How to Manipulate People

Last Updated: January 8, 2023 References

Manipulating others is a way to get what you want,^{[1]
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Research source} whether it is tricking your boss into giving you a raise or getting your partner to whisk you away on a romantic vacation. Many believe this way to be immoral, and wrong. Whatever your reason for manipulating someone, play your cards right and hone your manipulation skills. Try out a variety of manipulation techniques, and learn how to manipulate people in a variety of situations. If you want to learn how to manipulate others faster than you can shed a fake tear, then follow these steps.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Honing Your Manipulation Skills

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Take an acting class. A big part of manipulation is learning how to master your emotions and make other people receptive to your contrived feelings. If you want to know how to appear more distressed than you really are, or to use a variety of other emotional techniques to get your way, then taking an acting class is a perfect way to improve your powers of persuasion.
- Don’t tell other people that you’re taking an acting class, if you’re only doing it to learn how to manipulate people. Otherwise they may grow suspicious of your tactics instead of believing you.
2
Take a debate or public speaking class. While acting classes can help you master your emotions and convince others to let you have what you want, taking a debate or public speaking class will help you learn how to convince people. Not only will you learn to organize and present your thoughts in a more constructive way, but you’ll also learn techniques for making your needs sound very convincing.

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Establish similarities. You can do this by method called 'pacing', where you can mirror their body language, your intonation pattern and so on.^{[2]
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- The calm and persuasive method is great for convincing your boss or coworkers to do something. Being emotional may not work in a professional setting.
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Be charismatic. Charismatic people have a natural tendency to get what they want. If you want to manipulate people, then you need to work your charisma. You should be able to smile and light up a room, have approachable body language to make people want to talk to you. You should also be able to hold up a conversation with absolutely anyone, from your nine-year-old cousin to your history teacher. Here are some other ways to be charismatic:
- Make people feel special. Make eye contact when you talk to them, and ask them about their feelings and interests. Show them that you really care about getting to know them—even if you don’t.
- Exude confidence. Charismatic people love who they are and what they do. And if you have faith in yourself, then people will be much more likely to take you seriously and to give in to your needs.
- Be confident. When you say something, whether it's true or just another creation, do it with confidence. Try to be glib while speaking out with your subject.
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Learn from the masters. If you have a friend, family member, or even an enemy who is a master manipulator, you should study this person and even take notes. See how they always manage to get what they want. This will give you new insight into how to manipulate people, even if you end up getting tricked in the process.
- If you’re really committed to learning how to manipulate people, then you may even find yourself equipped with the skills to manipulate one of the people you’ve been studying.
6
Learn to read people. Every person has a different emotional and psychological makeup and is, therefore, manipulated for different reasons. Before you start plotting your latest manipulation scheme, take the time to study the person you want to manipulate. Understand what makes them tick and see the best approach for getting this person to bend to your needs. Here are some different things you may find when you read people:^{[3]
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- Many people are susceptible to emotional responses. These people are emotional themselves, cry at movies, love puppies, and have strong powers of sympathy and empathy. To get them to do what you want, you’ll have to play to their emotions until they feel sorry for you and give you what you want.
- Other people have a strong guilt reflex. Some people were raised in a restrictive household, where they were punished for doing every little thing wrong and now go through life feeling guilty about everything they do. With these people, the answer is obvious—make them feel guilty for not giving you what you want until they give in.
- Some people are more receptive to the rational approach. If your friend is very logically minded, reads the news often, and always needs facts and evidence before he makes a decision, then you’ll have to use your calm persuasive powers to get what you want instead of using your feelings to manipulate him.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Using a Variety of Manipulation Techniques

