How to Play Hard to Get While Encouraging Him to Want You

Don't be clingy. It goes without saying that you should avoid being clingy at all costs if you're trying to play hard to get. Sure, your third date might have gone fantastically well, but that doesn't mean you should start calling or texting the guy every hour to find out where he is and when you can hang out again. Even if you know he's into you, keep your distance, tone down the PDA, and let him see that you're your own person with your own interests and schedule.

• The second you want to be around him 24/7 is the second he'll start rethinking your initial connection.
• When you call him, don't just call to see how he's doing or what's up. Call to make plans or to talk over something concrete, so you don't look desperate.
• Make sure to give him some of what he wants. If he wants to see you 24/7, make sure to see him at least once or twice a week. Don't be so afraid of being clingy that you're never around.

Don't be too available. If you want to stay mysterious, then you can't agree to hang out whenever the guy feels like it. If he asks what you're doing that weekend on a Tuesday or Wednesday, tell him you're booked, but that you're free one night the following weekend. If he texts you one day and wants to hang out just a few hours later, tell him you have plans; he can't think that he has you at his beck and call.^[7]

• Make sure to find a balance. Don't pretend to be so busy that you never end up hanging out with the guy. Just don't make it look like your schedule is wide open.^[8]

Leave him wanting more. If you really want to play hard to get, then you can't put it all on the table. You should hang out with him, hook up or do whatever you want, and leave while you're still having a great time and enjoying each other's company. This doesn't mean you should excuse yourself in the middle of a make out session, but it does mean that you should leave him when you're both really feeling each other, instead of lingering around too long until you both get bored.^[9]

• If you stay over, leave after some morning cuddling or breakfast; don't stick around looking all rumpled well into the afternoon.
• It goes without saying: don't sleep with him right away. If you've just started to date, you don't want him to think that you're open for business whenever, wherever.

Take it slow. Don't rush into the relationship if you want it to last. If you start talking about how many kids you want to have or rush to have him meet your parents and fifty closest friends after the third date, he will run for the hills. Instead, start off by seeing him just once a week or so, and don't rush to text or call him unless you have something to discuss. And, obviously, tone it down on the compliments or displays of affection until you know each other better.^[10]

• It's tempting to rush in to a relationship that feels really right. But if you want to keep his interest, you have to keep him at a distance -- to an extent, anyway.

Keep pursuing your own interests. If you want to stay mysterious, then you have to keep on doing the things that make you happy apart from the guy. This will show him that you're independent, self-assured, and that you know what you like and aren't afraid to go after it. Don't just drop your weekly yoga or art class just because it doesn't fit with the guy's schedule; in fact, let him know when you're going to be off doing your own thing and he'll like you even more for it.

• Your schedule should be busy enough so that you have time to do the things you love, but not so packed that you only have time every three weeks to go on a date.
• Don't be afraid to talk about the things you love with the guy, however far from mainstream they may be. This will only make him be even more interested in you.

Have fun with your girlfriends. Keep on playing hard to get by continuing to enjoy a night out on the town with your girlfriends. Don't just start spending all of your time with your guy and abandon all of your single friends; keep on dancing, going out to eat, or doing whatever it is you love to do with your lady friends. And when you go out with the ladies, let the guy know. He may get a little jealous thinking about what you and your friends may be up to without him.

• Even if you're just having harmless fun, making him a little jealous will get him to realize that he likes you even more.
• Staying connected to your girlfriends will also keep you grounded and will deter you from getting into one of those obsessive relationships.

Keep your schedule mysterious. This doesn't mean you should lie or be completely cagey about what you're up to that weekend. But hey, if you're busy next Saturday because you're going to Grandma Carol's eightieth birthday party, you can just tell the guy that you have plans and lead him to wonder about what you're doing; you won't be lying, right? If you put it all on the table and he knows exactly what you're up to every day of the week, then he'll think he has you in the palm of his hand.

• If you're having a busy week, don't give him a list of all of the things you're doing. Just let him know you're busy.

Let him know you're interested without overwhelming him. Even as you try to stay mysterious, make sure that the guy actually knows that you're into him. Compliment him, ask how he's doing, and generally show him that you care. If you want him to stick around, you have to put in some of the effort.

• Just one simple compliment can go a long way. Try to give him at least one compliment every time you hang out.

Don't forget to let him know how you feel. This can be a bit hard but once you get the hang of it then it will be as smooth as silk. Though you may be determined to play hard to get and to keep things a bit mysterious, you have to end up telling the guy how you feel if you want to keep him. You don't have to declare your love to him right away or tell him your fifty favorite qualities of his, but hey, if you do like the guy, it won't hurt to be honest with him. Tell him you had fun on your date, that you love hanging out with him, that you love his quirky sense of humor, whatever. If you don't give him anything to work with, he'll lose interest--fast.

• And don't send him mixed signals, either. Telling him he's hot one night and being distant the next will just confuse him, not turn him on.

Know that the chase is never over. Even if you're saying "I love you" and getting ready to say "I do," you can always play hard to get to an extent. That means that, in any successful, long-lasting relationship, the courtship is never really over. Both you and your guy will continue making each other happy and will keep things exciting, interesting, and flexible. Don't stop flirting, being coy, or making your man continue to win you over, as long as he does the same.

• Though the chase is never over, you don't have to play hard to get all the time once you're in a committed relationship. Try to minimize the mind games while keeping your man interested.

Maintain your independence. If you got the guy's attention by playing hard to get to begin with, then you can't just quit the act and let him think that you will give up anything that matters to you to be with him. You will definitely need to adjust your schedule to make room for any serious love interest, but you should keep pursuing your interests, hanging out with you girlfriends, working out, or doing whatever it is you loved to do before you met the guy.

• If both of you continue to spend time apart to do your own thing, then you'll be keeping each other interested. You'll be much more excited to see each other after some time apart.