How to Kick People out Politely

Co-authored by Tami Claytor and Sophia Latorre

Last Updated: February 20, 2022 References

It can be an awkward situation when you find yourself needing to kick people out of a party or out of your home. Don’t worry, though, there are polite ways you can ask them to make their exit. Not only can you drop hints that’s it time to go, you can also directly, but politely, state that they need to leave. Be sure to consider the situation and the feelings of the person or people in question when deciding what to do.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Giving Hints

1
Suggest moving the party to another location. If you simply want to get the guests out of your home but don’t mind spending more time together, you can suggest going somewhere else. For instance, say “Let’s grab a drink at Joey’s bar,” or “Who wants to go bowling?” Your friends are likely to toss around suggestions until you all agree on the next destination.
- If you don’t want to move to the next location, say something like, “I heard the new bar around the corner has amazing drink specials on Thursdays,” or “Cheers is a great place for a nightcap.” Hopefully your guests will take the hint and agree to move the party elsewhere.
2
Pretend they’re the ones that are ready to leave. When you’re ready to call it a night, say something like, “Wow, I’ve kept you here half the night! Why don’t I clean up while you all head home for some rest?” or “Gosh, you’ve been held hostage here for hours! I’m sure you must be exhausted and ready to go home.” They’re unlikely to argue with you or insist they stay longer, so you’ll have your home to yourself again in no time.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.}^{[2]
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3
Mention the time in a surprised manner.^{[3]
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Expert Source

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.} Make a show of looking at your watch and being shocked by the time. You could say, “Oh my goodness! It’s after midnight!” or “Wow, I had no idea six hours had passed!” This should cue your friends that it’s time to wrap up the evening.^{[4]
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4
Inform your friends that you’ve got a busy schedule. Reminding people that you have other responsibilities or commitments can get them to move along. Say something like, “I still need to do a load of wash before turning in,” or “My day is jam-packed tomorrow, so I need to get some rest.” Hopefully, they’ll take the hint and decide to hit the road.^{[5]
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5
Ask a close friend to help you out. If one of your close friends is in attendance, you can ask for their help to get your guests to leave. Speak to them privately and ask them to leave a certain time. When that time comes, your friend can stand up, stretch, and announce they’re heading out for the evening. Usually, your other guests will get the hint and follow suit.^{[6]
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- Your friend could say, “What a lovely evening! It’s getting late, though, so it’s time for me to go.”
6
Yawn repeatedly. Yawning will signify that you’re tired and ready to wrap up the evening. This hint works especially well if it’s late at night, though it won’t be convincing in the middle of the day. You can also act drowsy or distracted, which can signify to your guests that it’s time for them to make their exit.^{[7]
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7
Busy yourself with end-of-the-night tasks. Clear the table or head to the kitchen to take care of the dishes. You could also turn off the music, blow out the candles, or turn off lights in rooms that aren’t being used. All these things will tip off your guests that the evening has come to an end.^{[8]
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8
Feign sickness such as a headache or stomachache. If you feel comfortable telling this kind of white lie, it can be very effective. Keep it as a last resort though, as being upfront is a better approach. Most people despise being sick, so they’ll be likely to exit quickly to avoid catching a bug.^{[9]
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- You could say, “I think I’m getting sick,” or “I’m actually not feeling well. Do you mind if we resume this another time?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Asking People to Leave

1
Make a joke out of the situation. If you think your guests will receive a joke well, you can use one to tell them it’s time to leave. Then, laugh lightly to show them you’re kidding around. Usually, people will get the message and head home, rather than waiting for you to ask them again.^{[10]
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- For example, say, “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here!” Alternatively, say, “Well, I’m heading to bed.^{[11]
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  Tami Claytor
  Etiquette Coach
  Expert Interview. 16 February 2022.} Turn the lights out and lock the door when you leave!”
2
Ask if you can get them anything else. Offering your guests a final drink, leftovers from the meal, or a treat for the way home lets them know the evening has come to an end. It also makes them feel as though they’re getting a gift, which takes the sting out of being indirectly asked to leave.^{[12]
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- Say to your guests, “Can I get you anything else?” or “Would you like a bottle of water for the ride home?”
3
Announce to guests that the party’s over. If you’re hosting a party or other event and are ready for your guests to head home, you can let them know that it’s time to go. Say “Sorry, everyone, but the party’s over! I had a great time and hope to see you all again soon.” This is direct, but polite, and should get your guests moving along.
4
Tell roommates you need your own space. If you’re living with a roommate or significant other and own or lease the property in your name, you can ask them to move out. Make time to have a conversation when just the two of you are together. Be calm and considerate of their feelings.^{[13]
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- You could say, “Though we had some good times living here together, it’s no longer working out. I’m sorry, but I need to ask you to move out.”
- If the person is on your lease and refuses to move out, you may need to get the police involved.
5
Explain to your houseguests that they’ve overstayed their welcome. It can be a difficult situation if a friend or family member is staying with you and you’re ready for them to leave. Give them specific reasons why they’ve overstayed their welcome.^{[14]
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- You could say, “We can’t afford for you to live here any longer,” if they are a drain on your finances and haven’t offered to contribute to utility or grocery bills.
- If someone has taken over a room in your home, say “We really need Sasha to have her own room back,” or “Dave needs to use his office on a daily basis, and he hasn’t been able to do that while you’ve been here.”
6
Offer to help house guests find a new living situation. When you ask your houseguests to leave, you should also offer to help them figure out where to go! For example, you could get online and look for ads for places for rent within their budget or go with them to check out homes they’re interested in.^{[15]
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Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Handling the Situation Well

