How to Make Your Parents Stop Treating You Like a Kid

Co-authored by Jin S. Kim, MA

Last Updated: March 8, 2023 References

It can be super frustrating when your parents won't stop treating you like a kid. Maybe the curfew they set for you feels way too early for your age, or they won't let you do anything on your own without supervision. The good news is there are a lot of easy things you can do to make yourself seem more mature and independent in your parents' eyes so they start treating you like your age. We've put together some tips below to help you get started.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Communicating Like an Adult

1
Demonstrate good listening skills. Listening well is an important part of being perceived as an adult. Work on your listening skills to help your parents see you as a mature person.^{[1]
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Research source} When you are listening to someone speak, maintain good eye contact, nod your head to show that you are hearing what the other person is saying, and use statements to express interest, such as “I see,” “go on,” and “yes.”
2
Maintain a positive attitude. Frequent complaining and a negative attitude may make you appear less mature to your parents. To prove that you are mature, do your best to maintain a positive tone at all times. When telling your parents about your day, focus on the good things that happened and minimize the bad. Also ask them how their day has been, and if their day turns out to have been not so good, show sympathy.^{[2]
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- Avoid whining or making critical remarks as much as possible. These behaviors are seen as a mark of immaturity.
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3
Steer clear of arguments. Do your best to avoid getting into an argument with your parents. Although you may still have an occasional disagreement with your parents, do not instigate an argument if possible. Instead, do your best to be agreeable and compromise with your parents if something seems unfair to you.^{[3]
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- For example, if your parents have requested that you be home by 9pm, do not complain or accuse them of being unfair. Try saying something like, “I don’t mind being home by this time most nights, but I was hoping to stay out a little later tonight. Would 10pm be alright?”
4
Ask questions. If you do not understand the reasons behind something that your parents have asked you to do, then ask for clarification. Asking questions is a good way to improve communication and avoid unnecessary conflicts. Make sure that you phrase your question in a way that expresses what you need from them.^{[4]
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- For example, if you have a 9pm curfew, and you think it is unfair, try asking something like, “I know that you care about my safety, but I am still a little confused about why I have to be home by 9 tonight. Can you help me to understand why you want me home by then?”
5
Talk to your parents about how they treat you. It is possible that you parents are not aware that they are treating you like a child, so you may need to just bring it up. Try talking to them about how they treat you and ask them if it would be possible for them to stop doing certain things.^{[5]
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- For example, you might say something like, “I appreciate how much you both try to help me, but I feel like I am old enough to take care of these things myself. Would you mind giving me a little more freedom to handle things on my own?”

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Demonstrating Maturity

1
Participate in household tasks. One way to demonstrate that you are mature is to participate in household tasks without being asked to do so. This demonstrates maturity by showing your parents that you have selfless qualities and that you want to help out.^{[6]
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- For example, if your parents often ask you to load the dishwasher after dinner, don’t wait for them to ask. Just start doing it as soon as you finish eating your dinner. Seeing you take the initiative will make your parents see that you are mature enough to know what is expected of you and to do it without having to be told.
- Going above and beyond your normal responsibilities is another good way to help your parents see you as a mature person. For example, if your mother normally does your laundry for you, start doing your own laundry.
2
Get a job. Having your own money to save and spend is another great way to demonstrate maturity. By taking on a full or even just a part time job you will be earning money that is yours to spend as you like. Maintaining a job over a long period of time is another great way to show that you are responsible and mature, so try to maintain the same job for as long as you can.^{[7]
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- Good money habits also demonstrate maturity, so do your best to save most of the money that you earn. Avoid making impulse purchases or spending money on things that your parents might consider wasteful.
- However, if there is something that you want and you have saved enough money to purchase it without depleting all of your savings, go ahead and buy it for yourself. Your parents will be impressed that you worked hard and saved for something that you wanted instead of asking them to get it for you.
3
Wake up earlier. Waking up early is a good way to demonstrate responsibility and maturity. People who wake up early also tend to be more productive.^{[8]
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Research source} Try to wake up around the same time as your parents do and do something productive right away. Work on a project for school, go for a run, or help out with household chores.
- Get into the habit of setting a daily alarm and waking up as soon as it goes off. Otherwise, your parents may have to wake you up and that may cause them to perceive you as irresponsible.
4
Take good care of yourself. Eating healthy, exercising, getting plenty of rest, and demonstrating an overall interest in your physical well-being is another great way to show your parents that you are mature. Some other ways that you can take good care of yourself include:
- staying drug-free^{[9]
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- showering every day
- wearing nice clothing
- getting regular haircuts
- brushing and flossing your teeth twice daily

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Using Other Strategies

1
Find your own place to live. If you are old enough to move out on your own, then you may want to consider it as a way to improve your relationship with your parents. It may be difficult for your parents to see you as an adult until you have moved out of their house.
- Before you do anything drastic, make sure that you are financially able to live on your own and that you are ready for the responsibility. Living on your own can be expensive and difficult.
- If you are not quite ready to move out on your own, consider asking your parents if you can help out by paying for your own car insurance, paying one of the utility bills, or even paying them a set amount for rent. This will help to show them that you are mature and give you some good practice for living on your own.^{[10]
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2
Maintain a healthy distance. Whether you are still living at home or living on your own, it is important to maintain a healthy distance from your parents. Make sure that you keep an active social life with your friends, work hard in school and/or your job, and pursue hobbies and other interests that do not involve your parents.^{[11]
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3
Be more self-reliant. The less that you demonstrate your parents that you need their help, the more they will begin to see you as an adult. Try to avoid asking your parents for things if you can including advice, money, and stuff. If you have a problem, try your best to solve it on your own before going straight to your parents.^{[12]
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- Of course, sometimes it may be necessary to turn to your parents for help. If your parents do give you something or help you to solve a problem, be gracious and thank them for their help.
4
Try not to care as much about what your parents think. Keep in mind that although you may behave like an adult and even be a legal adult, your parents may always view you as a kid because you are their child. Try your best to focus on yourself and not to be so concerned about what your parents think of you. Remember that your opinion of yourself is what matters the most.^{[13]
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