She’s more likely to keep talking if she knows you’re interested. In addition to actively listening, you should ask her additional questions and make comments to show you’re interested.^{[18]
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- Ask questions like, “What did you think about the end of the movie?” or “What do you think will happen next?”
- Say, “That’s a great point!”
- Keep the conversation going by sharing your own thoughts on the subject. You don't want to ask her too many questions. Make a point to share a bit of your own thoughts or interests for each thing she shares about herself. After you share, let her have a chance to talk again. If you feel like the conversation is starting to lull, it's okay to ask another question.

Conversation Help

Starting a Conversation with a Girl

Getting a Girl to Talk to You over Text

Expert Q&A
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Question

How can I make a girl want to talk to me?

Connell Barrett
Dating Coach
Connell Barrett is a Relationship Expert and the Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation in New York City. Connell has over five years of experience as an international coach who helps men connect with women by unlocking their best, true, most confident selves. He is the author of the Amazon bestseller “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” and has appeared on Good Morning America, the "Today" show, Access Hollywood, and in Best Life, Cosmopolitan, and The Oprah Magazine. In 2019 he was named Datezie.com's “New York City’s Best Male Dating Coach."

Connell Barrett

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

Support wikiHow by unlocking this expert answer.

Try to keep your conversation casual and about something you have in common. That way, she won't feel uncomfortable while you're talking.
Question

What do you do if they adamantly refuse to talk to you? I don't even get a "go away" or "you're creepy."

Danielle Husband

Community Answer

If she doesn't want to talk to you, respect her decision. Sometimes people just don't want to talk, and that's okay. You've likely encountered people you didn't want to talk to, so try to remember that. Instead, try to focus your efforts on someone who does want to talk to you.
Question

One of my best friends stopped talking to me, and I want her to talk to me again. What do I do?

Danielle Husband

Community Answer

Be the first to reach out. Send her a nice message on social media, such as a photo of you 2 together with a note about how much you miss her. Alternatively, invite her to sit with you at lunch. Let her know that you miss her and want to make up.

Warnings

Don’t follow the girl around, as this can make her uncomfortable.

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Avoid inappropriate topics when talking to her.

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Drop the pickup lines. They can be a big turn-off.

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Don’t touch a girl without her permission. This will make her uncomfortable and may get you in trouble.

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