How to Know if a Girl Wants to Kiss

Co-authored by Cher Gopman

Last Updated: October 23, 2021 References Approved

Knowing if someone will be receptive to a kiss can be the source of quite a bit of anxiety, but it doesn’t need to be. If you know what to pay attention to in someone’s conversation and body language, you can actually tell pretty accurately how well you’re doing and whether or not a kiss would be welcomed. Women often communicate more subtly than men--that is, they use (sometimes understated) body language cues rather than words or blunt physicality--so keep reading to find out how to tune into women’s kissing language and figure out if or when to make a move.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Reading the Conversation

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Pay close attention to how she engages you during conversation. There’s no single sign that someone wants to be kissed, but you can pay close attention to how she engages and interacts with you to get insight into whether she might welcome your affection.^{[1]
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Expert Source

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Does she hold eye contact? If she looks directly into your eyes and maintains solid eye contact, it’s a sign that, at the very least, she’s engaged with you in the conversation. Notice as well if her eyes seem to get large while looking at you. Often when people like what they see, their pupils will dilate and their eyes will widen slightly.
- Does she smile and laugh? If she sincerely smiles and laughs at appropriate times during the conversation, it will tell you she’s enjoying the conversation. That in and of itself isn’t a reason to immediately go in for a kiss, but it’s a good sign.^{[2]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}
- Does she keep glancing at your lips? If so, it may be a sign she’s thinking about kissing. But take it in context, though, because she may also just be in the habit of glancing at someone’s mouth when they talk.
2
Pay attention to her level of enthusiasm during the conversation. If you pay attention, it’s often relatively easy to pick up on her feelings about the relationship between you.
- If she seems bored or anxious to get through the date, it’s most often a pretty clear sign she’s not going to feel ready for a kiss.
- If she’s enthusiastic during the date and suggests you go somewhere else to prolong the date--to get coffee, go for a walk, etc.--it’s a good sign that she’s enjoying the date and may be open to a goodnight kiss.
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Note how she holds up her end of the conversation. You can often tell quite a bit about how the other person is feeling about the date simply by what they talk about.
- If she’s actively involved in the conversation and asks questions that are aimed at getting to know you better, it’s a signal that she’s interested in you and may be developing some affection.
- If she talks mostly about herself, dismisses your comments, or sits in stony silence, take that as a pretty clear cue she isn’t very interested.
- If the conversation turns toward increasingly intimate subjects, it’s often a sign you’re both comfortable and perhaps also attracted to each other.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Reading Body Language

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Read her posture. Note how she holds her body when you’re together.^{[3]
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- If she turns her body towards you (shoulders, chest, and legs or feet), leans forward, and keeps her arms open rather than crossed, those are all positive body language cues.
- An open posture, while a good sign, needs to be taken in context as part of a series of positive cues. A woman may have open and engaged body posture but may be feeling more friendly than amorous.
- If she gets close enough to touch and/or frequently leans into your personal space, that’s often a strong indicator of interest--just be sure she isn’t leaning in simply because it’s hard to hear you.
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Gauge how she reacts to your touch. Pay close attention to how she reacts when you lightly touch her arm or her hand.^{[4]
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- If she stiffens or pulls away, that’s a sign she’s not yet comfortable, and going in for a kiss now probably won’t go well.
- If she blushes, giggles, or smiles, those are signs she’s comfortable with you and would possibly be receptive to a kiss.
- If she lingers or presses against you while you’re saying your goodbyes, it’s often a sign that she’s reciprocating your affection.
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Ask. If you can’t determine from her actions and body language how she’s feeling, you can just ask.^{[5]
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- Asking her permission before assuming she wants to kiss can be a sign of consideration on your part, and either way, you’ll find out where you stand.^{[6]
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  Expert Source
  
  Cher Gopman
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 17 May 2019.}

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Making a Move

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Move in closer. If her body language and engagement in the conversation are all encouraging, you can begin moving in closer and preparing to attempt a kiss.^{[7]
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- If you give off the right signals, she could very well take note and reciprocate so that the kiss happens naturally and doesn’t feel awkward or unexpected.
- The first thing to do when trying to engage in a kiss is to move closer. If you’re sitting, sit so that part of your leg touches hers.
- If you’re standing, stand close to her and take or touch her hand.
- If she moves back when you try to move in closer or pulls away from your touch, it’s a pretty clear sign that she doesn’t want to get affectionate.
2
Send the right signals. Up until now, you’ve been focused on her body language, but now it’s time to give her a chance to read yours.^{[8]
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- Hold meaningful eye contact and move your gaze from her left eye to her right eye to her mouth and back, pausing for just a moment on each. Most people can read that as a clear sign of the desire for a kiss.
- Slow things down. Slowing down the moment and the conversation can clear the way for an affectionate moment between you if she’s interested. So if you’re walking, slow down the pace. Let the conversation slow down but keep up meaningful closeness and eye contact.
- If she doesn’t return the same level of eye contact or seems to want to put distance between you, it probably means she read the signals you’re sending and is now sending signals of her own that she doesn’t want to be kissed.
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Lean in for the kiss. If at this point she’s responding positively to your body language and signals, you can go for a kiss.^{[9]
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- Move in even closer and part your lips slightly, looking from her mouth to her eyes.
- If she reciprocates, looking into your eyes and gazing back and forth between them and your mouth, go for it and kiss her.
- If she looks awkward, tries to move away, or tries to divert the conversation to something safer, recognize that she isn’t ready and let it go.
4
React calmly. Whether you have a successful kiss or not, react with calm and equanimity.
- If the kiss is successful, look her in the eyes, smile, and continue what the two of you were doing. Don’t gush or get wild and starry-eyed--you may come across as immature or too eager, both of which can be turn-offs.
- If the kiss isn’t successful, don’t panic or freak out. Most especially, don’t get angry or hostile. Either brush it off and go about what you were doing before or smile slightly and apologize.

Expert Q&A

Question

Is it okay to just go for it and kiss her?

Cher Gopman
Dating Coach
Cher Gopman is the Founder of NYC Wingwoman LLC, a date coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Cher is a Certified Life Coach, a former psychiatric nurse, and her work has been featured on Inside Edition, Fox, ABC, VH1, and The New York Post.

Cher Gopman

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

No, you should always ask for consent. If she goes out of her way to help you first, great. But don't assume that you've got the green light unless you really know for sure, which involves asking for consent. You may think she wants you to kiss her, but if you're wrong you may get some serious backlash. Don't do it!

Warnings

If a woman doesn’t want to be kissed, don’t force her. Be respectful of what she wants and feels.

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Don't go overboard by grabbing parts of her body without her permission.

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Don’t take it personally if your kiss-attempt fails. Sometimes the moment isn’t right, sometimes the other person isn’t in the right mood, and sometimes there are factors beyond your control. Take it in stride and move on.

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