How to Plan a Memorial Service

Last Updated: October 31, 2022 References Approved

A memorial service is held after, or sometimes in the place of, a funeral.^{[1]
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Research source} It can also be used to mark the anniversary of an event that resulted in the person's death. No matter the reason, a memorial service can be helpful to the loved ones of the deceased in their grieving process and serve as a celebration of the person's life. The following steps will help you to plan a memorial service.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Pre-Planning

1
Check the will of the deceased. Before you begin planning a memorial service for someone who has recently passed, it is important to check their will (or if you do not have permission to read the will, consult with someone who does).^{[2]
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- Perhaps they had specific requests for the service or perhaps they explicitly requested not to have a service at all!
- Check here if you need to probate a will.
2
Determine the type of service to have. Once you've consulted the will, think about the deceased and the kind of service they might have wanted, as well as what the family would like. Like people, no two memorial services are the same; they reflect the diverse personalities of the deceased and their loved ones. In order to plan mouse the most appropriate kind of service, it is essential to do this kind of pre-planning. While no two services are quite the same, here are a few general types of services.^{[3]
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- Funerals are usually held very soon after death, as the body is made available for viewing by mourners. While funerals are not necessarily religious, they do tend to be so, and are a good type of service to have if you and your family want something more traditional.^{[4]
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  Federal Trade Commission
  Website with up-to-date information for consumers from the Federal Trade Commisson
  Go to source}
- Memorials can often be held any amount of time after a funeral, either for a more public audience, for loved one's who could not attend the funeral, or to emphasize a different aspect of remembrance. Conversely, many often elect to have a memorial in place of a funeral. Either way, the body is not present at a memorial. The purpose is to remember the deceased and allow loved ones time and space to grieve.^{[5]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  David I. Jacobson
  Funeral Home Director
  Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.}
- Life celebrations are a newer form of memorial service in which the emphasis is less on grief and more on, as the name suggests, celebrating the life of the deceased. These events tend to be quite lively, with jokes on and toasts to the deceased made instead of tearful remembrances. As with memorials, the body is not present at a life celebration.^{[6]
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3
Delegate tasks. Coping with grief is difficult enough without the extra responsibility of planning a service. While many families have that one person who organizes and is on top of everything (if you are reading this article you may be that person), it is important not to leave the responsibility of planning the memorial service all up to one person. Assign responsibilities for different things, such as sending out invitations, booking the venue, and so on.
- This is important so that no one person is saddled with the weight of so much responsibility, preventing them from having any time to mourn properly. It also ensures everyone has the opportunity to help. Think of in the old days when people passed around a shovel so each person could dump a little bit of dirt on the coffin in the ground. The symbolic act of helping "bury" the loved one is important for everyone's grieving process.
- While this is surely a difficult topic at this time, funerals and memorial services can be expensive. This financial burden should not by default fall on one person's shoulders.

Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Planning

1
Set the date and time. Memorial services should be planned in consideration of any family members who have traveled from out of town. Set a date close enough to the funeral or anniversary event that visiting friends and family can attend. Doing so will allow those grieving to share memories.^{[7]
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2
Choose a location. Arrange a memorial service at a location that is large enough to accommodate the number of people you've invited.
- Know how many chairs will be needed for everyone who has RSVPed and how many tables are required for food and floral arrangements.
- Be sure to have a podium for a guestbook.
- You should also consider whether the deceased would have wanted a memorial service in a place of worship or a nonreligious building.
3
Compile a guest list and send out the invitations. Stay organized when planning a memorial service by making a list of all friends and loved ones of the deceased for sending out invitations. This will ensure that you send invitations to everyone you think is likely to want to attend and will avoid the faux pas of forgetting someone important.
- You may also need to assist with organizing accommodations for people coming from out of town. Consider compiling a list of local hotels to provide guests, as well as whether you and anyone else might be able to host out-of-town guests at home.
4
Personalize decorations and music. Make the memorial service a reflection of the person whose memory you're honoring by choosing decorations and music the individual would have liked.
- Use floral arrangements with the person's favorite flowers or colors and compile a play list of favorite songs or types of music to be played throughout the service.^{[8]
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- Consider adding any other mementos that you consider properly reflect the person's life.
5
Get input from loved ones. Ask friends and family members of the deceased for input about special touches that will best help remember their loved one. The people who knew the deceased person the best will be able to give you ideas for songs, colors, decorations and mementos and help you with pictures and keepsakes to create a memorial.
6
Arrange for guest speakers. A key component of many memorial services is having a series of guest speakers who can provide their personal perspective on the deceased person's life and the legacy being left behind.
- Contact individuals you would like to speak at the memorial service well in advance to verify that they're willing to speak and to give them time to gather their thoughts.
- Ask them if there are any particular resources they need to help them speak, such as a microphone, a screen, etc.
- You might also consider choosing specific readings which reflect the personality of the deceased readings to give to speakers.
7
Decide if you want to record the service. Many people want to remember the memorial service and choose to hire a professional videographer and/or photographer. You can use services like Yelp, Angie's List and even Craigslist to find recording professionals. Alternately, a loved one in attendance may wish to do this themselves at the service.