1
Be reasonable and respectful. This is a delicate situation, so you’ll want to do your best to keep your guests from getting defensive. Avoid making digs or being rude by saying things like, “Gosh, don’t you have anywhere else to hang out?” Instead, say something like, “We’ve enjoyed having you here, Zach. I hope we can keep in touch,” or “Thanks for coming, Lisa! Let’s get together for lunch soon.”^{[16]
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- Avoid requesting to keep in touch or meet up again if you truly don’t have the desire to do so. In that case, simply say, “I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to go.”
2
Be prepared for them to be upset. Sometimes, your guests may be upset about being asked to leave, even if you asked them nicely. This is a risk you’re going to have to take when you feel strongly about getting them to go home. Remind them that you care about them, and that it’s not personal.^{[17]
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- For example, say, “It’s nothing personal, George, I’ve got a busy morning at the office tomorrow. Let’s get together for drinks this weekend, though, what do you think?”
- You could also say, “Veronica, I see that you're upset, but please don’t take this as a personal attack. We agreed that you could stay for one week, and it’s been ten days. I can help you find an apartment that’s available now, if you’d like.”
3
Provide firm times for them to leave before the event. Make it clear from the beginning how long you’d like your guests to stay. Write a specific time on the invitation, such as “from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m.” If you invite them over the phone or in person, mention when expect them to leave by saying something such as, “We’ll need to wrap things up by 9 tonight because Gina’s got an early work meeting.”^{[18]
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- Alternatively, when guests arrive, you could say “The party’s over at 11 tonight,” or “We’ve got a busy schedule tomorrow, so it won’t be a late night.”
- When dealing with house guests, make your expectations clear by saying something such as, “You can stay with us for 2 weeks only,” or “You’ll need to find a different arrangement by the 1st of April.”
4
Don’t let them change your mind. When you’re ready for guests to leave, they may try to convince you to let them stay. However, if you’re at the point of asking them directly, it’s clear that you feel strongly about having your home to yourself. House guests might ask if they can stay a few more days or party guests might try to convince you that the night is still young. Be firm in your decision and repeat your request or reasoning if needed.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you get someone out of your home without being mean?

Tami Claytor
Etiquette Coach
Tami Claytor is an Etiquette Coach, Image Consultant, and the Owner of Always Appropriate Image and Etiquette Consulting in New York, New York. With over 20 years of experience, Tami specializes in teaching etiquette classes to individuals, students, companies, and community organizations. Tami has spent decades studying cultures through her extensive travels across five continents and has created cultural diversity workshops to promote social justice and cross-cultural awareness. She holds a BA in Economics with a concentration in International Relations from Clark University. Tami studied at the Ophelia DeVore School of Charm and the Fashion Institute of Technology, where she earned her Image Consultant Certification.

Tami Claytor

Etiquette Coach

Expert Answer

Try giving them some non-verbal cues! You might start cleaning up and putting things away, and see if they get the hint. If they still don't leave, make a polite but firm statement like "Oh, I have plans tomorrow" or "I'm really tired. It's been a long day, and I'm going to head to bed soon."
Question

Can something such as a mock TV sign-off, sleepy music, etc. indicate to the guests that the evening has wrapped up? If so, should I use these techniques?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

Yes, great ideas! Turn off the music, turn on the lights, start putting up the chairs, sweep the floor, stop serving drinks, hand out their coats, it all helps.
Question

I'm sharing a birthday party with two other friends. One is my best friend and the other "friend" both my BFF and I hate. How do I kick my other friend out without hurting their feelings?

Revad

Community Answer

You could back out of the plan by saying you to need to celebrate a different day due to a schedule conflict. Then have your best friend also cancel. Reschedule a different day with just the two of you. Be aware that the other friend will probably find out and be very hurt. The other (nicer) option would be to just follow through, because you already agreed to those plans and it really isn't nice for that third person to get pushed out of something you already all agreed to. Just don't plan a shared party with this person in the future.