How to Have a Strong Personality

Co-authored by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA

Last Updated: June 3, 2020 References Approved

Do you wish you could strengthen your personality? Would you like to become more direct and decisive?^{[1]
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Research source} Many people want to develop strong personality traits like assertiveness, leadership, and resilience. These traits are desired because people that embody them are seen as adventurous, friendly, spontaneous, and usually hold leadership positions in which their opinions are respected. Learn to appreciate personality traits, and work to develop your strong traits.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Understanding Personality Traits

1
Understand what personality describes. Personality, in psychological terms, describes individual characteristics that are unique to one person. These include ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.^{[2]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source} These combine to determine how the person responds to certain situations.^{[3]
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- Some examples of personality traits include: honest, moody, outgoing, friendly, or impulsive.^{[4]
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2
Recognize basic personality theory. There are many different theories to explain how personalities develop and why some people have certain characteristics and not others.^{[5]
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Trustworthy Source
Simply Psychology
Popular site for evidence-based psychology information
Go to source} Many of these theories are based on beliefs that personality is biologically or environmentally based (the "nature versus nurture" theory).^{[6]
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Trustworthy Source
Simply Psychology
Popular site for evidence-based psychology information
Go to source} Once a personality develops, the traits are usually stable across time.^{[7]
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- Allport's trait theory argues that personality traits are biologically determined, but formed by environmental experience.^{[8]
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  Simply Psychology
  Popular site for evidence-based psychology information
  Go to source}
- Eysenck's personality theory believes that personality can be understood by looking at a few dimensions of a person's entire behavior.^{[9]
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  Trustworthy Source
  Simply Psychology
  Popular site for evidence-based psychology information
  Go to source}
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3
Appreciate your unique personality traits. Realize that all parts of your personality have value. Sometimes it can be difficult to recognize subtle personality traits, since strong characteristics are dominant. These subtle traits, such as predictability, generosity, and sympathy,^{[10]
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Research source} are just as important as the prominent ones.
- Don't forget that more subdued personality traits are very strong in certain situations or roles. For example, empathy and conscientiousness are vital during major life events, like weddings or funerals.
4
Value other people's personality traits. Realize that not everyone has a unique assortment of personality traits. Appreciating the differences in personality traits between people can benefit you when you are working on a team or are a manager. Valuing more subtle, but strong traits like empathy and generosity can help strengthen relationships and make working as a team easier.^{[11]
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- The most effective leaders and managers are able to appreciate, enhance, and effectively use different personality types.^{[12]
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- For example, if you notice that someone on your team is soft spoken, but very informed on a subject, have that person create detailed project materials or programs. This will put the person's skills to use without causing the person anxiety.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Developing Assertiveness

1
Understand how assertiveness is a strength. Assertiveness is the ability to express your opinions or stand up for your own needs tactfully, without aggression or defensiveness. It's often seen as the opposite of passivity or shyness. There are a few different aspects to being assertive that include the ability to:^{[13]
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- Request things from others (like favors), delegate, ask for help, and express needs or wants.
- Express negative emotions such as disagreement, complaints, the desire to be alone, and to refuse the requests of others.
- Show positive emotions such as pride or attraction and give compliments to others.
- Question authority and tradition by asking why with respect. This demonstrates your investment to make change happen and shows you share control in decision making.
- Start, continue, and stop conversations with others confidently, as well as the ability to change the topic of conversations and share opinions or experiences.
- Productively deal with daily irritations before they become reasons for anger.
2
Identify areas of your life in which you would like to be more assertive. You may want to be more assertive at work. Or, maybe you want to become more assertive at home.^{[14]
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Research source} Spend some time considering which parts of your life would benefit from you standing up for yourself. It may help to think about what you're struggling with right now.
- For instance, maybe you'd like to be able to tell your boss that you're overloaded and want to delegate tasks to another team member.
- For example, if your partner repeatedly does something that bothers you, you might want the ability to express that frustration tactfully.
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Be assertive with another person. Describe the situation or issue, while being as specific as possible about how you see things. Take care not to use "you" statements. These can sound accusatory and aren't usually taken well. Use "I" statements instead.^{[15]
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Research source} Express your opinion firmly while maintaining eye contact and composure. Clearly and specifically describe how you'd like the situation to change.
- For example, if a friend repeatedly cancels plans with you, you might say, "When you cancel plans, I feel frustrated and hurt. In the future, please only make plans you intend on keeping or give me extra notice."^{[16]
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- Be reasonable with your requests and consider the other person’s needs or restraints. Be open to feedback and be willing to make changes as needed.
- It might seem like you're being rude when you tell someone "no" or let them know they crossed a boundary, but you'll be able to have healthier relationships if you're not constantly worried about pleasing others. Remember, it's important for you to take care of yourself, and you can't do that if you always put other people first.^{[17]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.}
4
Practice by role-playing. Role-playing is an exercise where you ask someone to play the person you'll actually be speaking with. This gives you a great chance to practice having a strong personality before you actually interact with the person. Practice by assertively saying everything you're planning on expressing to the person.^{[18]
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- This will help you work through rough points in the conversation and can boost your confidence for the actual talk.
- Role-playing is just as beneficial for you as it is for the person you'll eventually be speaking with. It can give you insight as to your communication style and lets you change the conversation based on what's working and what isn't.^{[19]
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Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Developing Leadership and Resilience