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Follow an unreasonable request by a more reasonable one. This is time-tested tactic for getting what you really want. It’s simple. If you want to manipulate someone, you should first make an unreasonable request, wait for the person to reject you, and then follow it up by a more reasonable request. It will sound much more appealing to your victim in comparison to the first request as used by salesperson.^{[4]
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- For example, if you want your employee to come in early the next day, just say, “Would you mind leading the new project? You’ll just have to come in to work two hours early for the next few months.” When your employee shakes their head, just say, “Oh, all right. But would you mind coming in early tomorrow to help me wrap up this report?” They'll be much more receptive after the first request.
2
Make an unusual request before your real request. Another way to ask someone to do something for you is to make an unusual request that throws the person off guard so much that they can’t think to say no. If you ask for the usual request right away—money, a ride, help with homework—people will be more likely to say no because their minds have been conditioned to avoid these tasks. ^{[5]
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- For example, if you want to ask someone on the street to sign a petition, you can first ask that person to help you tie your shoe because you sprained your back and can’t bend down. This will establish a relationship with the person and will make them less likely to turn you down when you ask them to sign the petition.
3
Inspire fear, then relief. If you want to get what you want, you can first make a person fear the worst, be relieved, and then be happy enough to grant you whatever you want. This is a mean little trick but it’ll get you results.^{[6]
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- For example, you could tell your friend, “You know, when I was driving your car, I heard the most terrible noise and was sure that your engine died. But then I realized it was just coming from the radio—isn’t that funny?” Pause and wait for your friend to recover before you say, “Which reminds me—do you mind if I borrow your car again over the weekend?”
4
Make the person feel guilty. Guilt is another excellent tactic to getting what you want if you’re manipulating the right person. First, pick someone who is prone to feeling guilty already. Then make that person feel like they are being a bad parent, friend, or partner for not giving you what you want, no matter how ridiculous it is.^{[7]
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- If you want your parents to feel guilty, just make them feel that your life or childhood is suffering because they're not letting you have enough experiences.
- If you want your friend to feel guilty, remind them of all the great things you’ve done for them, or casually mention all the times they've let you down.
- If you want your boyfriend to feel guilty, just say, “It’s okay—I expected this,” thus making them feel like they always lets you down.
5
Use bribery. Bribery is another great way of getting what you want. You don’t have to blackmail someone to use this trick to achieve your goals. You can even bribe someone with a reward that isn’t so appealing, or with something that you would do anyway. For example, you can ask your friend for help studying for the math test, and offer them a ride to class in exchange, even if you’ve given them a ride before and it’s no big deal.
- Figure out what the person wants and try to give it to them. If your friend has a crush on the new guy in school, promise that you’ll try to get their number if they do what you want.
- Don’t make it obvious that you’re bribing. Just make it seem like you really want to do something nice for that person in return.
6
Play the victim. Playing the victim is a great way to get what you want as long as you don’t overdo it. This is a great tactic that should be used sparingly, but which will pierce the heart of your victim when done in the right way. Just act like you’re a wonderful, altruistic person, and that all of the evil in the universe has somehow fallen upon you.^{[8]
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- Play dumb. Say, “I just don’t know what I keep doing wrong.” Make it sound like you’re genuinely baffled by why things never work out for you.
- Say, “It’s okay—I’m used to this.” Make the person feel guilty, like you’re surrounded by people who will never help you out.
- Be pathetic. If your friend won’t give you a ride across town, say, “It’s okay—I’ll just walk. I could use the exercise.”
7
Use logic. For the rational-minded people in your life, logic is the great persuader. Come armed with at least three results-oriented reasons for why the thing you want would benefit you and even the person you’re asking. Talk calmly and rationally as you present your case and don’t lose your cool. To reach a rational person, you have to keep emotion out of it or you won’t get what you want.
- Act like what you want is the only logical thing to do. Make the person feel ridiculous for not seeing it your way without saying so.
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Don’t break character. Whatever your method, if your friend, coworker, or significant other calls you out on using a manipulative tactic or for pretending to be more upset than you actually are, don’t ever admit that it’s true. Instead, look even more hurt and say, “I can’t believe you would think that,” which will make the person feel even more guilty and sorry for you.
- Once you admit to using manipulative tactics, it will be very hard to manipulate the same person again.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Manipulating Anyone in Your Life

