How to React to a Girl Who's Flirting With You

Co-authored by Imad Jbara

Last Updated: March 7, 2023 References

Knowing how to react to a girl that is flirting with you can be tricky. This is because flirting can be subtle and it can be hard to know if a girl is actually flirting with you. It can also be difficult to flirt because it requires a certain level of vulnerability. Alternatively, rejecting or telling someone you aren't interested is hard because it might involve hurting their feelings. Navigate this situation by first determining if she is flirting and then by either letting her know you aren't interested or confirming your interest in her by flirting back. The best way to react is by expressing your feelings honestly.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Determining if She Really is Flirting with You

1
Look for physical signs that she is flirting. When a girl is flirting she will often convey this through her body language. For example, a girl who is being flirtatious may smile when she is talking with you or when she first sees you. Other flirtatious body language to watch for includes:
- Fidgeting or hair twirling. Often girls will play with their hair or their accessories when they are excited or have butterflies. This can be a sign of flirting if it occurs while they are also smiling or making eye contact during a conversation.
- Touching you while talking. If a girl affectionately touches your arm or knee while talking with you it is a sign that she is comfortable with you and wants to be close to you.^{[1]
  X
  Expert Source
  
  Imad Jbara
  Dating Coach
  Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
- Angling her body towards you during conversation.
2
See if she chooses to spend time with you. If a girl likes you and is flirting with you, she will likely want to spend time in your presence. For example, if you are hanging out in a group of friends and she wants to talk and spend most of her time with you, then that is an indicator that she likes you and could be flirting with you.^{[2]
X
Research source}

Advertisement
3
Pay attention to what she talks to you about. If she teases and jokes with you or makes sexual comments it could be a sign of flirting.^{[3]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Similarly, if she asks you about yourself and actively tries to keep the conversation going, she likely wants to get to know you better.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Flirting Back

1
Make eye contact to show interest. Making direct and extended eye contact with someone shows that you are interested in them. If you are having a conversation with her and you look her in the eyes, it demonstrates that you are listening, engaged, and care about what she is talking about. Eye contact forms a connection between two people, promoting the idea that you "can’t take your eyes off each other."
2
Compliment her. Complimenting someone is a way to show that you have noticed something about them and it is something you like.^{[4]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.} Even if it is something small, it shows that you are paying attention to her and care enough to let her know.^{[5]
X
Research source}
- For instance, you could compliment her personality by saying: "You have a great sense of humor."
- Alternatively, you could comment on her appearance by saying: "You have beautiful eyes."
3
Use open body language when interacting with her. Body language can tell someone a lot about how you feel towards them. When you use open body language, you are physically showing that you are comfortable and open to interactions with the person. Examples of open body language include:^{[6]
X
Research source}
- Angling your body to face her.
- Leaning in towards her.
- Smiling, laughing and warm facial expressions.
- Nodding when she is talking.
- Mirroring her gestures and body language.
4
Pay attention to her and spend time with her. Spending time and hanging out with her will show that you are okay with her flirting and are interested in her as well. While you are spending time with her make sure you have quality conversations and ask her questions. This shows that you want to get to get to know her better.^{[7]
X
Expert Source

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Expert Interview. 5 November 2019.}
5
Tell her how you feel. Letting her know how you feel provides a way for both of you to more clearly communicate your feelings and intentions. Telling her you are interested will allow her to respond directly and you can both proceed accordingly, and with a better sense of what you want to happen next.
- It can be very difficult to accurately determine if someone is flirting, so the best way to find out is through a direct conversation with the person.
- Try saying "I really enjoy spending time with you and I think I am starting to develop feelings for you. Do you feel the same way?"
6
Flirt back with her over text or online. Flirting often happens through text or online messages, not just in person. Some tips for responding positively to flirting through text include:^{[8]
X
Research source}
- Making sure your messages have value and aren't generic, so you don't come across as boring or dull.
- Answering her questions with more than just a yes or no. Give more details about yourself and start a conversation.
- Joking or playfully teasing her. Creating playful, light banter over text will help build a connection.
- Avoiding over texting. Sending her way more messages than she sends you will make you look desperate and could be annoying for her.
- Using texting to set up a date.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Conveying That You Aren’t Interested

1
Ignore her advances and don’t reciprocate. If you are not interested in her, you should respond by not engaging in the flirtatious behaviour. You should continue to be kind towards her, but keep your interactions strictly on a friendship level.
2
Use closed body language. You can show that you are not interested by using closed body language, such as crossing your arms, turning your body away from her, and avoiding frequent or extended eye contact.^{[9]
X
Research source}
3
Talk to her. If she continues to flirt with you, despite your attempts to convey disinterest, then you should have a conversation with her about it. Tell her that you aren’t interested in a romantic relationship with her. You should be direct and to the point, so that there is no misinterpretation.^{[10]
X
Research source}
- Let her know you would still like to be friends with her, if this is the case.
- If you are already in a relationship with someone else, you should let her know, as this will help her better understand where you are coming from. Knowing that you are not available should stop her flirting.
- Alternatively, if you aren’t in a relationship you could say that you are in order to help convey your disinterest. This only works if she doesn’t know you or your friends very well, and will not find out that you aren’t being truthful.
- You can also communicate your disinterest through text if she has been flirting with you by text.
4
Stop interacting with her as a last resort. If the flirting continues after you have expressed your stance and discomfort with the situation, you should stop spending time with her. Take yourself out of the situation by avoiding all interaction with her, when possible.
- This can include not responding to her flirty texts and deleting or blocking her number if she persists after you have asked her to stop.

Expert Q&A

Question

How do you respond to someone who is flirting?

Imad Jbara
Dating Coach
Imad Jbara is a Dating Coach for NYC Wingwoman LLC, a relationship coaching service based in New York City. 'NYC Wingwoman' offers matchmaking, wingwoman services, 1-on-1 Coaching, and intensive weekend bootcamps. Imad services 100+ clients, men and women, to improve their dating lives through authentic communication skills. He has a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts Dartmouth.

Imad Jbara

Dating Coach

Expert Answer

If you are interested, flirt back! Reciprocate the touch, reciprocate the tease, make the conversation more playful. Don't be afraid to be yourself and build sexual tension. If there is no physical contact, no teasing, you are showing that you are not interested.