How to Prepare for Divorce As a Man

Last Updated: October 21, 2021 References

The decision to end a marriage should never be made lightly, regardless of challenges you and your partner may be facing. Divorce should be considered with a very cool head and - especially if minor children are involved - given time to make sure it is the right course of action. Once the decision to file for divorce has been made, it is extremely important that men begin preparing themselves for the tough legal road ahead.

Part 1

Part 1 of 4:

Taking care of the financials

1
Set up your own bank account. Open a new bank account that is in your name only.^{[1]
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Research source} This will be your separate account that your wife cannot access. Find out what your state's (or national) law is regarding marital property and make a deposit accordingly.^{[2]
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- For example, in Arizona, you may take your half of the marital community's cash and deposit that amount into your new bank account.
2
Open your own credit card account. Open up a credit card account in your name only.^{[3]
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Research source} Use restraint and pay off the charges every month to establish and raise your personal credit score. Consider canceling any credit cards or accounts that are no longer in use, but in both your names.^{[4]
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3
Prepare your complete financial picture. To provide a complete family financial picture for your divorce, make copies of all documents going back at least one full year. If you don't know which documents are relevant to your case, copy everything and let your attorney help you decide. If you are unable to find specific files, be sure to retrieve the account numbers so you can access it later. This information includes:^{[5]
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- Paystubs and income verifications
- 1099 and W2s
- Bank and credit union accounts
- Credit card accounts
- Insurances policies (note beneficiary designations)
- Pensions and retirement accounts
- Investment accounts
- Vehicle certifications of title and any loans
- Business operations records.

Part 2

Part 2 of 4:

Protecting privacy and shoring up security

1
Take precautions to protect your privacy and security. Change the passwords to all your financial, email, and social media accounts. Open a new email account for all communications with your attorney.^{[6]
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- See the comment below about staying off social media.

Part 3

Part 3 of 4:

Looking after personal property

1
Prepare an inventory of all your personal property. Take an inventory of all personal property by preparing an accurate list and taking photographs. The easiest way to do this is to go building-by-building and room-by-room (make sure to have a date stamp on the photos). Refer to your state's (or national) marital property laws - if you live in a community property state, list each item as community or separate property.^{[7]
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- Community property includes all assets that you and your wife accumulated during the marriage.
- Separate property includes any property owned by either of you before marriage, or that either of you acquired by gift or inheritance during the marriage.
2
Take items that are irreplaceable to you. Sometimes in divorce, people take their frustrations out by damaging, defacing, or destroying separate property and other things the other holds dear. Take items like early photos of your children and other family keepsakes, make copies and take photos, and store the keepsakes in a safe deposit box that your wife does not have access to.

Part 4

Part 4 of 4:

Dealing with custody

1
Prepare for custody of your children. Start keeping a parenting journal that details and notes what is happening on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis in regards to your children. If you plan on seeking primary physical custody, stay involved with your children's lives and maximize your parenting time. Regardless of the custody decision, a parenting plan with everyone's schedule can help coordinate visitation, holidays, and activities.^{[8]
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2
Prepare your contact list of important people. Learn the names of the people involved in your both your life and your children's lives. Make sure to prepare a list of their phone numbers, addresses, and email information. This includes:
- Family members and neighbors
- Healthcare providers
- Financial planners, accountants, and insurance agents
- Teachers and administrators
- Employers and professional advisors
- Babysitters and day care centers
- The parents of your children's friends,school, and teammates.
3
Stay off social media and keep emails courteous. Even though you have already changed the passwords to your accounts, your social media presence - especially Facebook - will be highly scrutinized during your divorce. Don't badmouth or lash out against your wife, her family, or her attorney. Even after the divorce is final, any such activity can be used against you in a child custody matter.

Community Q&A

Question

My wife had two children before we were married. Her ex stop making child support payments 15 years ago. The amount owed is very large. Am I entitled to any money now that we are divorcing?

Tom De Backer

Top Answerer

No. Child support - as the name indicates - must go to the children. If you two sue and win, and this man pays, then all that money must, in its entirety, go to the children. You have no claim on this whatsoever.