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Manipulate your friends. Manipulating your friends can be a bit tricky since they’ll know you well enough to call your bluff if your manipulation skills aren’t up to par. But don’t worry – you can still get your friends to do anything you want. First, you have to butter up your friend. The week before you need a big favor, be nice, do small favors for them, and try to mention what a great friend they are. Do whatever you have to do to be a model friend without going overboard.
- Use your emotions. Your friends care for you, and they won’t want to see you upset. Use those acting skills to look much more upset than you really are.
- Remind your friend of what a great friend you are. Be prepared with examples of times when you’ve done amazing things for the sake of friendship.
- Lay on the guilt. You don’t have to play the “bad friend” card, but you can casually mention some other times that the friend has let you down. Make it sound like you’re used to this kind of uncaring behavior from your friend without being too accusatory.
2
Manipulate your significant other. Manipulating your significant other to get what you want doesn’t have to be hard. The most obvious way to do it is to turn them on and then ask for the favor, implying that they won’t be able to get it on if they don't give you what you want. But if you don’t want to take this extreme route, there are a number of more subtle ways to manipulate your significant other.
- Whatever your approach, make sure that you look sexy when you make your request. You’ll be more likely to get what you want if your significant other is reminded of how cute or hot you are.
3
How easily a person can fall in your hands also depends upon the impression you have on them. Be swift and flexible about your image projection(be deceptive).
- Use your emotions. Does your significant other want to see you crying or being very visibly upset? Of course not.
- If you really want to get what you want, use the waterworks approach in public. Just as a parent is more likely to give in to a child who is throwing a public tantrum, your partner will be more likely to give in if you’re crying in public. Use this technique sparingly though.
- Use small bribes. If you really want your partner to take you out on a romantic picnic, offer to go to the baseball game with them the next day. Then this becomes less like manipulation and more like ordinary compromise.
4
Manipulate your boss. Using the rational and logical approach with your boss will work best. If you show up at your boss’s desk crying or talking about your personal problems, you’ll be more likely to get fired than to get what you’re after. Instead, be logical and firm with your boss, providing concrete reasons for why you need to get what you want.
- Try to be a model worker on the week before you make your request. Work a little late, keep a big smile on your face, and even bring in bagels or pastries in the morning “just because.”
- Ask in an offhand way. Ask your boss like it’s no big deal, and just casually make the request instead of saying, “There’s something really important I wanted to ask you.” This will alert him that what you’re asking really is a big deal.
- Try to ask at the end of the day or during a break. Don’t talk to your boss at the beginning of the day, when they're stressed out by all the work they have to do. Instead, ask them when they're about to leave for lunch or go home at the end of the day—then they'll be more likely to grant you the request than wasting their free time arguing with you.
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Manipulate your teacher. To manipulate your teacher, you have to mix professionalism with a bit of emotion. On the day you make your request, you should try to be a model student. Arrive to class early, show that you’ve done the reading, and be active and engaged in the classroom.
- Tell your teacher how great he is without sucking up. Just casually mention how inspiring they are or how much you love the subject matter.
- Mention that “a lot of stuff is going on at home.” This will make things awkward and your teacher will feel sorry for you without wanting to know more.
- As you continue to talk about your personal life, wait for your teacher to get uncomfortable and offer to give you an extension or to let you rewrite your paper. If this doesn’t happen, start in the negative. Say, “I know you don’t normally give extensions…” and let your voice trail off as your eyes get misty and you look out the window longingly.
- If this still doesn’t work, go for the heartstrings. Start crying while being mysterious about the stuff “going on at home” and wait for your teacher to get so uncomfortable that he has no choice but to give you what you want.
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Manipulate your parents. Your parents are supposed to love you unconditionally and are therefore already a lot more susceptible to manipulation. If you have a baseline of love and support, then all you have to do is be a 'perfect child' for a while before you make your request. Don’t miss your curfew, spend time studying, and help out around the house as much as you can. Then, go in for the kill.
- State your request like it’s perfectly reasonable. If you want to go to a concert on a school night, casually ask in an offhand way instead of sitting down to have a big talk about it. Make it look like you couldn’t possibly see why your parents would say no.
- You can even try asking while you’re folding laundry or doing the dishes. This will remind your parents of what a great child you really are.
- Talk about how all of your friends are doing this thing, and how their parents are okay with it. Don’t make this a big deal.
- Make your parents feel guilty. If you wanted to go to a concert, just say, “It’s no big deal. I’ll just get my friends to get me a t-shirt or something after the show.” Make them feel like they’re really making you miss out on a major social or another type of experience. Don’t say, “You’re ruining my life!” If you play your cards right, they’ll reach that conclusion on their own.

Community Q&A

Question

How do I become a good actor without taking acting classes?

Community Answer

Study the the way the movie actors utilize facial expressions and vocal tone to express their emotions.
Question

How can I detect if someone has lied or is concealing something?

Community Answer

Pay attention to their behavior. If they are shifty, appear nervous or different around you, fidget, or show signs of discomfort, they are probably lying or have recently lied to you. Be observant.
Question

How do I manipulate people into believing in themselves?

Community Answer

Maybe you can try telling them how much of an inspiration they are to you and how you believe in them. Make them feel special enough to the extent that they actually start to believe it themselves. You can also tell them about other people who have been in similar situations as them and succeeded somehow.

Warnings

Intelligent people may notice you are manipulating them or others, so it's best to manipulate them once you become an expert.

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Always manipulating people can make you lose friends, as well as lose the respect of your teachers, bosses, or coworkers until and unless you're an expert be cautious while using this technique.

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Manipulation might make you feel like you're lying to yourself and denying the logical statements.

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