1
Understand how leadership is a strong personality trait. Leadership is the ability to direct, motivate, or inspire others to challenge themselves or accomplish goals.^{[20]
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Research source} This may seem completely natural for some people, but you can also learn and develop this skill. Leadership doesn't simply mean leading a large group of people. You can use this skill to positively influence others in your peer group, such as moving conversations to positive or more interesting topics.
- It can also help you gain the trust of work colleagues or supervisors.^{[21]
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- For example, you might find that normally you sit back and listen to conversations. But, you may find yourself in a group where no one is really talking. Leadership might be as simple as getting the group to talk about something, whether it's politics or a new tv show.
- If you don't feel like leadership skills come naturally to you, identify some people in your life who you see as strong leaders. Then, pay attention to their habits and routines, and see if that inspires you to make any changes in your own life.^{[22]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.}
2
Try activities that strengthen your leadership skills. There's no set way to become a leader. Instead, develop a variety of skills that create a sense of leadership. You might try volunteering to coach a little league team, participate on a planning committee at work, sign up for special leadership projects at your office, or find a mentor who is experienced at leading and influencing others.^{[23]
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Research source} Use these activities to develop the following skills:^{[24]
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- Motivating others and giving direction
- Being comfortable with taking on responsibility and accepting responsibility for mistakes if they happen
- Taking the initiative to make a change
- Organizing others, such as in events or gatherings
- Learning from frustration or failure
- Excellent listening skills to hear the opinions and needs of the group
- Flexibility to change the plan if needed
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Develop resilience. Resilience is the ability to endure stress and the ability to adapt to changes.^{[25]
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Research source} For example, you might be resilient if you find out you have chronic disease, but are able to keep an optimistic attitude and inspire those around you. It may seem like resilience comes naturally to some people, but you can actually learn it to become more resilient.^{[26]
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Research source} If you're resilient, you're might be able to:^{[27]
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Trustworthy Source
American Psychological Association
Leading scientific and professional organization of licensed psychologists
Go to source}
- Create and continue with realistic plans
- Be confident in your abilities
- Communicate effectively and solve problems
- Manage powerful emotions and impulses
4
Work to build strong relationships. Even the most resilient person may struggle to deal with stressful situations. Having strong relationships can help you build your resistance to difficult times. Seek relationships with friends, family, or your community. These relationships can create a strong support network that can boost your resilience.^{[28]
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Create a resilient mindset. People that don't have strong resilient personalities might have a hard time finding solutions to difficult situations. If this sounds like you, you may feel like the situation will last forever and that there's nothing you can do. Strengthen your personality by learning to trust yourself. Recognize that you may not be able to change your circumstance, but you can change how you interpret it.^{[29]
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- For example, if you're struggling with a tough training period after starting a new job, remind yourself that training will end and you'll be prepared to work in your new job setting. The training period is temporary.
- When you find something you're passionate about, you'll typically find that it's easier to stay motivated.^{[30]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
  Life Coach
  Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.} That might make it easier to be resilient if you face any setbacks.
6
Take action to fix your problems. If you feel like you're stuck and that your life is just the same routine, do something to make a change, especially when you're going through a hard time. It is tempting to disengage and stew when things get hard. But, it is important to work through any problems by taking action where you can. The feeling of moving forward will help you bounce back and feel like you're in control of the situation.^{[31]
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- For example, maybe you've been told that you'll never become a professional athlete. You could keep trying, against the odds, or put your energy towards a new hobby. Don't simply give up and give in.