Part 3

Part 3 of 3:

Following Through

1
Publish an obituary. As you get closer to the service date, or even after it, you might want to publish an obituary for the deceased. This is something many people want to do, for a number of reasons, but particularly as one more way to remember the person who has passed.^{[9]
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- Additionally, an obituary can be a means of announcing the passing of the person, as well as information regarding their memorial service if done beforehand, to the general public, in case the deceased may have had friends unknown to you.
- Just call or send an email to the newspaper you would like to publish the obituary to get started.
- If you're publishing the obituary after the service, conclude with a line that says something like "Services were held privately with the family."^{[10]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  David I. Jacobson
  Funeral Home Director
  Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.}
2
Create tangible vessels of memories. It can help the grieving process to have something you can look at with your eyes and hold in your hands to remember your loved one. Consider some of these ideas:
- At your service, place a blank poster on a wall or table for people to leave their personal expressions and condolences in writing and drawing.
- Create a page on a website like Tributes.com to upload photos, remembrances and other contributions from the bereaved.
- Have guests bring small objects to share with others their memories of the deceased. For example, they might bring photos, articles of clothing, or trip souvenirs given as gifts by the deceased.
3
Create a work of art for the deceased. If you have talent in writing, music, visual art, or some other type of art, you might like to write a poem or song, make a painting, and so on, as a tribute for the deceased. If you are not an artsy type but would still like to tribute them in this manner, find a poem or passage of writing written by a favorite author of the deceased and read that instead.

References

More References (1)

↑ David I. Jacobson. Funeral Home Director. Expert Interview. 14 July 2020.

Expert Q&A

Question

What happens at a memorial service?

David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.

David I. Jacobson

Funeral Home Director

Expert Answer

Talk to a professional funeral director for help in understanding what needs to be done. This can help you better design how to delegate tasks, as well. If you'll be playing music or sharing photos and video, make sure there is a sound system and video capabilities.
Question

What do you do at a memorial service?

David I. Jacobson
Funeral Home Director
David I. Jacobson is the founder of Chicago Jewish Funerals, an independent Jewish owned funeral provider that evolved into two funeral homes in the Chicagoland area. With over 30 years of experience serving families, David is a leading expert on Kavod Hamet, the Jewish traditions of honoring and respecting the dead. David is an active funeral director that serves people planning and in need of funerals, lecturing to congregations, community groups, and schools extensively about the values of the Jewish funeral as well as the dying process and the value of one’s legacy.

David I. Jacobson

Funeral Home Director

Expert Answer

A memorial service is a service without the body present. That can be helpful if your loved one was buried somewhere else, but you'd still like to gather friends and family together to remember their life. Right now, during COVID, a lot of people are having to plan simple burials, then they're planning memorial services later on when it's safe to get together again.
Question

How to cancel a memorial service?

Community Answer

If for some reason the memorial must be cancelled, contact the newspaper agency and ask them to remove your ads and replace them with cancellation information. Then contact the attendees and inform them of the cancellation. To help you save time and reach more people, ask others to inform their own family members and friend circles on your behalf. In the case of not reaching someone, it could be useful to leave a sign at the place of the memorial stating that the service has been cancelled, and when it has been rescheduled for (if relevant).